That job is beneath me, but the food pantry isn't

My goodness... i had a very good education but when i was abroad i still worked as a waitress just to earn enough money...i even considered working at Mac Donald's... maybe your friends don't really think that they are in a financial crisis...maybe they are still in denial since they are still planning a vacation... But i think your husband is right...the kids are the ones who will be hurt the most if you stop helping them... but i think you can just reduce the amount of help you are giving them... like stop inviting them for dinner... but invite the kids over for a sleepover...

Oh my dear, you and your husband are such kind and generous people. Bless you. It would leave me speechless to hear that these people would ask you to take their 4 kids for a week while they go to Vegas. Waiting tables and working at MdDonalds provides an honest living even though it does not pay well. If this is beneath Jane suggest to Jane that she starts cleaning houses.(I am being a bit sarcastic) Here where I live the ladies get $60 to 75 for 4 or five hours of cleaning. It is so sad that these people take advantage of you and your family. One other respondent made a good suggestion. Stop inviting them for dinner but keep lots of contact with the kids and have them over. If the lady keeps complaining about the hard times they are going through just suggest that they have to help themselves if they want other people to help them. Best of luck.

I don't think you are wrong.I would feel the same way if I was helping someone the way you are (and it's not you alone...your whole family helps them) and they don't care. It seems like the lady isn't trying hard enough to find a job. She can work at McDonald's and look around for a well paying job. No job is beneath anyone when they have to feed their children. She seems to have got used to all the 'help' she is getting and is taking it easy. Maybe your husband is right...but she might realize when the kids are hurt, wouldn't she? I mean a vacation when they don't have enough money to make ends meet? I would have asked about it...especially if I was helping them out the way you guys are.

Hey, U did not respond to my message i sent u few days back.

I would have to agree with you all the way. Why should you and your family support these people who are too stuck up to earn an honest day's pay at a fast food place. Yet able to afford a trip to Vegas. Probably to gamble and lose what little money could have gone to feeding their children. I would not give them a dime however if the kids were in my home and seemed hungry then I would feed them but that would be all.

I'm all for helping people but only if they are trying to help themselves. There is plenty of work she could be doing. Sounds to me like she is just LAZY and expects everything to be given to her. What makes her think she is better than anyone else? At least the people who are working at McDonalds are trying to make a difference in their lives. She is below them because she isn't even trying. I get so mad when I hear people bitc* and complain and then sit on their a$$ and do nothing to change the matter. She should have to go without. Just do for the children and to hel* with her. Maybe her husband will wake up some day and leave the bitc* to fend on her own, otherwise he is going to live a miserable life with someone so selfish that she would let her children go without rather than work. He must be a wimp to put up with her. I have known people like them and I still can't understand them. Sometimes you just have to quit helping to get these kind of selfish people to wake up and face the future. If she doesn't want people to see her working outside her home then why doesn't she babysit for some of the mothers who do work. From what I see that's a good way to make some extra needed money. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I know people like this ie. people who make out they are so poor but then go on holiday and treat themselves to other things they don't need. The first thing I don't get is, how can someone who works 60 hours a week not be earning enough to live on? Surely even a low paid job with that amount of hours would work out plenty? This couple obviously do not appreciate what you have done for them. Maybe if the subject of her getting a job comes up again, you should tell her that no job is beneath anyone. Explain that you had to wait tables to help your family. It doesn't matter how good a persons education is, if they truly were struggling then she would take anything. My partner does not earn enough for us to live on so I took the first job that came up. I was fussy because I wanted work that fit round my kids but as soon as the opportunity was there, I took it. I earn hardly anything from it but the way I see it is that for now, I earn a little extra to help out and I can be looking for something better while gaining experience. Maybe your friend doesn't think of this. I have known people with a very good education whi have ended up in MacDs, etc. because that's what was available. I also know people who have very little education but are still successful because they took every opportunity, no matter how small eg. people have begun as a cleaner in a company and ended up as a director partly by being in the right place at the right time. I would let her know (in a nice way) that if they need more money, she should take whatever job she can find. I would also ask about their planned holiday and find out how they've afforded it. I would also offer to help them sort out their finances and suggest that they start to prioritise, that way, she may not even need to get a job. I know we'd be better off if my partner didn't waste money so I know first hand what it's like for someone to say they've got nothing but then manage to do something unnecessary. I hope I've helped a bit. I've got a website called www.freepracticalfinance.moonfruit.com on which there are some tips on saving money if that would be of any use.

