Baby Madness...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
February 26, 2008 6:45pm CST
A friend of mine is pregnant with her fourth child and it's all she ever talks about. The ultrasounds, cramps, kicking, swelling breasts, crowning, delivery, you name it. Recently she went to a baby shower and that's all she talked about for 2 days. Don't get me wrong...I'm really happy for her it's just that I don't have any knowledge in this area. I have no idea what it feels like for a baby inside you to kick or for your water to break.
I always wanted kids and found out about 10 years ago that I can't. I was heartbroken but I got over it and moved on. My life with Hubby is fine just the way it is now and I don't miss not having kids.
My Mom says that my friend is being insensitive by constantly bringing it up and talking about it...I'm not sure how I feel about it. Yesterday, my friend asked if I wanted her to send me a pic of her recent 3 month ultrasound...I asked her why would you do that and she just laughed and said she thought I might want it. To me that's like a guy asking me if I want a pic of his prostate exam...why, I don't have one!
So, what do you think...should I ask her not to talk about it so much and is my Mom right or should I just ignore it and move on?
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
20 people like this
52 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
27 Feb 08
If she is a really close friend, maybe you can just ask her to not talk about it so much, that it makes you feel sad..
I became pregnant with my fourth child in late summer, (and not ready for it, in fact was upset, but he is a blessing), and a close friend of mine had a miscarriage earlier that summer. She already had a son, but wanted another, especially a girl.. I was inconsiderate and complained about how I was now going to be tied down again, (my youngest was 11, so I had no little ones to be so dependent on me) My friend mentioned how she would love to be in my shoes, (actually she said it in a sad and mournful way), and that woke me up.. I never complained around her again and this has been 5 years now. She had moved away, but when we do talk on the phone, I never bring up my son, I wait for her to bring him up, because I realized how hurt she was.
@silkkat (231)
• Canada
27 Feb 08
I understand the excitement of being pregnant and I feel that if you're a good friend you would share in her excitement. I also understand how heart broken you are and how you wouldn't want to hear so much about it. I think that if she is a good friend to you and you sit down and discuss it with her she should understand. If anything she may be upset that she's hurt you. If you make a compromise with her and let her share some of the joys then maybe should could not be so vocal all the time around you. I think that you both should be a little more understanding.
3 people like this
@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
27 Feb 08
Maybe you could have a mutual friend talk to her about how her talking about that all the time in front of you is potentially hurting your feelings. Maybe this will encourage her to talk to you about it.
If not, you need to be straight forward and just flat out tell her that while you are glad that she is so excited, it is painful for you to hear about every detail when you so wanted children and are unable to have them now.
I guess it depends on how close a friend she is.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
27 Feb 08
Guess what twoey, we're in the same boat!! I wanted kids and just couldn't and ended up having a hysterectomy. Life goes on. I'm happy and so is my hubby but when one were to be pregnant around me and to be bragging about it so much is a bit insensitive about your feelings however, I don't think you should approach her about it but rather have someone else do it for you because she may become defensive and you won't have to witness that if she does become that way. I can see her being excited but geeze, it is almost like she's rubbing it in because it is her 4th time around, it isn't like it's something new. Grant you, you loves her children and that's all well and good but there's a time for the bragging and a time when not to.
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I think that's a good idea too - letting someone else tell her.
But I don't think she's trying to rub it in.
My family and friends tip toe around me when it comes to pregnancies but they know how much me not having kids bothers me. If Twoey doesn't show or share it she may not realize it.
I know a lot of woman who've had several kids and they just love being pregnant and are just excited about it. And the funny thing is that some people being pregnant bothers and me and other people don't. Like those who have kids and are having problems taking care of the ones they've got - not just financially but mentally - that bothers me.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I can sort of relate, because it took me almost 2 years to get pregnant, and it was hard to be around women who were pregnant- especially the ones that weren't trying.
Asking her not to talk about it so much may make her feel like you are not supporting her or are jealous. Maybe you could just be subtle and drop hints, or change the subject and ask her about work, or anything else, like things you talked with her about before she became pregnant. But if it really bothers you, say something, because it will probably only get worse.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
27 Feb 08
2 years isn't too bad. It took my husband and I over 4 years before we conceived our 1st child.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I know, lots of people, including a friend of mine, try for much longer than that. But while you are going through it, it feels like an eternity.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Feb 08
I think your mom is right. your friend is naturally excited but I wonder if she realizes how painful this could be for you. I think she should be clued in on how you feel sometimes when she gets carried away. just a nice frindly chat making her know you are happy for her but all this talk becomes painful for you even though you have moved on and made a life for yourself. Be gentle with your friend but also honest in how you feel so I do not think she will be upset but will understand and soft pedal her talking a bit. when I was pregnant what I hated was people telling me the horrible times that they had in giving birth. It was my first pregnancy and I was a bit scared anyway so the last thing I needed was horror tales.It was one thing to get needed info from a positive person and another to listen to all the woe from someone who seemed to enjoy scaring the bejabbers out of me.
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
27 Feb 08
First I have to say that inspite of your denial that your okay with not being able to have children your subconsiously not okay with it. It hurts you that your friend can have children and your not able to have any according to medical doctors. There were women in the bible unable to bear children at least three I recall and each of them did finally have a child. Do not rule out miracles in that realm. On the other hand if your friend knows you cannot have children then she should be more sensative to you about her pregnancies unless you have sold her on the idea it does not really bother you when it obviously does or you would not have posted this here. I think you need to first really examine your own self and then tell your friend how it does bother and hurt you and why. Meanwhile I will pray for you and a miracle in your life.
