Worried For My Sons Safety -
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
February 25, 2008 7:33am CST
My eldest boy is 16 years old, he is still in high school. A couple of years ago he had a fall out with another boy, they just didnt like each other from the start. This feud has slowly become more worse as time has gone on, but its never been nasty just genuine dislike. So on Friday just gone, my son had left his mobile at home and it started ringing, and it just kept ringing constantly, in the end I turned it off, simply because my son does not like me to answer it. When he came in I told him and he checked it, there were 11 unknown missed calls on it. He was not worried about it and he went off for the weekend to stay with a friend and also go to work for my mum on the Saturday. Anyway, my Mum phoned me yesterday and said "Do you know that someone has been sending Matt threatening phone calls, and they have threatened to kill him after school on Monday" I said "No but his phone was ringing constantly on Friday". Apparently my son had told my mum about it and said that it was this boy that he did not like,he had phoned matt and told him that he was going to kill him after school on Monday, but he was not concerned about it because he was not frightened of him. So my mum was ok about it until one of the girls that worked for her, pulled her to one side and said "Look, I dont want to alarm you, but I know that boy and I have to tell you he carries a knife, so Matt needs to be careful". So when my son came home we talked about the situation and he said that yes he had been threatened but he was ok about it and he could handle it. He said that the boy would not have the courage to come at him with a knife. So heres the current situation, the school wont do anything because the other boy is 18 and no longer in school, so the school will not get involved. The police wont get involved because there is no evidence and its my sons word against his, and if I go to the police My son will just say its nothing anyway because he does not believe its serious and I cannot go and meet him after school because he would be really embarrassed and it would just make him look like a mummys boy. So I have to sit at home and wait for him to come home after school and hope and pray that nothing happens. The other scary thing was my son telling me that nearly all his friends carry a knife, why? Why can they not just sort things out the old fashioned way, why do they have to arm themselves? Every day on the news you hear of young kids being stabbed to death in the streets, at school and I dont understand it. Have you ever had anything like this happen to your children? Do you know of anyone who has been seriously hurt through this kind of thing? How on earth can we stop them and make them realise that this is not a game?
3 people like this
9 responses
@NewbieHelper (308)
• Canada
26 Feb 08
gemini_rose
Do you know what the feud is about? How did it start? There's probably a better chance of ironing out words than of disarming an angry youth carrying a knife in the near future - especially if, from what your son says in a nonchalant way, 'all his friends carry a knife.' Has your son told you the details about how this 'dislike' from the older teen has turned so intense over a couple of years?
@NewbieHelper (308)
• Canada
28 Feb 08
If this Martin teen is not somone who looks frightening, then why are you giving him more power because of a knife?
Again, the knife is really not the problem here. You may have assumed that because a knife is RUMORED to be present that you should deal with the situation in a different than 'usual' way. The usual, effective way to deal with differences is often to discuss the problems.
The whole idea of a knife effectively SIDE-TRACKS anyone's direct intention to act toward a solution to this problem. Fear of this knife gives Martin all the power in the world to keep threatening your son.
What would be the rational thing to do if no knife was ever mentioned?
What is the rational thing to do if there really is a knife? Though I said that the knife is not the real issue here, I'm not trying to say not to disregard the mention of it completely...rather - if you are going to accept the knife as an element in this scenario, then DO SO FULLY and realize that it is a weapon - and get to the bottom of all this junk 'just in case,' before that weapon truly does become an additional problem - know what I mean?
If your son were 8 years old and a threat was issued against him and you were concerned about his safety, would it then be important to report the threats to the police? (You are still a parent with a son under your care).
If you are worried about your son's reaction to whatever you decide - that is - if you decide that there is an action to proceed with - you can remind him that you are his parent, acting on concern for his well-being.
You can also remind him that you are only making a choice, based on the fact that two people you are concerned about have been unable to come to a rational closure on this matter (whatever the matter really is), even though they have had YEARS to resolve differences and act appropriately toward each other.