Hi soccermom, It's funny how, no matter where we choose to go in the world, patterns repeat. People are people, it seems, and they're pretty much the same everywhere. My sister has friends who closely mirror the behavior of your specimens, right down to the point of taking vacations at the same time as they're hurtling towards domestic insolvency. I have another relative who has an irritating habit of dumping her children onto other people so "she can have a break" - without any consideration of the circumstances of the people onto whom she dumps her offspring. One could analyze the pathology of the situation, and no doubt certain consistent factors would emerge. The apparent fact is that this sort of behavior is quite common - there seems to be a certain proportion of the population that have their priorities aligned with their world views which are firmly centered on themselves. The proper solution is to simply prevent such people from having their way with you. I'd also warn against the sentimental trap of worrying about the welfare of their children - that's a tool that your tormentors will wield gleefully if you allow them to. The downside of that rosy perspective is that their kids, never having to bear the consequences of their parents' sloth, will grow up with the same deadbeat attitudes as their parents. Some people have a difficult time of things through no fault of their own. But then there are some people who are happy to wallow in it, confident in the saving grace of being able to sponge off everyone else to satisfy their every passing whim.

Hi soccermom! Well, your friend sounds like she's a little selfish. I think it's wonderful that she's working on her education, but her snobbish comment about waiting tables was rude. What is the reason why she won't get a job? She's only going to school part-time, right? I suppose if they have 4 kids it would cost her a lot in daycare if she went to work? I'm curious- how is she paying for school? I don't blame you for being fed up. The title of this post is exactly what you should say to her, although I'm sure it would cause a rift between you. I would probably continue to help the kids, but I wouldn't go out of my way to offer free babysitting so the parents can go on vacation.

Personally, I would stop helping them. I don't think there are many women in the US who have not worked in a fast food restraunt or waitressed to help their family get by. If Jane things she's so much better than everyone else let her husband deal with it. He also needs to give those games back to his kids...he's just as bad as she is!

After reading your post, I read all the others knowing in my mind what I was going to say but after reading kowgirl's she basically said what I would have. I will add one thing, you say she is working on her Associates Degree, well I hope that she doesn't think that is going to help her much, if at all. Again, as somebody else pointed out, I enjoy helping people who help themselves.

Wow, what a mess! Thanks for sharing what's going on in your life. I think you and your family definitely did the right thing at first. I think you're exactly right in your thinking now. First of all, it's not beneath anyone to work anywhere. So what if she (almost) has a college degree and works at a fast food place! More often than not, employers look at the resume for job experience a lot more than a degree. It depends on the employer, but they still like to see that a person held a substantial job for a decent amount of time. "Job hoppers" don't usually get looked upon as fondly as far as the hiring process is concerned. "Jane" has to start somewhere. If working fast food is where she has to start, so be it so her poor kids can attend school, get an education like she's getting, and have clothes on their back for crying out loud! Situations like this really make me boil. It sounds like "Jane" is working hard (maybe) to get her associates, which is still only a two-year degree, in hopes that a job will just fall right into her lap. Do you know what I mean? Hopefully that makes sense. It sounds like she's getting her degree, but only in hopes that someone else will do the work in finding her the "ideal" job. The thing is, once she gets that job, is she really going to work hard at it? I mean, is she really working that hard at school right now? She doesn't really work hard to provide for her family. She just lets her poor husband try to do it all. I think she's just lazy when it comes right down to it. She hasn't had to work the last however many years so apparently she thinks she doesn't have to now since her kind and more than generous neighbors provide for her kids and her husband provides for everything else. I'm not saying it's not the husband's fault either, but it sounds like "Jane" is posing the most obvious problem. You're exactly right about this situation not being your problem anymore. It's time to stop suffering for them and bending over backwards to do things that are just accepted and not truly appreciated. That's one of the things that makes me mad more than anything else is unthankful people. They take everything they have for granted and don't even say "thank you," even if it's for such a small thing. I know what it's like to have nice things because I work hard for them. I have a full-time job and I spend time here on myLot to get a little extra cash on the side. If I want more money, I take modeling jobs here and there on the weekends. I still live at home, but I worked hard to get my bachelor's degree. I know what it's like! Back to the whole education thing you mentioned, though. Like I said, I have my four-year degree and I'm working in a position that absolutely does not require a college degree. According to "Jane's" perspective on the issue, it's "below me" where I'm working too! Of course, I absolutely love my job and don't think I would be where I am today without my degree even though it wasn't necessarily required for me to be hired. However, should I ever be promoted, I think they'll definitely look at my training as well as my experience. I think a degree will go a long way no matter where a person works whether it's required or not. Hopefully my response is clear. I don't disagree with a thing you and your family are doing. It's time for you to pull yourself out of the situation before you get a possible legal mess on your hands due to the wife's negligence and laziness. If they want to have money, they need to learn to sacrifice and work for it. That's all there is to it! Excellent discussion and a pleasure to participate in!

