Why Can't You Be More That Guy I Talk To Online?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
United States
March 1, 2008 12:40pm CST
Have you ever found yourself wishing if even for a moment, that your significant other would be more like someone you don't even know outside of a social networking site, like myLot?
Have you ever gone to your sweetie and asked a question, the same question you posted a discussion about and the response you got was callous and unfeeling from the person who loves you yet, people who don't even know you are there to offer good genuine caring advice?
Have any of you ever compared your sweeties to people you have met here or on other sites? How did they take it?
I've never done this but only because I can't. My sweetie started an account here only because I asked him to and he only posts discussions or leaves comments once in a blue moon so he doesn't get how I can care so much about the people here. So he doesn't get it and never wants to talk about it and that is why I spend a large part of my late morning/early afternoon on here seeking out answers from people who will at least take the time to try to help me out.
So what are your thoughts and feelings on this. Do you ever find yourself wishing someone you love could be more like someone you've never met? And why?
3 people like this
12 responses
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
1 Mar 08
Well I know sometimes I wish mine could be a little bit more like guys in the romantic movies but thats about it. I think that most girls wish that at some point though. As far as helping me when I'm upset or have a problem his advice and the advice of my friends normally is on the same level. Outside of joking around with him about the guys in the movies though I don't think I'd ever vocally compare him to anyone, cause thats not something fair to do to a person.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
1 Mar 08
You're right, vocally comparing your SO to someone else is plain wrong. If I were to ever do it I would get a response like, "if he is so great then I will leave you and you can move to Canada and be with him then"
But I still find it odd that someone who knows me so well and so intimately can't understand me the way many of the people here can.
1 person likes this
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Maybe you aren't given him enough credit or you're giving the people here to much. Its easy to share with a bunch of strangers the stuff that bothers us because there is no risk of hurting someone's feelings.. or at least people we care about feelings anyway. With loved ones we are a bit more cautious of what we say, and sometimes we just expect them to automaticly know when we are upset and frankly I think thats where things get all messed up. With anything its all about communication. Maybe it just takes explaining your feelings to him in a way that he gets it, or maybe he just doesn't know how to help the way you need. Don't write him off to quick though.. maybe it just takes a differnt approch to get the desired respones.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I think you hit the nail on the head second time around.
The people here are only getting one side of my discussions whereas my sweetie has to live with the whole package.
I come here and rant about a problem and everyone offers their advice and I think it is excellent and then I sign off. He has to live with me and sees the problem from both sides so of course his opinion and way of dealing with me and advising me is going to be different.
Excellent! Thanks so much angel!
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I do feel like this sometimes. Usually it's with one of my friends- she has the potential to be like you- attitude in all which you know I cherish. But she doesn't let it go as she should. She says things to quiet or in private just to me. I wish she was a little more outgoing and outspoken but she is still a great person. She just needs to stand up a bit more.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Great point and that is how it happened for me too in ways. I never thought about it that way- see this is why I need you to think for me sometimes- LOL!
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I've learned that people don't speak up as often as we sometimes wish they would because they fear ridicule from others.
All she needs to do is thicken her skin a little bit and she will be fine. As soon as she stops caring about what other people think of her she will find her voice.
At least that is the way it happened for me. Everyone I spoke my opinion to quietly always agreed with everything I had to say and then I would hear them using my words to others and getting cheers and compliments and very rarely ridicule. So I tried it. It worked. and here I am :)
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes, i just thought the same idea today. I have been ill used sometimes by friends and relatives..lol..but i think it is that people are more careful on here then in person.
just like if you go camping and it seems the people you meet who are strangers will become very close over a campfire and a glass of "oh be joyful" drinks? well, at summer camp and shipboard romance it is the same...for a small time..a honeymoon period? well, that is just human nature..but I have been snubbed on here..it happens..probably my own fault..but i think inside that there is no excuse for bad manners...sorry,
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
2 Mar 08
thanks;)..what get me in here on mylot and in real life is some people don't want to here about your success or happiness..and they think or act like you are bragging or just bs..ing..but i don't care..as i just speak my mind..maybe i am and maybe i am not..what would be the difference? well, even in real life i take people at face value and just listen and believe what i want to..i have been fooled but not too often as long as it don't effect money or my time wasted..i don't care..my wife gets mad at me because I tell her friends what i think..and she is from the Philippines and they tend to be different in a lot of ways...but I am just me..and they can usually take it or leave it but i do not try to be mean or overpowering but if they ask a question..i answer it..
