Marriage is 50/50? Do You Think This Is True?
By sunshinelady
@sunshinelady (7609)
United States
February 13, 2008 5:29am CST
Hmmm 50/50 is what I hear some people say marriage is. I am afraid I think this is wrong. I believe that each person brings their total self into a marriage. You have to be willing to give your all. Different days each of you will give differently of yourself. There is no percent that a person gives of themselves in any given day or night. Read this and tell me what you think?
Friend to Friend
For years, I've heard the phrase that marriage is a 50/50 proposition. But the question is who gets to decide when one spouse has hit the half-way mark? "It is impossible," notes author and marriage expert Dennis Rainey, "to determine if your spouse has met you halfway because neither of you can agree on where 'halfway' is. Each is left to scrutinize the other's performance from his or her own jaded perspective" (Dennis Rainey, Lonely Husbands, Lonely Wives (Renamed Staying Close) (Dallas: Word, 1989) 31.)
Carley and Dan are a couple who have gone the extra mile not to go the extra mile. They constantly keep score as to who put a new bar of soap in the shower last or who refilled the toilet paper roll last or who opened the new tube of toothpaste last. "It's sort of a contest to see who can use the smallest sliver of soap or use the last drop of toothpaste," Carley boasted. The contest, though, boils down to who is going to serve the other. Imagine how adored Dan would feel if Carley began to get out a new bar of soap before the sliver war began or replenished the toilet paper before it was totally out?
Do you all think that you could do this contest? I think it is pretty neat.
6 people like this
16 responses
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
13 Feb 08
In India we say that husband & wife are like two wheels of a cart where both of them have to endeavour to run their life(cart) smoothly.
Other day I was reading famous Indian author Shobha De's book"Spouse" and I am quoting few lines from this book:
Marriage is a permanent and stable union. Marriage is not a temporary contract to serve the momentary physical demand or to enjoy good company for sometime and then to lapse at the slightest inconvenience. It is a permanent union which stands various vicissitudes in life, only to grow stronger and more stable.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I agree with you. Marriage is supposed to be for keeps. But more and more you see people heading for divorce courts. Marriage has to be worked at and when the problems arise you work together to smooth them out. I like what you have quoted here. It is so true and more people should look at it like this.
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I am going to celebrate our 38th Anniversary of marriage to my one and only husband in April. Marriage is a total 100% commitment from both parties. There is no such thing as 50/50. If your both not 100 percent committed to your marriage then your marriage is going to have problems. Be willing to communicate with compassion and compromise and caring. I have a little poem framed on my piano it says marriage takes three, My husband and I both love it. The third person in our marriage is our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. We keep him always at the helm of our marriage and take many things to him in Prayer to help get clarity on issues we struggle with and it always works. Marriage takes patience and wisdom and lots and lots and lots of charity and love and giving and forgiving. I love my husband more than when we first met and married and he is my very best friend, lover and soul mate. I am blessed by God to have him. I pray we have another 38 plus years togather which would put is well into our 90s. Every day is a gift. I hop you view your marriage as the same.
2 people like this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Feb 08
I feel the same way. My husband and I have been married 35 years as of this past August 2007. I also hope we have many more years together. Wonderful thing is marriage.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Feb 08
first of all I think those two need to grow up,
no I never agreed with 50 50 although I know it was never meant to be a contest, what was originally meant was that a marriage is a give and take situation, it is not that one person gives their all and the other just sits back and takes, takes takes, without giving back or giving back very little,
still I believe each partner should give their all all the time, that is what keeps the marriage going
2 people like this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Feb 08
I don't believe marriage should be divided into a 50/50 thing. Each partner should give totally of what they have in themselves. Each day the give and take will be different.
@gandatwo (602)
• Australia
13 Feb 08
Mmmm,marriage and contest games?No I would not think it fun at all sunshinelady.I am not a competive person and certainly do not feel the need to compete,life for me is not a competition.Regarding 50/50 also agree this can not be measured on any given day.However sometimes meeting one's spouse half way..compromise can very often makes a huge difference in resoloving a certain issue.Each days lends its self to new challenges or understandings.My Husband and I work as a team,somedays he has an off day,other days it is me,understanding your mate with love and respect can bring harmony to any relationship.All too often we tend to try to change the very qualities in our spouse which in fact attracted us to them in the first place.Also respecting each others space is a wise pratice.Laughing with each other,at each other,and at ones self can also make a huge difference.Personally it can be very annoying when someone is too anxious to please,spontaneity is very refreshing.
Do enjoy a wonderful valantines days with your special man.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Feb 08
I agree completely in what you say here. Each person in the relationship has to be willing to compromise. I think this is also a important trait. I love my husband and we have been married 35 years as of this last August 2007. There were ups and downs but we worked the downs out together.
