if your BF/GF doesn't allow you to go out with friends, would you lie to him/her

Sounds to me like you are in the begining stages of an abusive relationship. This boyfriend is control happy and you are letting him be that way by "aking permission" you don't have to ask permission to do any thing. You can let him know what you are doing or tell him but for no reason in the world should you say honey can I go to the movies? You really need to look hard into your relationship and see the other things he does I'm sure there is more. Ask a trusted friend to tell you honestly what he or she thinks of the boyfirend. My bet is if your friend is honest he or she will say the boyfriend shoud go. If you have to lie to the person now to be with him what do you think would happen if you got married? Do you think it will get better? Because it won't I promisse. Good luck and really take a look at your self you don't deserve to be treated like a child.

Personally if your bf/gf won't let you hang out with friends or family without freaking out. That isn't someone you would want a relationship with. That shows that they don't trust you and trust is everything in a relationship. I say either break up with a person who is like this or lie to them. If i was in this predicament i would either find them help or dump them but thats just me.

first off i think maybe your asking yourself the wrong question. What if you marry this guy? Don't you think he will become even more controlling than. Apparently he has not trust for you if he gives you such a hard time that you actually have to lie to him about where you are going. If it was me I would not put up with these things. You are not a little girl and he is not your father. You are more than capable to make your own decisions and should be able too without getting a hard time

Well my problem starts with what you said at first...ok..first of all he's your boyfriend not your dad(and your not five years old)I don't really understand why you have to ask him to go out with anyone....and second of all no i wouldn't lie to my girlfriend...I would just say I am going to a wedding and you can come along and if she didn't want to I would say well I ll be back tonight...

Hi. I read every single one of the posts and your replies. Many people on this site are intellegent and caring. I think you got some excellent advice; leaving him. All of your responses justify or defend your boyfriend's controlling behaviour. You mentioned physical abuse. If you think he might hurt you, he will. Of course, everyone has given similiar advice. I was wondering if you have other relationships where you allow people to treat you this way? Perhaps it's time for you to ask why you feel you deserve to be treated this way? Sometimes a childhood trauma; ie: issues with a dad or brother, often cause women to end up in relationships like yours. It's possible you feel guilty about who you are, or perhaps you seek someone to control emotions and feelings you cannot. In the end, it's your decision. I would be terrified to live with this man. Let me encourage you to talk to someone about your feelings. Everyone on mylot is trying to help you and you're resisting. No one can help you if you continue defending him. Please consider everyone's warnings carefully. If you learn more about who you are, you can make sensible and safe decisions regarding all relationships in your life. Good luck and take care.

i'm always honest with my boyfriend,i always ask permission to him if he will allow me to go with my friends or cousins. i'm doing that so that he will do the same..

H0nestly i would be saying bye bye that person. First off i never see the need to ask permission from some one to go out. Im an adult and make my own choices. Remember a relation ship is a partnership, equal partners. One partner shouldnt be makeing all choices for the other, that includes picking fights over going out. I personally was the oppisite i was always saying my ex wife should go out more wasnt right for her to be stuck in the house when i while i was at work. If i found myself in the sitution you are in i would be getting out of it, i believe Ebsharer touched on it, it is the begining signs of an abusive relationship, cut off from family and friends, then demoralise and lower self esteem. I wonder if that has started, little comments about what you wear, eat, or do.

First off he wouldn't tell me where or with whom I could go out with, we both have times that the other doesn't go. He has retirement parties and meetings and dinners he goes to without me, I don't tell him not too. I have a dinner with my work peers and he is unable to go, he's not going to tell me not to go. As well as I'm going to my daughters and she and I are going to a weekend retreat with an ocean view, he thinks it's great that I'm getting away before I go back to work, I work as a seasonal wildland firefighter for the forestry. So basically we trust each other and we don't ever have that argument. However I wouldn't lie to him, I'd just tell him I'm going, that's where I'll be, and that's who I'll be with, see ya when I get home, and if you aren't here, ok.

I'm not sure how close is your relationship with your bf but I feel that he is controlling what you do. In the past, I would have done the same thing as you do. But problem is that how long can you lie when similar problem occurs again?

before I answer your question let ask you first what is his reason why he is not allowing you to go out I know he tell you his reason. To tell you frankly there is problem with both of you, in a relationship you must have trust and it's very very important. Or maybe you did something in the past, that he is not allowing for not doing it again. Now if this is not the reason then why? When I got a boyfriend way back then they allow me to go with my friends there is a limit of course you know what's your limit isn't it. I did not do any thing to take away his trust for me. If you hide anything from him soo he will know about it and will be more angry with you. Talk, discuss it with him tell him that you need to go out with them sometimes epecially in special occassion try also to invite him to go with you. You must be open to him yes he is strick as you said but he will understand you if you tell him what you feel about the things he do to you, tell him that you need air to breath that he is holding you to the neck so tight and you cannot breath. I know he will understand try it.

