Is it all you expected it to be?

Hi Tweetb. I've been married to the same man for over half my life. (A very long time). In the beginning, people usually enter into marriage with some pretty strange expectations. While that's not a bad thing, the expectations are usually not met until years later, after all of the excess baggage has been dealt with. Some people say the first 3 years is the hardest. Others say the first 5 years is the hardest. Still others talk about the 7 year itch. After all these years, my opinion is, it's an ongoing process. Marriage didn't become all I ever expected it to be until I stopped expecting it to be anything. My marriage turned into a terrific one when I realized we are both completely different individuals. He has his way of thinking and I have mine. He has a man's brain, I have a woman's brain. If I say it's white, he's going to say it's black, just to see how I respond. We both have our opinions and sometimes we have to just agree to disagree, although through the years, we've grown to know each other so well, we've found we really do agree a lot. He has his likes and dislikes and so do I and the most important thing is, both of them are important and valuable. He has his hobbies (that I don't like) and I have mine (that he doesn't like), but we respect each other's right to enjoy them. We have the things we do together. That's when it is at its best. I don't try to control him or his thought process and he's learned over the years that it doesn't do any good to try to control me. We've learned the meaning of our vows to each other; to love, honor and cherish, for without that, there's little hope for a successful relationship. For a marriage to end up being all you expected it to be, there has to be a lot of giving; more giving than taking. More sacrifice than most people are willing to give at first. You have to know who you are and you have to lay all your cards on the table, in honesty and trust, taking a lot of risks in the beginning, seasoned with tolerance, humility, respect and a lot of understanding. The best way to have a marriage be all it can be is to learn - not to expect too much. Make the best of each situation that comes up, be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. Sometimes it will appear you might be the only one working at it. It's what you make it, and it takes an understanding of committment. Any disappointments I might have had ended up being those I probably caused myself - from expecting way too much from someone who didn't know how to give me what I needed. How could he give anything if he didn't know what I needed---so I let him know what I needed from him. In turn, I listened to his needs too. It's a mutual understanding, entered into with the understanding and desire to 'make it work' and not becoming another statistic of divorce. After all these years, we've accomplished that and people asked us how we did it, often saying they wish they had the kind of relationship we have. That's a huge compliment as far as I'm concerned. You have to be willing to sacrifice and not take things so seriously.

My marriage is as good as it could be, I think. I think we all ecpect different things but as long as you are happy is all that matters. I have been married for almost 13 years now and I am very happy with it. With the way things are these days in life, I am pleased. I expected to be with someone who would stay with me and love me until the end and so far it has been good. I really don't have any disappointments so far.

So far, so good. My husband and I have been married for only about six months, but we have had our challenges, just as we expected. There were a number of things we had to deal with in our lives and in our families, and we were already together for better ANd for worse, with a bit of both, before the wedding, so our marriage vows were just repeating what we already knew.

for me marriage is a vogue of discovery and although initial expectations are quickly dismissed, its still exciting to travel this voige blessed be