Sometimes the more you help people the more they expect you to help them. Instead of seeing your help and support as a sign of caring and friendship they are now just taking it for granted, I think you do need to help them less so they help themselves more. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, you can still do little things for the kids but I wouldnt do no more than that. I dont think you are wrong in feeling slighted, after all you are going out of your way to help your friends and getting no sign of appreciation back its like they are not grateful for what you and your family are doing. No its time to draw the line and let them stand on their own two feet and if they dont help themselves then it is their own fault, sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to really appreciate the trouble they are in and finally do something about it. If they are so badly off for money they certainly shouldnt be going on holiday! I mean we had the choice this year of having 2 weeks holiday or 1 weeks holiday and doing the garden we had to choose 1 week and the garden because we just cant afford to have it all, we all have to make sacrifices and they should be no different!! Good luck hope you manage to sort it out.

soccermum. Do you always "expect" a thank you when you have done somebody a favour ?

I don't mind helping anyone but if she feels she is too good to work,then i could not help people like her..If she complained to me i would tell her to go get a job...PLUS if she had ask me don't you think a job at McDonalda is beneath me??? I would have had to say well,i don't think so,some money ,some job is better than none...I am a nice person but asked for my opinion i will tell a person straight up,best not ask if you do not want to know...It is hard to watch someone you care about suffer,i know that..I think you did wel by the children..I also do not think she was right for taking that nintendo away from the children either,but its hard to say anything once you gib=ve something away....Maybe you could just help the children without helping the grown ups...The only thing that should keep her from getting a job is if her salary would only pay her child care,if that were the case i could understand that,if she had to hire a baby sitter she might not actually be making enough to pay her to work...

I honestly can't stand people like that. I don't blame you for not wanting to continue to help them. The woman is flat out lazy. She knows that people will help them because they are feeling sorry for them and she can sit back and collect the freebies and not have to work. I am going to college full time in an accelerated program online, I work full time now, I have church activities and I have a child as well. I manage by myself while my husband is overseas. It really angers me honestly to see this woman blatantly take advantage of everyone's kindness. Everyone needs to stop pulling her weight for her and she will finally take hold of the reins. The topper to this whole story is that they took the game cube meant for the children and are using it for themselves. That really makes me mad! As for her having an "education" she only is pursuing an associates degree. I k now people with Bachelors degree's working at McDonalds to make ends meet. For crying out loud, she could go to a temp agency and work in an office and make halfway decent money and it wouldn't be "beneath her". For her to say that and then go to a food pantry....it makes no sense. It's called laziness pure and simple.

I am thinking this is probly your brother and sis-in-law. But I could be wrong. Well I used to have this job is beneath me attitude but always had a job pretty much anyways cause thats what you have to do when you have kids. Neather of my ex-wives worked other than something they really wanted to do but it never lasted. That was ok cause I always made a decent living but a few years ago now we hit some hard times (mainly cause I quit my great paying job to make my wife happy) and she still didnt quit spending money like she had become accustom too. Of course when christmas rolled around she wanted me to take a job at McDonalds or anywhere but never mentioned getting one herself after my 401k money had expired from spending it all. I refused it might have been selfish but I had worked my whole life to pay bills and thought it was childish of her to blow what money we had and not plan it out when I had just quit a great paying job to move her to her home town. WE made it through but she was still bitter I didnt take a job anywhere, even though still 3 years later she has no real job and is in college. I was dumb enough to repeat this last year to try and work things out once again (I know fool me once, fool me twice) and took another job that is probly the lowest paying job I have had in like 20 years but... I really love it and the people I work with.

Oh soccermom, once again I must say something I've said time and time again, "No good deed goes unpunished." You should stop supporting these people immediately. You would not have been wrong to tell this clueless woman that NO honest work is demeaning. It is far more demeaning for her family to burden friends with their problems. And, I probably would have slapped her when she mentioned the vacation, lol. Who can afford a vacation when they are depending upon the generosity of friends just to make it from day to day?

I understand that you feel used and abused. I can see that these people are not using there money wisely in your eyes. I think waiting tables or working at McDonals in not below anyone. The woman does not have her degree yet. She would not be able to get a job in the real world with an almost degree. I do have something to say about when you help someone. I have had to learn this the hard way so I am talking about expirence. When you give you give from your heart and not for the reward you are going to recieve by giving. When you give you give with no stings attached. So if they wanted to use the game cube for themselve then so be it. You did not put stings on. I know you intended to give it to the children but that is not how the gift is being used. My expirence was we had an antique dinning table and a friend did not have a dinning room table so we gave it to them. Guess what they did with the table they sold it yes they sold it. I was so upset. We did not give it to them with stings so they could do what ever they wanted to do with it. They needed the money more then they needed a table in their opinion. I am sorry they are taking advantage of you. I think if you are going to continue to give to these people I think you need to give from your heart and not with strings.

This going to come off bad but I don't think that their financial situation is any of your business.