i dont hv a gf. so no damn peoblem. i go out with my frnds whenever i want to

From the bottom of my heart I say this. And I know it might be hard, and I know how love can be when it keeps pulling you back. But....RUN! RUN FAR FAR away. Like a few people have said, it gets worse after marriage. I know, my Dad was like this with my mum and me. He didnt let her go anywhere without him, or his permission. He Would give her grief when she went anywhere without him, even school. Family gatherings were a pain, cause he complained about going. Everything that wasn't what he wanted to do, we never heard the end of. As I got older, I wasn't allowed to go out, I wasn't allowed friends, or to use the phone. I was a 15 yo girl, who wasn't allowed to be a teenager. Men like this, if they don't get help, will only get worse over time. I know it's hard, and you love him. It took my mum 17 years to leave my dad. But you are young, and you need somebody who will respect and trust you. Without trust, you have nothing. I will pray for you

I didn't read all the replies, so I apologize if this has already been said... Listen, if you have to lie, your relationship is not what it should be. You can say you love each other all you want, but the fact is, if he treats you this way, he does NOT love you. He wants to control you. Love is not about control. You said you can't take him out with you because he complains the whole time. He gives you a hard time when you want to go out without him. I'm sorry, but this is NOT healthy. He has very little respect for you if he puts you in a position to have to chose between living your life and being with him. (Like it or not, those snide comments and the whole attitude is doing exactly that.) I don't know how long you've been with him, or how old you both are. It doesn't really matter. This sounds like he could very easier progress onto worse things. OK, you lied to him. (Sorry, a small lie is still a lie and it violates trust...not that I think he has any for you to begin with.) What happens when he finds out about the lie? What happens, if say, your friend sends you a thank you card and he sees it? Do you tell another lie to cover up the first one? Is this really how you want to live your life? I've been where you are. It started out as a small inconvenience with occasional fights. It ended with me being beaten up, having three broken ribs, a messed up jaw and two eyes swollen shut. He then went on to murder someone is currently sitting in jail...it could have been me. When people who seek control do not get it, they find other ways to do so. It's usually never good. It could turn to physical abuse, or could stay verbal and mental. (If you ask me, mental abuse is worse...bruises heal much faster than a damaged psyche.) He is mentally abusing you, even you don't see it. A mature, healthy relationship is all about compromise and FREEDOM. The two of you should have your own individual things that you do apart, as well as things you do together. There should never be any of what you're having to deal with. There should certainly be NO need to lie, regardless of how small the lie may be. To answer your question, no I wouldn't lie. I'd tell him exactly where I was going and if he didn't like it, he can watch the doorknob don't hit him where the good lord split him on his way out. Or he could give me a GOOD reason why I should consider not going. "Just because" don't cut it.

First of all if you have to lie, you are in the wrong relationship. Secondly invite him along, and if he does not want to go, then ok I will see you later tonight. Does he invite you out? He is just a boyfriend, where is the contract you signed that makes you his property?

To me I would not need permission, if the boyfriend is that strict, it shows signs of being to controlling, to the point of abuse. I personally wouldn't have to worry about argument, I would go with my friends, I would still live my own life, if he has a problem with me seeing my friends while we were just dating, and was that controlling then it shows that he would have some serious issues later on. No I wouldn't lie, I would go to see friends and if the boyfriend felt he needed to give permission on this issue I would tell him to go get counselling, since he obviously has issues and he needs to grow up and live in the real world. If he still felt the need to control me that much then for me the relationship just wouldn't work, I would be gone.

I think having a relationship with someone who over-control you and doesn't trust you going out with friends is an unhealthy relationship. I guess you have to think it over seriously if you really want to forego your relationship with your over-controlling bf. You don't have to lie. Just tell him casually that you are attending a friend's wedding and ask if he wants to come along. If he doesn't want to go with you, then fine. He is just your boyfriend, not your father or husband.

Hmmm... its so difficult for me also to have that kind of bf. It seems he turned to be possessive to you. For me, its better to solve with him, say to your bf, be relax... anyway, you're human and you need to socialize with other person not only your bf. :))

You shouldn't need your bf's "permission" to do anything, especially see friends. If he had a dinner or something planed I could see him being upset, but that's it. He's a control freak and will not change.

my boyfrnd is very possessive so sometimes i lie to him !! sometimes i go 4 a date with other boys too !! jus 4 change !!

I think the real question is, how come you have to ask permission from your boyfriend? You should be able to make your own decisions and he shouldn't be able to rule you like that, it's unhealthy. I wouldn't let any person, especially man, control me, especially when it comes to family and friends. I could understand his jealousy if it was other men, but it seems very innocent and he seems jealous.