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
1 Mar 08
If it makes you really uncomfortable then yes you should tell her because why should you have to feel this way??? If you don't tell her how will she know how it makes you feel?
@matlgal (1686)
• United States
29 Feb 08
Oh gosh a sensitive issue. I have not read all six (6) pages of responses so maybe this was brought up. But... a couple of things come to mind. Does your friend not have a sister or a Mom to help share the intimacy of this pregancy with? Maybe your the closest one to her and if this is her first she is experiencing all of this for the first time and is a bit overwhelmed with those "raging emotions"?
The other take on this is that she thinks in sharing this with you helps fill the void that she invisions that you may have from not being able to have your own.
You sound very fine with it, but yet possibly annoyed and I think that it would be fine to sit her down and explain to her that your mot sure how you feel, and that your very happy for her, but that if she could maybe see that some of the more intimate details need to be shared with her husband and family and not you? Again Sensitive issue but if she is a true friend then she will see that it's possibly hurtful for you and stop. Ignoring it I think would be being unfair to yourself?
That's my $.02
J
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 Mar 08
Your friend doesn't sound very bright. Is this the case? Your Mom is correct ...the woman is being very insensitive. By a fourth pregnancy a woman is taking everything inher stride and not getting excited by it all. To keep shoving it all in your face is a bit nasty. Or else she is a big show-off.
Next time it bothers you, calmly ask her why she is telling you this...what is she trying to prove...is she trying to share it? Then tell her it's not necessary and you are really not interested on your own behalf. Just set her straight. You weill never feel the same way she feels about her pregnancies, just tell her to drop it. You may have to be a bit assertive to get your point across...note I said assertive and not aggressive. Luck to you sweety. Love n hugs too.
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
29 Feb 08
We are expecting #5 soon, and I have to say, at 20 weeks along (half way there) I have only just gotten happy about it.
Pregnancy is exciting, but it is the pits at the same time. Your body isn't your own, you are sick a lot, every move you make hurts. Sleep is impossible. I reckon it is time that men had babies, because I am getting my tubes tied this time, even if I have to do it myself.
I'm sorry that you weren't able to have kids. Truly sad when you do want them, but everything happens for a reason.
Your friend needs to think before she speaks and understand that she has other kids too. Why not talk about them and the things they get upto? Isn't she proud of them too?
Maybe you could talk to your friend about the way she goes on. She might not even realise how it annoys you. Let's face it, nobody wants to hear about every little detail, right down the graphic!
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
13 Mar 08
Have you ever told her you can't get pregnant? Because if she doesn't know this, she will not know that she is hurting you with all the news stories about her pregnancy. If she does know, you must still tell her that it is bothering you. She can't know that it bothers you if you don't tell her, she can't read your mind. So my advice to you is to just be upfront and honest and tell her to stop. Tell her you are happy for her, but it isn't something you can totally share with her because .... I think if she is a good friend she will sympathize with you and stop talking about it so much. I am sure she has other family members she can tell her news to. But then if this is her fourth child maybe they are tired of hearing her talking about it all the time, too.
@Cajunhellcat (2073)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I feel like ya should tell her to slow it down a little. My daughter in law is going to have her secound baby in Sept and believe me when I tell ya it is a miracle baby it is and she don't carry on like that
@JackBravo (970)
• United States
28 Feb 08
That's a tuffie.
I think she's sort of rubbing it in as well as just being happy to be pregnant. I'll tell ya though, from the sound of her, I don't know who'd WANT to get her pregnant. :)
...just trying to make you feel better...
@mummymo (23706)
•
28 Feb 08
Oh that is a difficult one sweets. I do get that your friend was very excited and I guess I was the same when I was having my kids - specially the youngest as I had to have fertility treatment to conceive her in the first place - and as you can tell from my avatar I STILL use my ultrasound picture! I don't mean to be insensitive and I wonder if your friend is guilty of being thoughtless rather than cruel? I think if I was her I would rather be told that I was becoming a baby bore and be able to change this before it was too late! If I were you I would probably explain that while you are happy for her it is becoming a bit too much when everything is baby orientated. xxxx
@leeesa (884)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think there's a fine line on the subject. For example, I had a miscarriage a month after my friend's baby was born. My loss was extremely new and she showed up at work with her baby. At first I was extremely mad, but then I thought it wasn't fair for her not to be excited about her baby just because I lost mine. I quietly ducked out until she left because I couldn't take the pain. She understood. But, there is a point in going too far. I hate it when people go on and on about every little thing. Someone I work with had a baby and no matter what the subject is in the lunchroom, from her it's always baby this and baby that. I swear we could be talking about roast beef and she will find some way to incorporate her baby into it! I really don't think there is much we can do about such people. Perhaps changing the subject a few times will open her eyes. I think your mom may be right on this one.
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think your friend is just really excited about the new baby and doesn't relise that she is going on so much about it. If her talking about the baby all the time bothers you, then tell her nicely. If you don't want to hurt her feelings, then I wouldn't say anything.
@Deea48 (1166)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I can understand why she would talk about it all the time,her world is all about those children, the ones here and the one on the way. I would thin, a friendly reminder, that you have alot of other things to fill your world and thinking of her kids is not primary to you. So a nice update from time to time would do just fine. For me I was very excited with the 1st one, talked alot ect.. but after that it was not so important, I knew what was coming, I did not need to talk to everyone about all the little details.
