when a family member upsets you shuold you speak up?

Hi Katie, Well first off I want to welcome you to myLot. I see that you posted this two hours ago so I am hoping that you will log back in to see what has been written to you cos even although you might not always get all your answers that you are looking for sometimes it is just nice to have somewhere to vent and I can assure you that many of us found ourselves at myLot initially for this and many of us still use it for the same thing. I looked at your profile and seen that you are 25, I am 24 so we are very similar in age. I am also in the UK, Scotland to be exact so at least you know you are speaking to someone very similar to yourself. I have a mother who can certainly be very opinionated and speak a little too freely on her mind and doesn't seem to register when she is hurting someone. I lived away from home from the age of 16 or so and only moved back home last year as a temporary measure but thankfully can say that now the majority of time we get on great and we seem to have worked a little on living in peace and harmony - most of the time. As a child and most certainly as a teenager we had a terrible relationship. Generally I am quite a loud person who has no fear of handling herself in an arguement and throwing out her opinions but unfortunately this is a trait I got from my Mother so she is always one step ahead of me in that league. My Mum still says that same things and reacts in the same way but I think the difference is the way that I cope with it. I think that by letting your mother know that you were upset was a bold but intelligent thing to do. Maybe it will give her a little time to think about the things that may have upset you and even if she doesn't entirely agree with them she will know how this makes you feel. I think maybe now the next step is to call your mother and say to her that you sent that text cos you really just needed a little time out and that you were feeling upset over the things that she said or what she done and whatever she says just bite your lip. If she throws any accusations at you that you are weak or you have no coping skills or you are a little bit sensitive then just tell her that yes, maybe you are, but she is your mother and obviously hearing it from someone who you do really care about rather than a stranger in the street can be a little more hurtful. I know that with my Mum we never had the relationship where we showed our feelings, we never hugged or kissed or said i love you. We never showed tears or upset. All we ever showed each other growing up was anger and rage and I think I have learned now that even all these are very expressive they are not actually teaching of anything. I wish you and your Mum good luck and don't stress too much about it or take to heart everything that she says. If you are like me and definately your mothers daughter then she will see things in you that maybe now looking back she had in her when she was younger and maybe realises that they are not the best qualities and she just wants the best for you. Tell her one day though, not when you are angry, not shouting, tell her that you are proud to be her daughter and you respect her opinions and views and things she says but she should be a little more careful with you cos you have a lot of respect for her. I hope this kind of reflects the relationship you do have with her and I have not just been wittering on and you reading this thinking I am a crazy girl.

I understand how you feel. A lot of times, my mom will get on my nerves and it will just piss me off. At times, I would talk to her about it, but it would seem that she wouldn't remember it, because she would be doing the same thing that pissed me off in the first place. So I would keep saying the same things over and over again. It was annoying, but I got it off my chest. I think it is important to talk about things and to try and sort things out. Even if they forget about it, or seem to forget it.

It is healthy to talk out issues you see is not pleasing to you within the family-keeping quiet will keep the problem magnifying and at the end of the day it could bring about family discord which laterbecomes too big for members to resolve

Yes i have to speak up so then they will be aware whats on my mind ans ill be opne for suggestions . We are living in the same roof we have to be united..If something upsets you say it

I will speak up when some relatives make me upset. I am easy-going person who never hide anything in the heart. If I speak out, it can make feel good.

im sorry you had a falling out with your mother. i can totally relate to your situation. sometimes my mother can be a bit of what you have described and yes it is hurtful and she is our mother. but it doesnt diminish the fact that she did hurt our feelings. when a situation occurs like that in my immediate family, i tell it to them right away, usually i dont like to confront people but when they start raising their voices and points their fingers and tells on people it boils me up so bad that i just got to let it out.. at one point because of the confrontations i have with my mother and sometimes my sister and probably once with my dad hehehe we have actually gotten to a point wherein we dont talk to each other for days and probably months. but there are times where they burst out whatever they feel and i do the same, in the evening we confront it and talk it over after our heads has cooled. or denial in this case can be a very good thing? hahahaha... i think people should be open to other people, i mean if your uncomfortable with it say it! get it out of your system, and dont let it last long like in my situation. i usually say, you may be my mom, sister, dad or whoever you are but your not my favourite person right now, i mean i love them as a mom/dad or sister but as a person and looking at what they said and did as a person as well, its not good then i say it.