In this, you may or may not end up being, in your son's eyes, an over-reacting mom who makes a son feel embarrassed. Your INTENTION can be stated as trying to show your son that HE HAD THE POWER ALL ALONG TO RESOLVE THIS IN A BETTER WAY HIMSELF but that you are now taking over the decision making in this situation because he failed to successfully resolve this issue.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Feb 08
The feud started a couple of years ago, to tell this I will use their names as it will get confusing. My son, Matt, became friends with a boy in school called Alex, he was friends at the time with another boy called Martin, but only because their mums were friends. Martins mum was not interested in her son and would always be asking alexs mum to let him stay so this was why they were friends, but martin always dominated alex and so when alex met matt, martin didnt like it and thats where it has all sprung from, because matt and martin would talk about each other behind backs to alex and alex would be telling matt and martin what the other had said, so thats how it became worse! I agree with you about talking, and although he is not someone you would look at and be scared of I think you can never underestimate anger when it is known that they could be carrying a weapon.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
26 Feb 08
No I have not had to deal with anything like this till now but your anxiety comes through in your post and as a mother, I can feel it. You say the police wont act, but cant you show them the threat messages that were received on Friday as evidences? If this does not work, cant you get the local church, or the local community or other people involved? But on second thoughts, things wont really work out that way. With neighbourhood intervention, the other boy may back off for some days, but eventually he will get at your son and your son will have to fight it out on his own. Can you in no way scare the other boy away?
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
27 Feb 08
Please connect with us whenever you need to….a neutral opinion always helps when you are confused and going around among the same people with the same opinion.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Feb 08
Yesterday I felt quite uneasy and had a heavy feeling in my stomach, my husband works and so I am alone all day with my youngest daughter, had no one to talk to, it made me feel a bit better being able to talk about it on here if that makes sense. I can get myself very worked up about things when I am alone. My son deleted any messages he had, but I went into the police station and had a word with them and they assured me that they would keep their eyes out at school time but you see sometimes getting the authorities involved can indeed make things worse. My husband is prepared to go and have a quiet word with the lad if he keeps on with his threats, he does not live in our area he just comes down every so often so no one really knows where to find him. He is not a well liked boy, but he has not got a history of violence, he just likes to think he is big and tough, but between him and my son there is such a huge dislike that has gone on for a couple of years but I think things change when threats are made because you never know when someone is just going to snap. He didnt turn up at the school yesterday and so far my son has had no more calls or any threats, the boy had tried to stir up some trouble with other boys that my son knows, to try and get them on him too, but my son managed to talk with them and sort it out and say look this other boy is the one thats causing all this, so at the moment the trouble causer could be keeping his head down. Thank you for responding to this, it has helped me put things into perspective a lot with all the friendly responces I have had.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Wow that is scary. I'm scared for your son and I don't even know him. Stuff like that is what makes me worried about my kids going to school. My oldest starts kindergarten this coming school year. I'm atleast glad that we live in a pretty calm area, but I'm sure that bad stuff still happens. I hope that your son will be ok...doesn't he have the voicemail messages that he could take to the police? Please leave us all know that he made it home safe.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Feb 08
Unfortunately he phoned matt, my son up, and made the threat over the phone and so there is no record of it. Matt just is not scared of him at all, and he thinks that he will be ok, but I have got the school involved and also police are aware so they will be keeping a watch out, and Matt got home from school ok, and thank you so so much for your concern, it helped me a lot just knowing that I could talk about this on here and just have a bit of support.
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I would be waiting to pick my son up after school His life is more important than his embarrassment. I would also call the police and tell them that my son who is 16 is receiveing threats from a boy who is an adult. if anything happened to him you would blame your self for not doing anything. Do something even if it makes your son mad at me. He will be alive and safe.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Feb 08
Yes and thank you for your concern, I walked down and met him after I had picked the other children up.
