A New Appreciation for my Parents

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I grew up in a very normal middle class loving family enviornment. I had two parents that loved me and a brother and sister that I fought with but loved dearly. We didn't get everything we wanted or asked for but we didn't go without anything we needed. If there was something we wanted that meant alot to us then my parents would find a way to get it for us or to help us earn it. I knew my parents were strict because they loved me. They had the idea of how a daughter should be raised and behave and they stuck to and enforced their beliefs...or tried to! You see, I was quite the little rebel. If they said yes - I said no, if they said don't then I would. Now that I have children of my own that I overindulge and spoil and compromise with to "keep the peace",or because Ive just worked 12 hours and am too tired to argue- I have a new appreciation for the strength and determinaton my parents had to hold true to what they believed was best for me(Not easiest for them). I wonder too why I was so disagreeable with them. I never wanted to cause them pain or distress, I loved them. I even liked them most of the time. I just wanted to do what I wanted and I really hated being told what to do, even if it was for my own good. I felt that no one knew me better then I did and no one should have any control over anything that had anything to do with me except me...but I didn't mind them covering all my expenses. I, at 13 years old wanted my independence. My poor Mom and Dad, the long nights of worry I caused them were nothing short of cruel in an adults eyes. Like the time I ran away with my friend Cheryl. Now that girl did have a bad family life, that story is for another day though. I had no legitimit reason to run away... it sounded like fun and I didn't want Cheryl to be alone. So off we went for 3 days - doing things that teenagers shouldn't be doing, having a ball. While at home my Mom & Dad were doing everything they could to find me. I can feel their pain and their fear. Why can I feel it now so many years later when then it seemed insignificant what their feelings were at all? Or the times I skipped school and hitchhiked with my friends to go party on the beach, I was doing this regularly when I was about 14-15 years old.(and shame on those adults who furnished my friends and I with the things teenagers have no business having at Wayside Park in the late 70's & early 80's-what were you thinking?!?!)Then the big one was when I told them I was quitting school to get married (nope- not pregnant, just freedom seeking)at the age of 17. It ended up I took my GED and the high school principal gave me my High School diploma - I was an A-B student and that was without trying and skipping half the time(-Thank you Mr. Love for knowing I might amount to something one day!)They tried everything to talk me into just waiting...Law school, a new car but I wouldn't hear of it. So, afraid of losing me completely, against all better judgement, agreed. Mom took me and bought me a pretty new dress and a flower to carry. They went with us to the Shalimar Courthouse and tried their best to make the most of what I am sure was one of the saddest days in my Mothers life.(Not exactly how you want to picture your 1st daughters wedding day). But through it all, I knew they loved me. Yes they got mad, and yes they punished me, and yes they yelled and at times pleaded,there wasn't anything humanly possible they didn't do or try or say ... but they never took their love away and they never gave up on me. How lucky I am to have had the two of them for parents!!! So now, to the present, I am 43 years old and have two teenaged daughters of my own that at times tend to drive me crazy as I guess teenagers are programmed to do. Thanks to my parents I tend to be very tolerant and I can't imagine anything they could ever do that would change my love for them.(Thank goodness they are not as rebelious as I was!)My parents both retired this year and have become snowbirds. They will be spending at least 4 months in the winter in Florida and I will have to learn to survive without them for months at a time. (This being harder then I ever imagined.)Once upon a time I could have cared less about what they thought or advised and now I am struggling to make my own decisions without their daily input and advice...how did I get things so backwards? I have stopped trying to apologize for all the wrongs and am now just trying to be a dughter and Mother that will make them proud. If I end up being half the parent they were then my kids will be very lucky. As I am... you see... my biggest adversaries have become my HERO'S AND MY VERY BEST FRIENDS!!! (Thanks Mom & Dad!)