Forgive and Forget!!!

Forgiveness is something we give, forgetting is something we do within ourselves. To me it would totally depend on if the cheating spouse really wanted forgiveness, or if they were just too much of a coward to end the relationship. There are three reasons to cheat as far as I see it. 1. An extremely strong physical attraction to someone and the offending spouse lacks will power and respect for their spouse. 2. The marriage is unsatisfying for one of the members and they lack the tools to address the problems of the marriage, in turn they seek out or stumble upon someone else who satisfies their needs. 3. The offending spouse has a psychological issue in that they desire that first initial lust of a relationship and marriage now bores them. But whatever the reason, cheating is about selfishness. It is about disregard for the other spouses feelings and well being. It is never something that benefits the marriage relationship, but it is something that can destroy it. If I found out my husband was cheating I would ask a few questions first. What was it that he was getting out of the relationship with the other person that he was not getting in ours? Was it just physical or emotional or both? And can our relationship be fixed now and do I want to fix it? His answers would stipulate my response. If I looked back and saw that I was not meeting his needs in our relationship then I would be willing to take my part in the responsibility of causing the cheating. However, I would expect my husband to acknowledge that he took the cowards way out in dealing with the issues. If after much discussion we came to the conclusion that our marriage was just not working even though we have tried everything (which is a lot mind you) then I would be content with a divorce, to free me to find someone else who would have the respect for me to not cheat. If my husband was honestly sorry for the relationship he started with someone else, and for the lying that had ensued, then I would probably find forgiveness in my head for him. (I say head because that really is where our emotions come from, not from the thing beating in our chest.) It would take a lot of discussing, though I don't think I would hold on to the initial anger felt when I discovered that the cheating was happening. To forgive we must let go of anger, otherwise there is no forgiveness. For me to forgive I have to let go of all emotions that might be felt. Not denying them, but just not looking at the situation with an emotional eye, but one of logical reason. There is always a reason to cheat even if it is not a good one. I realize that often it is more about the relationship that was forming with the other person than was about hurting their spouse. Often times a relationship can form between a spouse and an outside person that actually causes the damage in the marriage relationship. Suddenly there is this new person, who seems cool, and great and we start comparing what our spouse does to this new person. Unfortunately, this new person may not be all they seem, and over time after the cheating has started the spouse may realize that they had a great thing with their spouse and they really do love them. So I guess it would really depend on the circumstances surrounding how I found out, if they confessed without being found out, if they continued to lie about it even after found out, and how sorry they actually are and if they really want to work through it. I would also need full disclosure about the events to move on. These might be hard to hear, but often our imagination is way worse than reality. I could give forgiveness if it was genuinely being sought, but forgetting is something that could not be done. I could not bring it up, but I would never trust them in a naive way again. To move on I would have to remember that I love him and that to make it work I can't constantly be jealous or suspicious, but I wouldn't fully trust him as it was before. It would be different because the expectation of faithfullness had been broken. To really work out the marriage if it is to stay together it is a matter of getting over what has happened and really working towards showing each other love. Sometimes marriages can survive cheating, sometimes it can, and only those involved can make that decision.

Unfortunately I am not that type of kind. Generally I am very patient with people. But when my patience is abused and exhausted it's almost impossible to earn it again. After some time I forgive what's done to me but not forget. Our mind is very powerful and once we put the data in there it can not be undone unless we get an amnesia.

it is the hardest to forgive and forget that one person whom you have given so much love and so much trust, cause even if it was like ages ago.. the pain and dagger feeling in your heart will probably never completely go away... as for me.. i am more easily to forgive than forget the things done to me. I forgive but does it mean that not forgetting means you have not 100% forgiven that person? As for me, the thought of betrayal will always be on your mind and no matter how you try to cast it away.. sometimes, it will just never go.

I always think myself in this kind of situation. For me, I can forgive them but it is hard to forget. I can't do anything if he is happy with someone else. So just let it be.

Hi micaella, When you know that your loved one is dating with some one other than you, it is a clear indication that you have to forget her.There is no need to worry about that and feel that it is she who missed you and not you missed her.This simple thinking will help you overcome from the feelings and then the time will help you completely. Good Luck.

