Fading memory?

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I know that this is a bit controversial and that each person sees it in their own way, but another discussion led me to think about this. ANother discussion and a radio talk show I heard last week. Long time ago there were no doubts. Families stayed together and it was not rare to see 2 or 3 generations living in the same house. Not even a small thought was given to senior homes even when they existed. Adults would take care of their elderly parents as they had taken care of them when they were small. THinking about something else was .. well unthinkable:) Sure life was different then. Many women stayed home to take care of their own children and time was not as limited as it is now. Having mother, father or in laws living with the family was readily accepted and actually the norm rather than the opposite. Ok so now women work outside the home. There is less time and people as a group/ society has been changing modifying rules, ideas and unspoken laws. I understand that. I understand for example that it is very difficult for the working family to take care of a parent that needs constant care, medical attention. Not only it is impossible to do, but leaving a job to take care of that parent will cut on the family income needed. But not all elderly parents need that constant care or medical attention. Some just need to be there, for various reasons. Because it's hard to live alone specially when you get older, because it's financially difficult, or just because. What's the point of this discussion? I guess it started with that talk show I mentioned above. People were discussion this same subject. And a big majority seemed to feel that elderly parents had no space in the family home. I've heard many reasons. SOme because - Oh my God! - the parents acted like little children. Because they weren't liked. Because all the did was sleep, eat and watch tv. Most people I heard were talking about these issues as if to seek validation that they didn't have to have those old parents living with them. Those people interfere with their own lives. Because it takes away their privacy. Because they can be irritating. BEcause they keep saying the same things over and over. Wait a second? IF memory doesn't fail ,that is exactly what they did to us as we grew up. Let's see.... they spent nights awake because we were sick or had a nightmare. They cooked for us, gave s a bath and changed our diapers. Some even cut on their own food to make sure that we had the best food and were not hungry. THey answered all our questions and sat down playing tea parties when they would prefer to have an adult conversation, read a book or watch a tv show.They missed on parties and get togethers because they couldn't find a babysitter for that specific day. They forgot what a vacation was because at first we were too small, and then they needed to save for our education. They listened to us saying the same thing over and over again and they smiled while listening, to encourage us to put our thoughts in words. Later they listened to our problems and what bothered us, and felt the same pain we did when we had been wronged. They didn't even flinch when our conversation was so immature that they would certainly have a few words of choice to stop the babbling. DOn't we owe them the same? This is just a question. It doesn't even mean that I agree we do or that we don't. But I'm interested in knowing what faded our memory so much that we don't remember that. People talk about senior homes as if they're the answer to all, and although there are a few that I would actually consider, most of them are not what they're cracked to be. I know. I've visited them, and I eve had hubby's grandmother in 3 of them. THe smiles and courtesy until they get our signature on the line often disappear before the ink is dry. THings are not what they appear to be and the care in many of those places is just a small bit above unacceptable. Yes, of course, the more money there is to go into the place, the better the care is, but for the majority of people those high end ones is not an option. And I believe a proper study of these centers should be done before someone deciding on sending a loved one to live there. OK there are exceptions. SO, sure, not all the parents were model parents. Sure there are people that are justified in feeling that they don't really owe nothing to parents that abused them, or just plain weren't there. And I can understand that. Ok with an elderly parent that needs constant medical supervision, the best thing to do is to have him/her in a place where help is available at immediatly. But other than that.... I'll stick with doing my part of what they did to me. Heck I will even have my in laws with us - even though they have been less than the best people in the world to me. But, that's me. What are your feelings about this? Would you have them with you? Or decide against it? If you decide against it what is your reasoning?