Single Parenting
By momoflilboys
@momoflilboys (74)
United States
February 26, 2008 3:11am CST
Hi, I am a single mother of three boys. I am happy as a single mother even though it wasnt by choice. My kids father walked out on ME when I got pregnant with my third son. He pays childsupport for all 3. He gets our two oldest boys twice a week and every other weekend. However, he doesnt have any physical contact with our youngest son. He sees him when he comes to get our oldest boys, but says nothing or even acknowledges that my youngest son is there. It took me almost a year (my youngest is 16 mths) to realize that it would be a while before my sons father actually starts to act like our baby is his. I have wasted my breath until my son was 7 mths old trying to get him to spend time with our baby, even to get him to hold him was like pulling teeth(he only held him 3 times). I get so angry at the sight of my childrens father, but I know I have to stay civilized for the sake of my children. They dont need to hear me arguing with their father about their brother. But even they are starting to ask questions about why daddy doesnt love their baby brother. I use to cry alot in the beginning, wondering why this man doesnt love our beautiful baby the way that I love him. Now I feel bad for him because our son is growing, hes intelligent, hes exciting to be around. He doesnt know that our son started walking at 10mths and started talking at 9mths. He doesnt know that he likes to pretend like hes reading books. Recently he started asking me where his daddy is. That hurts so bad. He also crys whenever his brothers leave with their father and he cant go. The older he gets the more he stares at him like he knows him from somewhere. Again, his father doesnt acknowledge him even when our son is staring him straight in the face. I ask myself, what is wrong with this man. I wonder, how can he and his family look at our oldest boys and not think about our youngest one? I dont understand! Is there anything to understand? I havent talked about this for a while, because I try not to think about it, I get so angry when I do. But it happened again today. My youngest son staring in his fathers face and he said nothing to him. Then when he was leaving with our two oldest boys my youngest started crying and even grabbed his coat so he could go. This hurts so bad. I dont get it!
3 responses
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
26 Feb 08
I agree with cydzzj.. and i also think there's another reason why he's doing that. As i read about your story, it came to my mind also that maybe your ex-husband thinks that the youngest child wasn't his son. (i'm sorry too for thinking about this)But what i'm trying to say is maybe you and your ex-husband should seriously talk about that problem and it isn't good for the little one to feel that way, especially when he doesn't receive love and attention from his father while his other brothers does. Its better if you confront your husband about the situation and make him understand that what he's doing is not good for your youngest child's emotional upbringing. May i also ask if you don't mind what is the reason of your breakup with your ex-husband?
@enshangsdagurl (1)
•
26 Feb 08
I agree to both of them.. if that's his reaction maybe he really thinks that it wasn't his. But have you tried confronting him about the situation? would you just give up on him without a fight? you fight for what is right. and try to convince him that he is oblige of loving your youngest son too. Dare him to have DNA test if possible for you to justify that you are not playing around. That your 3rd son was his and only his.
@momoflilboys (74)
• United States
26 Feb 08
Hi think you all for commenting on my discussion. To answer everyones question, I ask him when our son was 3 months old if he wanted a paternity test. At first he told me NO he knows our son is his and that he didnt want one. A month later at the domestics relations office he asked for one. He had one and obviously my baby is his. I called him when I got the results in the mail, to see if he wanted to see his son. He told me NO! If there is another reason than I dont know it. I would not lie. We were never married, everything was good until I got pregnant. He left one weekend and didnt call for a week and after that the only time I seen him was when he came and got our other boys, who by the way we have joint custody of. I talked to my lawyer and I cant just keep him away from the other two just because he wont see the baby. Believe me I thought about it. I even stopped inviting him to my oldest sons bday parties, because he doesnt come to my youngest sons. I even stopped letting him in my apt when he comes and get the boys, he has to stand out in the hall. But now that my youngest is walking it is hard to keep him away from the door. I have cried to this man for months wondering why he will not see our baby. Im tired of crying. Its also weird because his father was emailing me everyday for 8 months of my pregnancy about he cant wait to meet his new grandson, he sees that my kids are well taken care of, that he cant help but love me when he looks at my boys, then.....I didnt talk to him for a week (because I was in the hospital) and when I tried to talk to him after that, he wouldnt speak to me. He hasnt seen my baby at all. I also think that my kids grandmother, their dads mother has a big influence on how my kids dad act. Its always been that way, but I cannot imagine her telling him not to see his other son, her grandson. Believe me I have asked her, and she gives me a dumb answer also. I dont know. I have and prob always will be dumb founded.
I am a very independent single mother. My friends and family always say, its okay to ask for help sometimes. My children dont want for anything. And I dont depend on anybody for anything. The childsupport is what my kids are obligated to get from their dad.
@bobbyjoe143 (1287)
•
26 Feb 08
personally i think your childrens fater is just being childish...
he was obviously happy with the status quo before you got pregnant for the third time, he didn't like the fact that you had the third and walked out on you because of it.
he is now basically playing very mean mind games with both you and your youngest child, by not acknoleging the youngest child, he is making it his business to make you upset(as a punishment for going ahead with a pregnancy he didn't want), but it is now also affecting the child too.
personally (and this is only my view, not something that everyone would do) i would tell him that unless he treat all 3 children equally, he couldn't see any. yes that might seem like you are punishing your other sons, but you ex. should not take your relationship break down out on your youngest. i was the third child of 6, and my mother always made sure we were treat the same, she even stopped us from seeing my grandmother for a time as she never treated my older sister fairly when we were there.
yes it was upsetting for us to not be able to see our grandmother, but my parents sat us down and explained to us why we couldn't see her and we understood.
your childrens father needs to grow up, and if he wont acknolege your youngest, then maybe it is best for your sone to never be in the situation of seeing the man again.
if you definately don't want to stop him seeing your other 2, then why not make him pick the other 2 up away from your youngest, like go to a family members house to drop the other 2 off, then go out with your youngest?
i am not toally sure what you can do about this, as it's a very individual thing to do, let him see them, make him accept the third or just coast along as it is... it's a very hard decision to make, good luck.
