Health of dad

I think you should get the refills. You could probably call the docs office and get the refills without him going in. You can't force him to go to the doc, but you can talk to him and let him know its not fair to you to do that to you. If he doesn't take his medicine he will get sicker. Then he will need more care. You can hurt a whole lot before you die. Sometimes dieing is not the worst thing that can happen. I do know that sometimes sick people do get tired of living. They don't feel good, they eel they have had a full life and they are ready to go. Is you dad in pain and sick alot. He might be depressed too, that is very common with older people with health problems. I would talk to your dad and also the doctor.

Wow. That is a tough situation Grandpa Bob. How can you convince someone to go to the doctor and take their meds if they don't want to? Well, I would talk to your dad first off and tell him that the reason why he feels well is because he is consistently taking his meds. If he doesn't take his meds he will begin to decline and it may not be pleasant for him. I would tell him that you love him and you only want the best for him and you strongly encourage him to go to the doctor. If he still persists, make the doctors appointment and tell him your going for a drive lol. My aunt had to do that with my uncle. I would also tell him it's not up to him when it's his time, it's up to God and apparently God hasn't come calling as of yet. Well, good luck on this. It has to be tough!

You should make the appointment to have him seen if that is what it takes to get the refills on his medications. Sounds like your father is stubborn. You did mention in earlier discussions that he was perfectly happy at the nursing home. When at the nursing home he was required to take his meds and they took care of everything for him. Being the caregiver for your father puts a tremendous strain on you. Do you have an adult day care facility in your town? This would be great for your father to attend on a daily basis. It would get him out into the community around other seniors. It will also give you some time for yourself too. Often times the local physicians make visits to these programs to see their patients too. Big huggers to you.

I believe that you should call his doctor and let him know what is going on. Sometimes all you need to do is call in a refill. He will not need to go in. No one should force him to do anything that he does not want to do. His wishes should be honored. I use to do in-home care. I would watch the patient's children do everything they could to keep their parent alive, because they were not ready to let go. This is not fair and it leaves the parent struggling in misery.

First of AGB I want to say I have missed you the last few days and was on the point of sending you a pm to make sure you are alright - I do hope you are! This is a difficult one sweety and I do not envy you having to make a decision on it. If you cannot persuade your dad to go to the dr and if it will stress him to try and persuade him perhaps you could go along and talk to the dr on your own and discuss the options and the way your dad is feeling about things, maybe he could prescribe some of the meds without seeing your dad? I know I would feel very torn if my Grandma was in this situation as I would want her to stay as well as possible for her and also for the rest of the family but then again they are adults and we do have to respect their wishes the best we can. My Grandma has always said that she could never bear to be a burden on anyone and she doesn't want to live if she becomes totally unable to look after herself - but if that happened I would still want her around, probably for selfish reasons but that is human nature isn't it? Whatever happens AGB I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers sweety! Hugs xxx

Grandpa Bob I feel for your plight. I know where you are in your decisions on what to do. I know your dad has heart problems my questions is does he have congestive heart failure? Is he taking a water pill? If he is when he stops taking that pill he will be very uncomfortable. Drowding is not a pretty way to die. I have seen my share of people die that way since I am an disabled RN. I understand his not wanting to live anymore and I understand his thinking but he is doing OK because of his meds. Maybe you should talk to him and ask him if it is time to get hospice involved. They are not only for cancer patients. I wonder if he gets unconfortable if he will want to go to the doctors office.

Yes I have, when hubby #1 was dying. He refused PT, although range of motion would have caused him to have less pain. There were no meds available, other than, vitamins, a common antihistamine and we could have gotten a pneumonia shot, but the last time he was at a doctor, they were out of the vaccine. He said he did not want life support, but he came to rely on his oxygen concentrator, and thought he would die without it. Hubby also had very good sense of when something was making his symptoms worse, rather than better, and would avoid all the medicines that caused problems. He also used a refusal of foods and meds to get the nursing home to listen to him on the subject of other things. It was a control issue, and he felt he had no control anymore, so he reclaimed it that way. When my great niece lived with me, she was a really little girl, who had a lot of prescription medicines, and sometimes she wanted to refuse them. We made an agreement that if she ever just HAD to refuse something, she could refuse her vitamins. It made her feel like she had control over some issues. I think that perhaps you can work a compromise with him about the medicines, if he thinks you are listening.

yes we are going through this with my mother in law, it is a hard decision to make, it is not something you can take lightly as you already know. It is painful for the caregiver to be put in this position, I suggest you talk it out with his doctor, your minister if you are a religious person and anyone else like a health care worker or anyone you feel comfortable with. No one can make that decision for you, but they may help for support

ask him to go to doctor or u can consult ther doctor and get medicines for him

Hi there, on reading your topic it seems I have been a similar situation as yours, my mum had health problems for many years of her life and recently needed more intense care. At the age of 80 she gave up and no longer wanted to live, she had surgery on her spine and was never well after it, her life consisted of living off medication and frequent emergency addmitions to the hospital, she also had a no recussitation wish, and after consulting with all parties concerned it was agreed that this should be so. I felt at times we were selfish wanting her to stay with us but towards the end she was suffering, and like your dad she would refuse her meds, also she wouldnt eat or drink, its quality of life that is more important,and to see parents have their life withering away is heartbreaking and yes hes right while its not broke don't fix it. Mum spend the last few days of her life connected to oxygen, untill we finally let her slip away peacefully last May the day after my birthday. Its very important to respect the wishes of our parents and loved ones,very difficult to make them hold on to life when they have given up. I know you will do right for your dad bless you both tc

