If you came with instructions, what would they say?

Please handle with love, respect and loyality and you will have a friend for the rest of your life. Do not distroy the friendship.

Hehehe, too funny lol. OK...my instructions would say: 'fragile, this side up' on the front. Do not shake. Add water before planting in a 6' deep hole. Do NOT plant until you are sure this object has quit functioning. Fertilize with care, only minimal amount of B.S. is allowed or plant will wither. Caution: object in mirror may appear closer than it is. If you can read this warning you are way too close... ' No deposit, no return, this item is unrefundable once used...

Please return for an updated version. HAHAHAHAHA!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

Hello crazynurse, Congratulations on your acqusition of your new Terry. When well maintained, your Terry can provide a lifetime of pleasure and satisfaction. Please handle with care, Terry must be fed and watered at least twice a day. Upon unpacking, please inspect carefully to make sure that nothing is broken or missing. If anything is broken or missing, please contact the manufacturer immediatly. Warning, It may be hazerdous to your health to abuse or neglect this Terry. If he is misused in anyway, we reserve the right to void warranty and we are not responsible for any damage that may occure from misuse. Well, thats a start anyway. lol Take care, Terry

Wound a little tight, do not take too seriously. Beware of practical jokes. Expect a lot of laughter. Expect there to be a few missing parts especially its marbles. Getting old and creaky, causing it to be expensive to keep up. Shalom~Salaam~Peace

Battiers not included. For best results, groom and bath daily. Feed regular meals. If cranky or malfunctioning, put down for nap. Caution, if not repected and listened to, make expload and serious time outs may occour. This is harder than I expected.

Do not immerse head in water as this will cause extreme panic and fighting will ensue. Upon waking, do not push her to get out of bed as this can result in bodily harm to the person pushing. She will get up, be on time to work, but won't officially wake up until approximately 10:00 AM. Do not explain anything of much importance until her 3rd preferably her 4th cup of coffee. Renae will keep you laughing. She's goofy, she's funny, she loves to have fun and loves to make people laugh. Her joy of the Lord is contagious! Gosh . . . that was just off the top of my head. I could write all night!

To start: pour two cups of fresh coffee into her.

If I came with instructions....it would probably say something like handle with extreme caution. Do not make this mad, do not irritate this, do not stress this. In any case that it may get one of the top things then run for your life. This is a non-returnable item.