1 person likes this
@bukolalola (71)
• Nigeria
25 Feb 08
gemini, i want you to know that this can only be solved by God. the children nowadays are so wild that most times i wonder that could it be the cow milk they were being given that make them to behave like animals.
to your question, i believe strongly that you need to pray a lot b'cos the bible says that the heart of a king is in God's hands: much more the heart of a boy. just tell God that He should blind the boy so that he does not see your son.
some children can be so dangerous so do not look at it as something of little importance. you can also change his school if possible.
@Gesusdid (1676)
• United States
26 Feb 08
gemni i can sorta relate i dont have kids but i have a younger brother ,and just today at his old elementry school , a gang was discoverd on the campus plotting to start a riot gang war , in 5 th grade 11 years old .. , thank god its under control now cause who knows what would have happend ..to me now killing period is wrong , but when you bring it towards pepole who want to do something with their lives its nonsense and straight ignorance its sloppy ..like why ?..i say sloppy because half of these guys cant fist fight like the old days im asuming thats what you ment Gemni? so they go for a weapon as a safety crutch...but yeah try to stop it anyway you can we dont need innocent blood spilled anymore on this earth
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Feb 08
They cannot fist fight you are right, and sometimes even if they do have a fist fight, the loser sometimes has to go back but with a weapon because he/she is humiliated by being beat. I have made the authorities aware so hopefully it will all just resolve itself before any real harm gets done.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Bull crap, I would contact the police!! I would make the report, and just maybe they will beef up a little security. Maybe they cannot do anything to the boy, but they can be around and have a close eye. Also, I would be somewhere close, and might even borrow someone elses car and keep an eye out. Why are kids allowed to carry knives at school? You said his friends do. They are considered a weapon, and should not be allowed. I am sure if you clue the school in, they will keep an eye out when school lets out for something suspicious. I would tell them that your son is just fluffing it off, but you are very concerned. Don't just sit back and be sorry you did nothing. You won't get a second chance, if your son is wrong!!!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Feb 08
Luckily my son does not venture out much at night, hes not one for hanging around the streets like his mates. This boy is not in school, he is 18, the other boys that go to school with my son apparently carry weapons when they go out at night, recently they were stopped by the police and although one had a knife nothing was done, they were just sent off with a warning! This is one of the reasons that my lad and his close mate do not go out much. The school are aware as I phoned them this morning and they said they will keep an eye out for anybody seen hanging around. Luckily he has come home safe after school and there has been no sign of the boy.
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I am so happy that my kids are all grown up and adults now but then now I have to worry about my grandkids going to school and having to deal with this stuff. Schools and police are never any help until it's too late which is so ridiculous to me. For starters I would have my son change his phone number. As for kids with knives have you thought about talking to parents of the kids who carry them? Isn't it illegal to carry a knife? Wouldn't the police do something if they caught a kid with a knife? Something to think about maybe.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Feb 08
It is illegal to carry a knife, the boy in question comes from a broken home and as far as I am aware has very little to do now with either parent as he is 18, the police may do something if they could catch him with a knife but as it stands he lives in a different area and at the minute is just a normal fall out even though he has made a threat there is no evidence and nothing to back it up.
@Gesusdid (1676)
• United States
26 Feb 08
gemni i can sorta relate i dont have kids but i have a younger brother ,and just today at his old elementry school , a gang was discoverd on the campus plotting to start a riot gang war , in 5 th grade 11 years old .. , thank god its under control now cause who knows what would have happend ..to me now killing period is wrong , but when you bring it towards pepole who want to do something with their lives its nonsense and straight ignorance its sloppy ..like why ?..i say sloppy because half of these guys cant fist fight like the old days im asuming thats what you ment Gemni? so they go for a weapon as a safety crutch...but yeah try to stop it anyway you can we dont need innocent blood spilled anymore on this earth
