Criticism Needed

Well, mrtim, I can say that I learned a lot. WWI is something I know very little about, so it was educational for me. My advice for this article would be to try to break it down into smaller parts. The sentences are very long and complex. That is not a bad thing, but it would make it easier to read if you broke some of them down into shorter sentences. Same with the paragraphs. If you make more paragraphs, each shorter, it will help separate the ideas and make it easier to follow and to hold the reader's attention. I'm sorry I can't be more specific on this, since I am not knowledgeable on the topic. In the first paragraph, second line- 'was sank' I believe should be 'was sunk.' There are a few places where commas are missing. For example 'At the onset of the War, whilst the Mauretania was converted to a troop transport, Lusitania was considered inappropriate being too large and uneconomical for the role and continued in its role as a luxury liner conveying passengers between the United Kingdom and the United States.' Commas are needed after 'inappropriate,' and 'role.' The rule I follow for commas is to read aloud and place a comma where there is a pause or break. This will help a lot. Other than that, I liked it. It is well organized. I hope this helps.

Hi Tim, I checked out the article (as well as 1 & 2) I can see why they are ranked better than yours at present but it wouldn't take much to jump on by them! As SC said your sentences need some work. They are very long winded and difficult to read. I must admit it took me a few attempts to get past the first few paragraphs. One thing I noticed though was that you said there is a better argument that the sinking finished the war, yet did not elaborate on it. This confused me a little as the ship sunk in 1915 and the war ended when? I know this is cleared up later but I spent so much time dwelling on this fact I missed other things. The information that you have is fantastic and certainly outweighs the other articles in that factor. Try shorter sentences. Most ands can be taken and made into two. Well I hope this helps but please remember I am no expert so take it all with a grain of salt and let us know when you are done so we can check it out