being a step mom
3 responses
@simplyman2006 (1706)
• India
1 Mar 08
hey u should try to put ur control on them all he time and try to help them in there problems and one more important thing that when they play games pay with them they will surely listen u.
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
1 Mar 08
My first step daughter and I tangled frequently when she was very little. (3 to 5 years old) She had informed me that the house was "her dad's" and not my house and she would do as she pleased.
I decided to set some ground rules. Of course, in her daddy's eyes, she did no wrong. I spoke to her mom, my husband's ex. Fortunately, her and I were able to communicate about the child and we actually got along well. We agreed that she should be expected to give me the same respect she would her mother or father or step father. Her mom talked to her about it. That stopped the problems in their tracks.
You might consider talking to your spouse's ex, if you think you can do it in a friendly manner. Tell the ex you want only the best for the children, and regardless of how you or your spouse feel about the ex and vice versa, the children come first. Ask the ex what she does when the kids do certain things, because you can't seem to get controll of the situation. First, she will feel more confident that you are there and want to continue the house rules that she already has.
I will admit, I am not having such luck with my current spouse's ex, but that is a whole other ball game. We do not get regular visitation with my step daughter, nor the son that my husband pays support on that is not his, because his ex did a legal name change and the courts would not look at the documentation showing he is not my husband's child. AT any rate, she makes visitation impossible, so it's hard to get any resolution to the problems at hand.
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1 Mar 08
My issue is that the children's mother passed away, and he was left a widower, so i can not talk to her about anything, or get any advice from her. That's why I am stuck in between a rock ans a hard place.
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
1 Mar 08
Then you need to sit down with your husband and discuss the problem with him and tell him that you need some respect from the children. There are rules, and they should be followed. Perhaps he can talk to the children and explain to them that they have to treat you with respect and follow rules as if he were telling them to do something, it should be followed, even if you are telling them.
Maybe have a family meeting, put all the issues on the table. create a dialogue with the kids. find out what their concerns are or their reasons for their behavior. There's no solution without communication between all of you.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
29 Feb 08
I have never been in this position but I think if you can strike a balance with them as coming down to their level as a child but at the same time lift them up to be able to talk to them as an adult, but as I said I have never been in this position but I must be honest I get on very well with kids, I always seem to end up with the kids at gatherings.