I can easily forgive but forgetting is the hardest part ever! I am in a situation similar to this and am finding it hard to deal with what I found out. Sad to say but I will never trust again, therefor the relationship will never be whole or the same. If you care to read details and give your advice please read the first discussion I posted. I am sorry if you are the one experiencing this awful pain! Take Care~Cheri

It never happened to me to be cheated, but for nature I forgive always. I can't forget. But I try to nderstand why it's happened, and if there is some way to rebuild that trust there was before. I don't like don't forgive. And I don't like forget. Everything is useful if et us grow.

i would say i really understand your feeling because i gone through the same thing also. It takes time to forgive and forget, soon you will relieve, musics mends broken heart. just take it easy. cheers.

For me,I'd call for a break up after what he did.And I'll never ever talk to him.

Well, Thats a part of your Understanding, talk more important yes maybe you can forgive and forget but theres a gap now and no trust at all. it depends on situation like you its different. me, im sensitive i admit i dont easily forget all what my partner did, if happen huh! but if God forgive us our sins why we dont forgive then forget. Its good feeling if we forgive others. youre forgiven :)

if my patner do this with me i cant forget the time which we spend together but i cant forgive him for the pain he gave me. In love there are may ways to go but there is no way to come back.

No I can never micaella, I cannnever forgive and forget these matters. This is love and things cannot be taken that easily. If you like someting, go and get that, if you don't like throw it in the dustbin etc. For me these matters are very serious. Once you get involved with some one you are there for him / her whoever it is.. For me marriage is but once in a life. If my partner finds a better one, yes ok you can go ahead but never ever come to me back, just get out of this place. That's all. I can forget butnot forgive these things.. God b;ess you dear

I can easily forgive, but not forget. I don't think anyone can really forget. What can happen is that, the hurt from the incident, will disappear. It won't affect you like it did before.

trust and honesty are two essential elements in a relationship, without those realistically it is hard to gain once that barrier has been broken

i think its really hard to forget and forgive someone sop easily in such a situation.its tough. But also if someone cheats on you, then as for me, i will not forgive that person very easily. May be i will try to forget that person. Still that is also not taht much easy.

Hello micaella! I am the type of person that can forgive and forget. Especially if I am in love with someone. I mean yes the first cheating situation I would definately forgive my man and stay by his side but if an event it happened again I couldn't just forgive and forget. I could be understanding the first time but if it happened a second time I would just know that he was trying to play me like a fool and I do not get played a second or third time around. See when I tell a guy that I love them that to me means that I will be there for them through thick and thin but a person can only take so much.

Maybe I'm the type of person who can easily forget but not forgive. I can forget what the happened yesterday but to forgive I like to ignore this and I don't want to remember at all. Maybe I like to remember the beautiful experience of love. That's me

If I discovered that my partner is already involved with someone else and chooses the other one involved, I'd give him his freedom... Especially if we're not yet married, that's the freedom we have. Now i will forgive him and forget every bad things that had happened... let's always remember that we still have had good memories to be thankful of so let's not pity ourselves after a bad experience...By easily accepting and moving forward towards your plans and goals, you would let him and other people know that you respect yourself and you should be respected...Not just that, you also make them know that you are such an independent person whom can move on after each and every fall... But in forgeting, time is needed especially when your relationship has gone so far.... Let's always remember to be positive on things and be thankful and contented to what we have because that's the only way to be happy once again... In time as you go further your plans and goals, each step of it will eventually help you recover and the least you think about the hurt the more you'll push yourself on track... Just be positive, if God took away somebody important to you then that means you'll have a better person or a more appropriate person you need in your future...

It is hard for me to forgive and forget before I come near to the GOD. I was hurted by others and hurt others, sometime is heart-broken hurt. When I was hurted, I tried to do evil things to them to revenge. But now, I realize that only love can sovle the problem. Love the people they hurt you and love the people who have been hurted by you. Show the world the warm you are, and the world will show you the bright side. Forgive and forget is neccesery for us to move on, and forgive and forget is the only way to make this world much warmer and more beautiful.

i can.