Hi Grandpa Bob, It's great to see you here!:) This is a very tough call regarding your dad's meds and doctor's appointment. As your two previous respondents have said, if he doesn't take his meds, he will start to feel worse, and what's the point of that. Maybe you can just phone in the renewals, and convince him to see the doctor ASAP. If they won't accept 'phone ins' for this, then I'd just go ahead and make the appointment, and then make sure he gets there. You love him so much, and it's not fair to you or the rest of your family. A couple of years ago my sister in law was critically ill, with a number of very serious medical conditions. She was back and forth between three different hospitals, in the course of seven months. She did not come home in between. For some of this time, her mind had snapped, and she was behaving like a very small child. She treated her husband (my brother) who loves her so much, and the rest of the family, including myself, 'like dirt.' One day, miraculously, she just snapped out of this, and her mind and health returned to her. Once her mind had cleared, she had a 'do not take heroic measures' order put on her chart. Fortunately, that day didn't come, but I'm sure the order still stands. In this instance, although difficult, I feel the patient's family has to honour their wishes. Take care.

Oh Bob it's so hard being a caregiver and so easy for everyone to tell you what to do. We have hubbys brother living here. He has cebral palsy. When he came to be with us he had all kinds of meds to take and I recognized them as heart medications. I wasn't long getting him in to the doctor which was not hard to do because he knew he'd need a doctor to be living out here. Turned out he didn't need to be on any of that junk. The doctor advised me to wean him off slowly which I did, and here he is now pill free, feeling 100% better and even trys to help in the house now. It sounds to me like your dad is starting to give up which obviously is not a good thing. It's unfortunate physical therapy workers have quit and I'm assuning it's due to money, always is. These services have a great impact on seniors and when they're pulled from underneath people suffer the loss no matter how they belly ache about having to do things like excercises. My best advice is this continue to do what you do for your dad, encourage him as much as you can and at the end of the day reward yourself by letting yourself know you have done the best that you possibly could. Take care Bob!!!

Yes, as you know from my past postings, my brothers and I took care of our mom in her final days. she had the same wishes as your dad. She reached a certain point where the doctors really could do no more. The most we could do was to keep her comfortable as possible. We engaged the help of "hospice". They had her meds delivered to her home and we were in charge of administering them. We all took shifts and kept a notebook, logging when meds were given and any changes in her etc. The nurse came in twice a week and a social worker stopped by randomly to offer councelling to my mother or even us as it really wasn't easy. They also offered housekeeping which we declined and showers etc which we also declined...i did all that. There was a chaplain that offered spiritual councelling. Mostly they had 24/7 advice and moral support. My mother lived far longer than they expected on the onset of this journey and that was due to the love and care we all pulled together to provide her with. She passed on 1/23 with all of us by her bedside.

Well its kind of hard to decide being in a situation like yours. Sometimes as much as we wanted to help someone and he doesn't want to, that would close the avenue for help. But I do believe that as in your case, your dad just wants to take the burden out from you since you been the one giving care. So don't give up. As a paramedic, I have been called to respond on some cases wherein the relatives asks for assistance and the upon arrival, the patient doesn't want to be helped or given care. In cases like this, we have no choice but to have the patient sign a waiver and have it signed by witness that the patient was offered assistance but does not want any. What I do in this case is we leave but we keep our door open. What I'm trying to say is we do not force the issue right away but we tell the patient just in case you need our assistance we are just a call away or we will stick outside for a while just in case he or she changes her mind. As in your case maybe you could do this but with a little adjustment. Say, that you are concerned and respect his decision but you are always there and is ready if he changes his mind. Then come back again and ask if he has changed his mind after a while. That is why I said that you do a little adjustment. You agree to him and afterwards try to convince him to change his mind. Some people who are filled with emotions or high in emotions are hard to convince, so let the emotions and feelings settle down for a while and come back again. As in this case it would be better not to strike while the iron is hot.

I know I am a bit late here responding You are in a difficult situation there Grandpa Bob and I really don't know what I would do in this situation Your Dad doesn't want to go to the Doctors but if you risk that he does not go it could harm him but it is his wishes then you need to look at it from your point you want to keep your Dad as long as you can and are not willing to loose him and if you respect his wishes you will blame yourself I think if it was me I would make the appointment and make him go but I can not say that for sure because I am not in front of him and seeing how he is I guess when the Person is in front of you and says no more it is different so I really can not say which option I would take I hope you will be able to get this sorted the right way I am sorry I am not much help here Grandpa Bob

I symphatize with your dad and I may do the same if I were in his shoes. I just can't imagine how exhausting it must have been being operated upon then the recuperation and the things he has to do to keep himself healthy. But no matter how tired one becomes and no matter how noble our intentions maybe of respecting the wishing of those that we love, it is still our God given obligation to preserve life at all cost.

I wanted to post as an affirmation to all those posts above, hoping that the doctor will refill the meds for you over the phone. Without the meds, you could have your hands full if he suddenly gets worse. There's a difference between deteriorating condition and resusitation and that is just a miserable place to be! I saw this a lot when I worked in a senior citizen complex. They would forget to take their meds, or suddenly decide they didn't need them. They would get so depressed. After a trip to the hospital to get the medication regulated, they would get moved to assisted living and get their meds given to them. But you are the home version of assisted living, bless you. Good luck on getting the meds and then into him as well. whit