help me
By stormieda
@stormieda (7)
Malaysia
February 26, 2008 10:02am CST
ive been with my bf for more than 3 years now. we had wonderful time. he is a wonderful man. we have go through so much things to stay together. actually, my family didnt approve this relationship. they hv done so many thing to keep us apart. we survive until now because my family didnt know that we r still together. they thought i have broke up with him years ago bcos i never talk about him anymore with them.
all of this problem actually come from my bf.his earning is not much. actually, i also hv doubt that he can give me everything that i want. i stay with him bcos i thing love is all that i need. i thought he will change n try to find side jobs. but he didnt want that.
recently, my family tried to introduce me to a rich guy.i hvnt meet him. i was afraid actually. im afraid that i will attracted to him n leave my bf. plz, help me. tell me what should i do.
5 people like this
26 responses
@plainhousewife (332)
• Philippines
26 Feb 08
it's easy to say that "love is all you need" when you are indeed so in love with being in love.
Let's get real here. If you do end up with your boyfriend in the future, do you think he'd be able to provide for you and your future family? If he isn't keen in looking for a bigger source of income and is already contented with what he is earning at present, will this not pose as a problem for you as a wife and and a mother of your future kids?
I think your parents are concerned only about your future and think only whats best for you. Why not meet the "rich guy" your parents want you to meet? it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to marry him, right? (Unless of course, it's an arranged marriage)
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
• Philippines
26 Feb 08
Let me ask you, can you marry someone you don't even love and spend your whole life with him? Well, they said that you can teach your heart to love someone, what if you can't? What will you do? Yeah, you meet and end up with someone who can provide you with everything but the big question there is, will you be happy? Will you not seek other peoples comfort or love? The one that you love and who love you back. People will change, maybe when you and your boyfriend will get married in the future, he will change and will find a good job that what he have right now and by that time, he can provide you and your family everything you wanted and needed. I mean, you should not just leave him the responsibility and everything, you should help each other out. It's really good when you end up with someone that you love and someone who also can provide.
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
• Philippines
26 Feb 08
Why are you so confused? Don't you love your boyfriend that much that you are afraid that you might fall in love with the other guy that your parents tried to introduced to you? If you really like/love your boyfriend who won't be asking that question. It's pretty interesting and challenging situation though. But all I can say that, it doesn't matter what your parents told you to do or ask you to do for them, if you love your boyfriend you won't leave him for that reason.
1 person likes this
@jithinsb (518)
• India
27 Feb 08
I think as you have come under a confusion now itself,there is no point in continuing the relation..You may find it difficult to undergo the desperate feeling that you might be having if you are stopping it now,but i think if you continue you will have problems in the future..As your mind is already is a dilemma in no time you will get fed up with all these thoughts and problems that you may be facing after your marriage with your boyfriend,that too you are against your family..so you won't be having that much support from your family side...whatever may happen ,you have to face it by yourself..
you should somehow make up your mind and tell the whole stuff to your boyfriend..tell your parents about the split up and tell them that you need some time to make up your mind to normal and for the time being reject the new rich guy..and say after four or five months,when you are completely normal and your boyfriend is completely out of your mind,proceed with your life...
Be bold enough to face the split up...
all the best
@stormieda (7)
• Malaysia
27 Feb 08
everyone,
thank you for all of your opinions. i hv go through all of them. i really appreciate what u all have written. after reading all of it, i realize something.i have to make my decision alone. its mayb tough from this day onwards, but i still have to face it.
actually, my bf is fully aware of the problem. he has a job that suit his qualification.he tried to do some extra job. but he cant do much as he work as a govement servant.for some people, his earnings mayb enough. but for me, i dont know. i admit that this whole problem is just about money. i am a student n going to finish my study this year. my bf always said that things are going to be alright after i start working. actually, i believe him.but i dont think my family will think the same way.
i love my bf. i love him very much.i just want to be with him and live a simple life.but my parents, they want me to hv everything in this world.being with an average guy is a problem to for them.some of you said that i should go n meet the rich guy without telling my bf. i feel like i betrayed my bf if i do that. i hv made up my mind. i will meet the rich guy. but i will tell my bf. i know i might hurt him, but its better than im living my life with feeling guilty toward him. i think he will understand because he knows everything about this problem.
but everyone, im sorry.i will not come clean to my family about my relationship with my bf. i dont want to take that chance. i dont want them to hurt my bf some more.he is a very important man in my life. i might hurt both of us.if i do,i believe its because i hv to do it. mayb some of u are right. my family done all this,its for my own good.mayb im the one who dont understand it.but ewhat bout my love?my life?
guys,once again,thank you. u all hv been a great help. lastly, i just want to tell u all, i will not done anything until something happen. in the mean time, im just going to b with my bf, try to b as happy as we can b,try to spend as much time together,try to love him more. we might not have much time left. but i just want all my time with him to b a great memory. plz wish us good luck.thank you once again
@mindrich (183)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
I had been into that same situation. I did everything seeking good advice from my friends. But it seemed nothing...until I surrendered all my future actions to our God thru a 1 week sincere Prayer. Believe me solution will soon to appear where impossible would make possible beyond your thinking. God Bless!
@stormieda (7)
• Malaysia
28 Feb 08
hi mindrich
u said that u hv been in the same situation.what did u do?how r u now?
@sallysue (326)
• Canada
27 Feb 08
Hi: I think you should pray about this. The Lord hear's our smallest prayers. Ask the Lord to direct you to the best thing for you. If you are really in love with your boyfriend the man your family wants you to meet will not appeal to you at all. The decision for your future and your boyfriend has to be your decision not your family.
