Compromising in a relationship, will you?
By cmofi123
@cmofi123 (344)
United States
February 22, 2008 10:17pm CST
When a relationship begins it's all sweet and lovey dovey. After you move in have kids and spend a couple of years together you start seeing the problems (or maybe earlier). Your hubby leaves clothes on the floor, his shoes in the kitchen, his boxers in the restroom etc...Here is where the arguments come in. Why? You tell them 1st time (nicely) nothing happends, 2nd (a little rough) nothing or little progress. But you have to sit and think for a while "this is the way he is but maybe he can change" then turn the table around, what does he complains about you? Too many shoes, no closet space for him, cheesy movies blah blah. Ok. Then you compromise and let some things slide try to give him more room but when does compromising crosses the line of changing who you are? Have you ever though about it? When you compromise in a relationship are you changing who you are? Not just a between a men and a women but in friendship. I had a great friend, who try to change me the way I dress and be all girlie (I'm a tomboy)and I let her be for a while and she even try to change my apt and that's when I kicked her out of my life. I try but I am who Iam.
4 people like this
7 responses
@sandip_0081 (33)
• India
24 Feb 08
Well before doing any type of compromising we must think that whether both the people involved are eager to develop the relationship to the next level.We have to analyze whether the things we will do to compromise will really be asset to relationship.Else compromising will be vain.
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
2 May 08
This is so true and mostly you don't even realise that you are giving up a part of yourself to fit in with others or changed situations. It's funny how you think you are doing the right thing, but find that the other person in your life always seems to give very little and continues doing what they want when they want without compromise or consideration to others.
We're responsible to pay attention to what we were doing before, and keep doing it. There's compromise along the way however, at the same time, it's important to remain true to ourselves as well.
@pogoaddict (72)
• United States
23 Feb 08
I understand completely what you're talking about. I find myself that I've made all these compromises, and yes, it has changed who I am. I don't feel like I have my own identity anymore. You can guess though that no compromises were made on his behalf. Oh well, I guess it's that way with most couples, huh?
@catjane (1036)
• United States
23 Feb 08
This is exactly what a good relationship thrives on...being able to compromise. No two people are alike and we all have our ways of doing things or not doing things. You just have to adjust to each other and let the other person be him/herself but with compromises. If you both like different movies, then watch one that he/she likes then watch the one you like. Take turns pleasing each other in different ways. it all works out eventually and no one has been changed.
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
6 Mar 08
Hi there! I think that compromising is a really important ingredient in a relationship. I don't think that there are two individuals exactly alike and nobody's perfect. Sometimes, there are persons who actually have more flaws or weaknesses when it comes to relationships, romantic or friendly than their strength. That's when compromising comes in and fixes the results of the persons' involved's differences. I think that it's easy when both would just learn to be considerate of the other.
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
23 Feb 08
I will gladly compromise in a relationship if it is something that will help improve our relationship. However I will not change myself. Things that you mentioned in your discussion happend in my household alot too, I have tried getting my partner to clean up, however it never happens. I do the dishes, washing, cooking. I think he has cooked maybe 5 times since we have been together for year and a half. At first I used to ask nicely like yourself, nothing happens, then I ask again, still nothing. Then I nag, still nothing...... So I have given up trying to get him to help out as it only upsets me, had to lower my expectations. If he asked me to do simple things that annoy him, like remember to shut the door. That used to annoy him, I make sure I always shut the doors now. I guess it is hard sometimes trying to comprimise.
AS for someone trying to change what you wear, that is not compromising, that is control. Your friend was trying to change who you are, your individuality. I would not compromise with that at all. You made the right choice with your friendship.
Good discussion!!
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
23 Feb 08
I don't believe that compromise has to change the core of who you are. Compromise in a marriage helps things to run smoothly. My husband does leave his clothes in the floor and he says that I DO have too many shoes but if he or I feel that something goes against the grain of who we are, one of us will put our foot down.
Just because you are married or in a close friendship does not mean that you are not still an individual.
