please teach me how to become independent
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
Philippines
February 28, 2008 2:21pm CST
For how many years, I've been so dependent with my parents. They affect my own personal decisions, course to take and almost everything. I've been so intouch with them aside from the fact that I am their only daughter they have. Their being strict to me is just normal because I was a kid then and still exploring the things around me, at least I had them to guide me with every path that I will take. It made me feel that I am so love. But they still continue to treat me that way until I reached 23? I think that is so OVER-A. Years of years I've been struggling for my freedom but with success. I realized that the only way for them to let me go and be alone is to show them that I am no longer their baby. That I can be trusted too. I've wanted to get out of the house and start to live a life on my own. But the problem is, I don't have the courage to that aside from the fact that I don't want to leave my mother. I don't want her to be alone there with my father. I really need a help on how I can overcome this kind of situation. Have you had this kind of experience before?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@maxsee212 (799)
• United States
29 Feb 08
all you need to do is to stay away from your parents and start doing things independently. you should get a job and start earning money on your own and try not to ask from help from your parents for just simple things that you can fix yourself.
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
• Philippines
29 Feb 08
Yes, that would be great but my problem is how to begin to start leaving as an independent individual. What would be my first step for that. Have you experienced the same thing ? Can you share to me what did you do to be an independent individual?
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think you should do this in small steps, as an only child its harder. You may feel like your needed and there is nobody else available to help now. Do you have some friends that can check on your parents? I know my youngest daughter regularly has several of her friends check in or call to see if we need anything. Our daughter visits every week and we still buy her groceries at least half of the time and I cook up several meals for her to take when she leaves.
It would help to move out and it doesn't have to be far from your parents. This shows your parents your ready to live on your own. Its not going to be easy, as it sounds like your very close to your mother.
My daughter and I have a very close bond and many times think exactly alike. We both knew there would come a time when it was time for her to move out and have to make it on her own. There is no set day and time for each of us to move out; however, I would suggest sitting down with your parents to discuss moving into your own place.
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
• Philippines
28 Feb 08
Hi there Fishmomma,
Thanks for this wondeful message you have for me. I just think that sitting down with them and discussing things over to them would only lead to a very huge and never ending discussion. I knew that they will never ever listen to me. But since I am used to be with them for almost my whole life, what their opinion matters to me and even though they disagree I still wanted to things that they don't like but will make me happy. But I just can't. Your daughter is so lucky to have a cool mother like you who understands the situation and gives their daughter a chance to explore life.
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I'm no psychologist, but your later statements of 'I don't have the courage' and 'I don't want to leave my mother' lead me to believe that you really DON'T want your independence.
If you do, you're probably not showing them. I don't think you've shown it here.
(I'm not being critical, just telling you what I see from the few sentences you wrote here).
@ruzzychai0330 (322)
• Philippines
28 Feb 08
I really wanted to be independent seriously. In a sense that I can go to places I wand to go, hang out with my friends, eat when I feel like eating, without worrying if they disagree or not. The problem I had is that they always interfer with whatever decisions I will make and steps I would take thinking that they always know things better than I do. I am so sick and tired of that! They always told me that they are just doing that because they love me and that sort things. I feel like they will never ever trust me with whatever I want in life. That kind of independence i'm talking about. I want them to stop treating me like a kindergarten and accept that I am already an adult.