@whittby (3072)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I think I'd like to try that contest for awhile. I probably would like to do it because I think I'd have the highest score haha! I have to say though when I see that someone has put a new bar of soap out, or changed the toilet paper roll, that means more to me than a box of chocolates! I feel pampered.
Whit
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Feb 08
I agree with you one hundred percent. This is something that is not only marriages but also applies in the work place. But in most places people have to work together as a team. Nursing is one of these places that it is important to work together as a team. You would have to bring all of yourself to the job.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
13 Feb 08
I would imagine it is a matter of perception I know in my own marriage I did all the giving and he did all the receiving, and then he chose to find fault in how, what, and when, and where, quality and quantity of how I did the giving. I lived that life for more than 20 years, and decided he was a child that was never going to grow up and accept responsibilities for his actions.
Today I live 100% as there is only me to give to, and I happen to like that
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 Feb 08
I don't believe in the 50-50 theory. As in friendships or any relationship, one person always seems to give a bit more than the other. Over time, I think the score evens itself out if both people are both equally dedicated to the relationship itself whether it be friendship,family, or romantic. There will always be those times when one is needier than the other and the relationship is thrown of balance if one were to keep score. Keeping score is small and immature, I think. If a relationship is ALWAYS ALWAYS one sided then it is a bad relationship and should be ended.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Feb 08
This is a concept that is not only for marriage but as you say for any relationship. Each relationship the person has to bring all of themselves.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
13 Feb 08
Interesting. No I dont belive its 50/50 because to me that is doing half of what I am suposed to do and expect my husband to do the rest. Somethimes its 20/80 somethimes is 100/100 I dont keep a score. Most of the times its 50/50 but that it is not me saying it should always be that way. love and relationship its not maths and we cant put a number on hugs and kisses there is no formula for human emotions.
1 person likes this
@bizmom (515)
• United States
14 Feb 08
i agree that we all ( married) should give our all to the marriage of course but what 50/50 means is the split of things that has to be done the give and take it jsut means ( to me atleast) that what u lack the other makes up for -- for instance im an Aries so i tend to take charge - i dont mean to but its just how i am and hubby is perfectly happy to go along happy to just be with me enjoying where i lead so to speak lol
im usually social but theres times HUBBY leads the way there for me!! lol
so theres always 50 /50 in those ways thats what i believe it ment with that saying! lol
but alot of the time one or the other partner will take ON MORE to help *compensate* for the lack of for whatever reason.. maybe one has to work alot and cant do the shopping or paying bills etc.. so the other takes up that slack while the other may take up MORE when they can --- just a give and take of ur life together
maybe that helps with the 50/50 theory
and of course it doesnt work for or with everyone tho if u give ur best to the one u love FOR LOVE sake an not pride.. it should :)XX
**Marriage isnt compation its supposed to be two people who love eachother enough to share thier lives together - bringing themselves into it completely ... taking the good WITH the bad as well, KNOWING firmly that no matter what, NO MATTER what comes thier way THEY WILL MAKE IT TOGETHER XX and come out of it TOGETHER and stronger for it !!
XXX
( have not read any of the responses.... so these are MY opinions only :) XX
@posham (1236)
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
i think marriage is as diverse as people who enter that contract.. you'll never know what you'll get yourself into until you decided to sign that paper, move into that house, and be a couple.. nothing is ever certain but the leap may either get you to cloud 9, break all your bones, or both..
@loudhummer14 (535)
• Philippines
14 Feb 08
I think what they meant was, you give half and your partner does the same thing making it a hundred percent. at least you won't be able to say that you're the only one giving a lot while your partner is just watching. im not sure. but i totally agree with you. i hear people often say, don't give your all. leave a little pride for yourself ... err.. question is, how do we know that we are giving just about enough or we're giving our all already? actually we can't. because love cannot be measured. my wife and i have been together for 4years now. i know this is pretty short a time to tell if we are doing good as a married couple or not. what's amazing though is the fact that we never started as friends. we became a couple first, got married and later realized that we are each other's long lost friend. and now we enjoy our life together so much. everyday, has always been another opportunity to discover more things that we can have fun with, either as a husband-wife or friends.
1 person likes this
@shineison (874)
• Uganda
22 Feb 08
Before marriage you are 50 %, but after marriage you become 1000 %. i mean with out marriage your life remains uncompleted, or you can say one is one But 1 and 1 are two, No they are 11.
@ganga472007 (624)
• India
13 Feb 08
The success of the marriage depends up on compromise rather than contest.Marriage is a way for a Family setup.I endorse your view that" Each person brings their total self into a marriage and you have to be willing to give your all"
1 person likes this
