Feeling pretty down right now...
By cokyjazz
@cokyjazz (429)
Australia
February 28, 2008 2:22am CST
My 'friends' are not real friends and i feel like a big joke being the one who does the friend thing and rings them to find out how they are doing but i very rarely get a phonecall from them.I havent offended or upset them but because i'm a stay at home mum who doesnt drive,i must seem like i have nothing to offer.If i ended up in hospital,these people might find out 6 months later.I am so grateful to have just one friend who i can talk to at any time but she is far away so it's only messenger chat but far better than nothing.
I have been burned by a friend a couple of years ago and was pretty much fearful of putting myself out there again.These people know that which makes it hurt even more.
Now my husband hasnt had any work since last Tuesday and his boss doesnt know when it will start up again.
What keeps me sane is My 3 gorgeous kids,My husband,the one friend who does give a rats and my lot.
Ok my whinge is over,tomorrow may be brighter..i hope.
3 people like this
12 responses
@heidibur (310)
• United States
7 Mar 08
thats the way to do it if they call they call if they dont then oh well just dont forget they with the christmas cards ( if you do x-mas ) i dont but thats just me any way he moved me down here and all his friends tell me that i'm family but it's just not the same i feel like i'm there at the first day of a new school and have to make friends all over again and my husband has the advantage he knows everyone....still no work for him but i am putting him to work holding the dogs that BITE for me while i shave them...thats my little revenge.....LOL.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Feb 08
It doesn't matter how many friends you have. It's the qualities of the friends that count. It sounds as though your one "true" friend makes up for the rest, and you have your hubby and kids whilst you're at home. That means you've shut out the negatives of the "so-called friends" who never call you.
Gather all the positives together that you have and forget the negative people. You can do without them making you depressed. You have all the love in the World right where you are.
Brightest Blessings.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
Thanks Darkwing,your reply certainly makes sense.I just have confidence issues and think i'm not worthwhile and this is why none of these friends contact me.I need to get to a point where i do feel worth the time and then i will not feel this way and basically they can bugger off lol
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
3 Mar 08
My friend... if you look deep within yourself, it's not you who isn't worthwhile... it's your so called friends who have the problem. If you are happy with yourself, and love the way you are, then what the heck does it matter. Those who afford you real love and affection are the ones you should be concentrating on, and as you say, the others can "bugger off". They're not worth your precious time! I'm betting on one thing here, and that's that YOU won't be the lonely one in years to come... they will!
Brightest Blessings.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 08
With friends like those who needs enemies? They are empty and shallow and it's their loss at the end of the day if you just cut it with them, they lose out, they lose a good person in you, they are the losers you're not, certainly NOT! You have lovely children a husband, they are probably jealous anyhow, you're better off without them, friends like those you don't need. It's good to have a whinge. They'll soon come running to you, more than the other way round. True friends are hard to come by it's true but when you are in a crisis you sure know who your real friends are!
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
28 Feb 08
I am sorry to hear that coky, When i was in highschool i had a lot of friends, and then when i stopped going to school, people forgot all about me. Out of sight out of mind i guess.. It really depressed me too. Now as an adult, i have very few friends, but the ones that i have are close. You will meet a friend or two at some point, you just have to look for the type of person you wanna be friends with ;)
I found my friend in a mommy group in town, Now i babysit for her, our daughters are the same age, and now we are both pregnant. I dont drive either, but she does! So i usually tag along with her when she decides to go out shopping or something ;)
Your hubby will have work again soon, i will keep my fingers crossed that he will get the call today or tomorrow ;) *hugs* i hope you are feeling better.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
29 Feb 08
Thanks Sissy,found out he has work as of next Friday now..still a long time with nothing,but at least we know.It's good to know that it worked out for you with gaining some good friendships.my turn will come eventually. It's great to have mylotters like you to chat with on here too:)
1 person likes this
@Carmetaf (309)
• United States
1 Mar 08
Aww, I'm so sorry you are having these feelings. I can understand the pain, You're not alone.
I have 'friends' who were close for a very long time. Recently I notice they don't respond to my calls/emails as quick as they used to. When I write to find out if they are upset with me or why they never write, they just say they're too busy. They were never too busy before! They still talk to other aquaintences, why not me? When I ask, they act as though I'm mentally ill. So I'm just done putting forth the effort. I do what I can for them, but they're not worth the energy if they can't acknowledge me when I need them.
I hope that you'll find someone you can be close with. Is it too far to walk and visit the playground? maybe you could meet other moms and kids and make some new friends? Maybe you could go to a Church or other religious group to find other friends. Just some suggestions. Bless you!
