Mind The Ducks and the Psychic

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MIND THE DUCKS Three women die and go to Heaven. St. Peter meets them and says we have only one rule here"Don't step on the ducks", so they enter the Pearly Gates and the first thing they see are ducks everywhere. They do their best not to step on the ducks but it is almost impossible to avoid them and soon enough the first women steps on a duck. Up comes St. Peter with a extremely ugly man and chains them together, saying"your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man". The next day the second woman steps on a duck and up comes St. Peter who doesn't miss a thing with another ugly man and chains them together for eternity. The third woman has observed all of this and is extremely careful where she steps because she doesn't want to spend the rest of eternity chained to a very ugly man. For months she manages to avoid the ducks until one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ..... very tall, muscular, long eye lashes and thin. St Peter chains them together without saying a word. The very happy woman says "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for eternity?". The man says "I don't know but I stepped on a duck". THE PSYCHIC Tatiana goes to a psychic to contact her dear departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids flutter, her hands float above the table and she begins moaning. Soon a voice emanates from the psychic saying “Granddaughter, are you there?” Tatiana responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?” “Yes, Granddaughter, it’s me?” “It’s really, really you Grandmother?” Tatiana repeats. “Yes, my dear, it’s really me” Tatiana looks puzzled for one long moment, “You’re sure?” “Yes, I’m sure it’s me.” Tatiana pauses, “Grandmother, I have just one question” “Anything my child” Tatiana asks “Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?” Has anyone else got any good jokes to add. :)