@stormieda (7)
• Malaysia
28 Feb 08
hi sallysue
its not i not beleive in god but u know this problems have been going on for so long. and my parents, they are like dictators. i cant disobey them.that's why i'll not telling them anything. but sometimes, pray really calm me down. but still my problem doesn't go away.
@djmarion (4898)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
if you really love each other and want to make your relationship survive then you need to meet halfway. ask him what he think is better for your parents to accept your relationship with him and also tell your suggestions. if he really want to please your parents then he can try doing or following your suggested ways.
subsequently you can tell your parents about your dilemma, admit your relationship and stand up for it. prove your parents that you really love your guy and there's nothing they can do to change that.
also to that rich man your parents want you to meet. i only see a problem to that ifever you personally think of showing interest otherwise he can't seduce you. money isn't everything.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
It's ok with you to meet with the new guy but if you still love your bf, you won't get carried away by his riches.If you get attracted to him,it's not your fault.God has a way of guiding you to the right path.Just follow what your heart says but never fail to use your head because you might end up crazy.
@herrygs (133)
• Indonesia
28 Feb 08
3 years it quite enough to know what tipe of your best friend is. If you really concern and sure about this man gonna be your man in the rest of your life, please be patient and help him too.
Joining one stranger or someone outside of our family needs a lot of adjustment, including acceptance from your bestfriend too.
Try to involve him in your family activity, not so frequently at first. until your family can accept him, until your family feels there's a thing not complete without your bf appearance.
Meanwhile, your family or your bf can evaluate eachself.
is this the right person for my daughter? is this the right person for to married?
don't push it to hard, let it flow by the times. I believe, if you are a perfect couple, you will catch your wish later.
@arunaustin2k (11)
•
28 Feb 08
hey.. basically u should be much stronger in ur luv tan ur now.. u should go with ur boyfriend at any cost.. u should try to improve his performance and get a nice jod.. after all tats the work of a girlfriend..
Finally i've 1 doubt.. the way u speak looks like ur an indian.. r U???? if so, plz respond..
@jc00771 (155)
• China
2 Mar 08
oh, i guess the most important thing is your own idea about this problem. if you really love him and would last like before the whole life and you feel happy you can just stick to him and try to pusuade your fimily to accept him. and you can even try your best to help him to find a side job and change his current situation. in other case, if you doubt his love on you and you think besides love there must be more he should give you but he can't give at the moment and no wish to give. you may reconsider your choice and think it over,comparing other guys, because you have a long future to live and you should try to make yourself not regratful when you became old...
@linghan (147)
• China
7 Mar 08
Your situation just alike my sister,She and her boyfriend are tegether for 4 years.But her bf is a man who hv earn less money.My parents din't approve him for long.And will
intoduce a rich guy to my sister,I hd advice my parents to give up thier wrong idea about the poor and the rich.So I am sorry to give you more advices but if you hv already resolve it plz tell me !thanks!
@mansha (6298)
• India
27 Feb 08
It depends on how much you want the things you want ion your life -considering youe bf doesn't even want to strive to provide you with those things. I think thats very callous of him. Here you are ready to leave all your desires just to spend your life with him and his love and he does not even want to work hard to increase his income so that he can provide you with all comforts and luxuries of life. Is the love just one sided. Do not get me wrong but usually the problem starts when you after getting married ask yourself these questions that you gave up everything to be with a person and he can not just try and earn more or work more to provide you or your kids with a better life. May be you can think of this in a more practical way. Life is not a bed of roses and why make it more difficult deliberately. You can meet the rich guy and may be then you can compare and choose what you want.You are still young and have the right to flirt and choose-once you are committed you are committed and there is no turning back of the clock.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
27 Feb 08
look I think here also you are not very clear what you want in life. You have doubt that your 'not so rich' BF can provide you all your wants. you feel you will be attracted with Rich person. Is money the most imporatnt to you? I do not blame but say is it? If so then leave BF and move on. otherwise think about what prioritize you in life.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
27 Feb 08
Love is all you need but if loves you he will try to better his situation so that there is some money coming your way so that you two can actually have a place of your own and then no one can say anything. He should at least try, yes money is not everything but where will you live if he has none? I mean it helps if he at least makes the effort, does he not care where you two will live or end up?
@loudhummer14 (535)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
it's always your call. even if you parents setup for you to meet with brad pitt or something -- and even if you do meet him, it doesn't really mean that you're giving your heart to him. try to talk to your bf and ask him how he would like his life to be years from now. let him see the big picture. we cannot change our parents. they're always like that. they're just after what is best for us. if you assert them and show them that your bf is the best for you -- then maybe they'll consider.
@hopecastle (18)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
well that depends on how you want your married life to be... assuming that your bf becomes ur husband. will u be marrying for money or for love.. but then again will u be happy with someone whom u love but is incapable of giving u what u want. when u said love is all you need,is ur bf ble to give u that or not? does it really matter that he cant give u what u want? needs and wants are two different things girl! with the other guy whom u havent met maybe nice besides being rich... give him a try if i were u but if he turns out to be an as****e then go find somone else not necesarily ur bf..
@FLYhighest (3)
•
27 Feb 08
Hey Girl! Don't worry too much as all you really have to do is to follow what your heart dictates. Right? If you do love him you should be able to fight for him no matter what. If he's not rich so what? As long as you accept him with all your heart I don't think there's going to be a problem. It's not all about getting what you want. As for your family, i think its about time to really tell them what you feel and make them understand. Be open and honest about your relationship. because if you don't you will not be completely happy. u know what i mean. So save yourself from all the worrying and make your move already. Good luck! :)