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
i have pretty much decided to try not to think about it-it's just not healthy.If they want to ring me or drop by,they can.I'm not going to keep making an effort when they couldnt be bothered.I dont go to church and theres no parks nearby but i know i will make decent friends sooner or later.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
31 May 08
u probably need to get u some new friends. it's not easy done but i'd rather not have any than some who treated me like that. u are better off w/out them just be thankful for the one, your kids & your husband. hope they are good to you. good luck & greetings from tennessee.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
2 Jun 08
Thanks,i agree totally and now i focus on what i have instead of what i don't.I am luckier that many in the way that i do have a loving husband and kids so at the end of the day,i still have somebody to turn to for a hug and it makes me feel i am worth something after all.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
29 Feb 08
Cheer up there! Let me guess...your friends all work and drive. Their lives are different than yours. I've been on both sides of this. When I was at home with my kids which was for an all too brief of a time, I also didn't drive. That was the reason that I was out of work. During that time, I did feel that I had no friends, etc. What I would not have given for an adult friend. I didn't even have a husband. Then I got a job...and a car. My life got real busy and I barely had time for friends, my children. It sounds to me like you and your family are under much stress and you probably need your friends more now than ever. It could well be that they are thinking of you but too busy themselves. I don't think you should let it get to you. I hope you are just having a momentary bad time and that things look brighter for you really soon!
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
Thankyou for your reply.I am starting to cheer up a little. My husband should be back at work this coming Friday so thats a positve thing that we have a definite day.And yes they all work and drive.I'm on the way home for one of them so it's been a downer that she hasnt been around.I'm hoping to be working soon and i'll be busy enough to not worry about it.
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
29 Feb 08
Sorry to hear about that. You must be selective of friends. There are friends who are only friends to you when they are in need of you. After that no more. As to your present situation now, can you not approach your parents or your husband parents to help you out in your present situation. I pray that your husband be able to get the job he needs most. Goodluck.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
My husbands parents are as bad off as we are right now financially and my mum is enjoying her retirement.She helped us get the house by giving us a deposit so i will never ask her for help.I feel she has done enough.I am definately going to be more selective with friends in future too.My husband said i should take up a hobby and keep my mind off it..i don't know what to do though.I dont have a creative bone in my body!
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
28 Feb 08
I too am feeling alot like this myself. It's hard to understand what it's like to be the one that has all the friends in the world. I too have been burned alot over the years, but recently i have reconnected with someone I was very close to for a long time, and I am ever so grateful to have her back in my life. My hubby is the best in the world and keeps me going throughout the struggles I am having. All I can say is keep your chin up and hold your head high! I know it's hard, I try to do this myself each and every day, and sooner or later it things will get better, they have to!!!
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
You are so right when you say they have to get better.I know we always have ups and downs in life but lately it's just one thing,then another and so on until it's to a point where i just want to either scream or tuck myself into a ball and wait till it's all over.My husband is also a great support to me as are my kids so i get comfort from them.
@jhl930 (3601)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I know what you mean..you have "friends" who you think would be there for you no matter what time it is or what you need..and then when you really need them..their no where to be found...but you really will find out who your true friends are when you aren't ontop of the mountain..i think you should listen to that song by tracy lawrence..called find out who your friends are..thats a true song!
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
28 Feb 08
Thanks.Yes i agree with you there and i know i will have luck with true friends eventually.It wont be for a while though as i spend 98% of my time at home.I only leave to go shopping and thats pretty much it.I just look after my daughter when the boys are at school and when i'm not doing housework or on here,i'm studying.When my study is finished or almost finished,i'll start work and there i may find some worthwhile people.
@heidibur (310)
• United States
1 Mar 08
i so feel your pain before my husband moved me to his home town where he grew up,and knows everyone in town i had a my dream job working for a veterinarian and it was like being in a new family ( i dont have much family )
and i was happy. he moved me here when we thought his father was going to pass away soon and that was 2 years ago and now i have my dod grooming bussiness going in my home so i get to see people for about 3 min. a day when they drop off thier dogs or pick them up. so i only get to interact with dogs all day. i cant thank my mother enough for turning me on to mylot i was starting to get really down in the dumps now i get good conversation.
my husband is a silent type.
@cokyjazz (429)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
That must have been heartbreaking to leave such a good life behind and struggle in the new one.I dont have much family and the family i have besides my kids and husband,live in another State.My mum comes up about 3 times a year and my cousins i see every few years.I hope you dont resent your husband by making such a drastic change.My lot is fantastic.I can't even remember how i found out about it but i'm glad i did!
