Do have memories that haunt you?

The memories for me that last and are as clear as the day they happened are deifnatly the bad ones. I find that I often can not remember any good memories but instead memories that make me feel ashamed of who I am and everything I have done with my life. Even silly things like... doing the lip synch in grade four in front of the whole school. My stomach goes in knots and I feel ashamed for some reason, even thought I know I was only a little girl and that it was probably really cute to watch. When I try to remember good times I find myself remembering things in those times i am trying to remember that embarass me or that I am ashamed of. For example say, an ex boyfriend, instead of remembering the good times we had together I remember the break up and think how stupid I was for messing everything up. I think it might be part of having post traumatic stress disorder that I tend to focus on the bad things that happened instead of the good things. I spend everyday batteling back flashbacks and memories of that one night instead of thinking about all the good (yes there was some good) that came from it

My only good memories are with my friends from high school when we started writing together. Those memories grow stronger and stronger every day as I miss those times. Especially since I learned that my best writing buddy doesn't want to have anything to do with anybody from high school and I guess that includes me. I don't have any memories of family. I am the youngest of five who are spread out in age. I feel like I grew up alone and at family gatherings I was wallpaper. I remember the fun things I saw, what I remember most though is now. Now I am a participant in the jokes with my siblings. I actually make them laugh! But I am not very close with them. When I think of my abusive marriage, I wouldn't say it fades but it doesn't grow more vivid either. It is ancient history. All I have to do is count the years (we were married 22 years ago and he left 14 years ago this month actually) and realize it was a lifetime ago and I have a whole different life now. I have been keeping journals since high school but never go back to read them (but will keep them forever). Maybe I will go back and read them in my old age. Most of my poems I write for today. I struggle with a chronic illnes. I have kids now. I have a husband who sometimes drives me crazy. I have lost close family members. This is the today and this is what inspires my writing. Not the past.

yes, childhood memories that haunt me till this day. I was not abuse in the regular meaning of the word but I was spanked so much, that maybe my mom in today’s time would have been charged with abusing her child. I was in a perpetual state of fear from her, lest I do something that would not meet with her approval! She had a very primeval sense of discipline…no logic, no explaining, no arguments, no question…just listen to what your mom says otherwise you are labeled as ill-mannered and undisciplined and spanking is the only way to make you see reason. I yearned so much to talk to her freely (I still do) but that distance has grown over the years. On the surface we are the perfect mother-daughter pair, the envy of many but a little turmoil and all hell breaks loose. I wish I had some therapy in my growing years but who would have taken my anyway… mom was never aware (she still isn’t) that she was doing any wrong.

i think every one has few. i also have few memories taht i can't say exactly at childhood. Most of them are memories few years back. it was a so aclled good friend who abused me. it was mostly verbal abuse. But still I am not able to forget those.

i seem to have the knack of only remembering good things.i think i set my brain to do this years ago.although it is a good thing it is not neccessarily the correct thing to do.i know a lot of people are messed upand its often their parents or siblings who have destroyed their lives.they find it hard to move away from the past.i try to focus on the fact that we only have one life.we are only here for a short time.we have a right to be reasonably happy in the time that we have on earth.everyones story is different and everyones personality is different so they find it hrder to let go of the memories which haunt them.

This is interesting - I had one of those "strange"/so-so childhoods/adolescences as well, and yes, as a result I have many memories that do indeed haunt, some of which are not especially pleasant. Luckily, I was never abused in the way that you seem to be alluding to (and my deepest sympathies go out to you), but I am subject to a number of social traumas. I have been expressing my emotions in a variety of different ways - like you, writing is in fact one of them, and it is always a good outlet for pretty much any feeling you could be experiencing. The great thing about using any aesthetic as an outlet for your "hauntings" is that there is no having to perfectly explain your feelings to someone else who has not bore as you have the impact of your thoughts. I do find that as I get older, I tend to dwell on my long-term memory more and more, and many times the bad memories do over-ride the happy ones - which seem so distant and few compared to the times of trial and struggle at times... especially when an unfortunate experience from the past causes a chain of events that continues on over the years. That can really make you feel like it is still going on... like a war between you and yourself. I loved your poem, and encourage you to continue to write more as you feel up to it. That is what is always so amazing about art - it's one good thing that can come out of a bad or haunting memory.

Hmmm.. thinking..thinking... I don't think I have any special memories haunting me, but I do know the therapeutic value of writing. The poem has a deep feeling of how those memories affect you and is quite strong for that same reason. I have noticed in older people, my mom for example that often the bad memories are much more vivid than the good ones. I keep hoping that such thing won't happen to me - I live my good memories - but don't have much hope. It makes sense that something that is painful has a long lasting effect, even more than something that is good. I think :)