Have you ever experienced limerence? How would you define it?
By blademaiden
@blademaiden (734)
Romania
February 19, 2008 3:25pm CST
Limerence: I found this term interesting and I thought I should start a new discussion just for it.
Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses "having a crush" on (or infatuation with) someone else although limerence, unlike a crush, can last months, years or even a lifetime. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated.
Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
More info:http://www.tennov.com/bookr/QnA.html
I have experienced heavy crushes (with fantasy thoughts and even hints of obsessions) and the excitement of beginning love where you feel you can do anything, don't eat, don't sleep, etc... But I see and know them as such (crushes and chemical reactions), so I am not sure how limerence would be different from any other heavy crush or new relationship feeling.
Am I the only one that had never heard of this term before? Have you experienced it?
3 responses
@Mr_Kite (48)
•
7 Mar 08
Yes, and though it's not a universally accepted term in the world of science, I believe it's real. It may be like a crush, but it's much bigger than that. For a start, it lasts much longer and I've been dealing with limerence for six years now and it's making me think that perhaps I'm mentally ill. The limerant object becomes a kind of obsession, everything they say or do is super important, the pain when they hurt you in some way is immense and not like with a crush. I'd do anything to be cured of this, but it's been slowly eating away at me and I fear it will finish me, in the end.
1 person likes this
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
7 Mar 08
wow! Do you think that it ever occured to her that you have such intense feelings for her?
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
24 Mar 08
I think that if she had feelings for you, she would have made it more than obvious, sorry to say, she sees you as a friend, more of a crutch because she is probably taking advantage of your feelings towards her. It may not be intentional, but using you just the same. My advice is to move on...
@Mr_Kite (48)
•
8 Mar 08
I don't know. I know she doesn't feel anywhere near the same though and wouldn't be able to deal with it if I was to tell her. I've sort of told her that she's really important to me and that I think about her a lot, but she just says things like "I'm not sure what to say to that etc". My feelings are as strong as ever and there's no sign of them going away anytime soon. Limerence is a horrible thing. I reckon some of us are more prone to it than others.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
19 Feb 08
I have never heard this term before. I think that we all get crushes, particularly when we are young. Middle aged crushes are sad to see and I am afraid that it is often men who should know better chasing after girls young enough to be their daughters. I suppose that it is quite possible to have a lifetime crush. I read recently about a Russian woman whose boyfriend was sent to the labour camps after World War 2 because he had been a prisoner of the Germans. 60 years later he came back to the village and she saw him and they are back together. She said that she had never stopped loving him and he said the same about her. Both had been married, had children and had been widowed. Could that be limerence? with a happy outcome.
1 person likes this
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
21 Feb 08
Yes, I think that could be limerence. I guess the length of the crush, the hard to attain concept, the obsession quanity, and the fact that you generally keep it to yourself may be different from other similar feelings. Maybe I experienced degrees of it, but I can't help but think I would have to tell my 'crush' within a normal time period... and then, if not reciprocated, my feelings would fade and I would move on.