One women asked when I was in German...Do All Americans LOVE doughnuts? I said no..and that in my small city most of them closed for lack of sales..but there is a lot of coffee shops selling Bagels and muffins..but the real doughnut shops are gone with the wind..they sell them in food stores..but they are not that good..
so i just get in a lot of trouble sometimes and tell the truth and shame the devil..believe this or not. thanx
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
2 Mar 08
sorrry,,it was in GERMany and i talked to a Filipina..and she was the kind that knew everything and would correct your pronouncing words in English although she did not have a clue..it was more sad then funny...even common names are pronounced differently even in the US...we still have our own dialects..methinks?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes I think you are right. Most people here are more careful, they have tact, and are usually at the ready with a kind word or piece of advice. I may have to take lessons from them to find out how they do it. I'm not one of them. I speak my mind and I'm usually tactless when I do so. lol I am not intentionally being rude I just think that sometimes people are going to go into sugar shock from all the sugar coated nonsense I see some get in comments.
I only snub people when they work really really hard to get under my skin. So far there has only been one who has succeeded and I'm happy to say, it's not you :)
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4005)
• United States
1 Mar 08
I have felt the way you felt before about many other people. My friends are myspace are a good example - most of them I personally know, I have partied with them, worked with them, cried with them...yet if I post something there I am lucky to get 1 or 2 responses, often these come from the people I DON'T personally know...i feel like i know mylot friends better than those guys...
with my hubby i think i have accepted he is who he is and he does what he does...this helps a lot for everything in our relationship, lol. He usually takes an interest in the same things as me, though not always...and when he doesn't it really doesn't bother me...he;s got lots of things I don't really care about at all!
sometimes too we build resentment with others or take things for granted or get too caught up in our own affairs
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
1 Mar 08
You make a good point sometimes we get too caught up in our own affairs and take things for granted.
When I am writing a discussion here I am usually ranting about something or other. And that comes across easily. My friends realize I'm already on edge so they are concerned and genuinely want to bring me out of whatever mood I am in. 99% of the time it works.
@jtownesquire (104)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Maybe it's because the person you talk to online knows that they don't have to live with the consequences of choices you make...or maybe they are just looking to impress you...or just want to agree with you for agreement's sake. I don't know. What I know is this, if you (or anyone else) are seriously sitting around wishing the person you are with was more like someone you talk to online, then maybe you need to spend less time online and more time talking to/interacting with the people in your real life. Anyone can be a great person/friend/whatever online, it's real life that counts. You take the good with the bad in real life...you don't get to sign off.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I'm gonna have to interject here just because I know that someone can very easily get the wrong idea from reading discussions posted by jtownesquire.
He happens to be an amazing parent. It's just that chip he has on his shoulder makes it hard to fit through doorways unless he turns sideways. I'd say that is annoying but really mine is bigger and when the two of us are in a room together no one else has any chance at getting any elbow room. I compare his chip to Rhode Island. Mine is more like the size of Montana.
Can you see why we get along so well?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Very good Aku...there is the wonderous intuitive skills that JT was referring to in his comment. lol
@jtownesquire (104)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Cyn, thanks for the interjection, but no need. As I have said numerous times to you...I don't put much stock in the wonderous intuitive skills of people on MyLot. Maybe if they spent more time dealing with people in reality instead of sharing their "wisdom" online, they would have a clue as to what they were talking about.
As for the chip on my shoulder, it is there for a reason. I hold myself to high standards and epect the same of those around me.
And, I can only walk through the door sideways if I am not "excited"! If I am, then I'm stuck in the room! So, often times, when Cyn and I are in a room together, I can't leave, and she doesn't want to!
@msanin (131)
• Canada
1 Mar 08
I guess everyone at least once had thought about that ..me personally love my husband so much and i would never change him because hes just the perfect guy. but sometimes i wish he could understand me more about some things in life.. one thing is typing some nice words helping you one or 2 days with your problems but other thing is living with this person everyday.. both have problems and things to say so is not easy sometimes..
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I completely agree. I wouldn't change my sweetie for the world and it is very easy to get attached to someone who is always there with a kind word and shoulder for you to cry on or an ear for you to chew off but they don't have to see the whole picture. They just came in offering their advice during a commercial break.
@patricia42256 (6)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes I can certainly relate to how to are feeling. I cannot have a discussion with my hubby because we always get into an argument. He thinks I always want him to respond to everything I tell him. I try to tell him ,sometimes I just want someone to listen or someone to talk to.He is so negative. Yes, I always wish my hubby was more patient,caring and understanding as that guy on the internet.But I am also wondering if he is the hubby of a woman who is wishing the same.Sometimes men can act one way toward their spouse and another to a complete stranger to someone on the internet. Makes me wonder if you met your hubby on the internet if he would respond better to you as he would not know you...lol
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
As a matter of fact I did meet my sweetie on the internet. lol
But we have come along way from the hours and hours we would spend chatting over messenger to the "please bring home a gallon of milk on your way home for the baby, and if it isn't too much trouble take out the garbage when you get home" people we are now.
I guess when you actually have to live day in and day out with the person who was nothing more than a user name on a monitor that you could turn on and off at will there are bound to be some big changes.
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
2 Mar 08
actually i havent think about it yet...well maybe..but my husband are very supportive to me and a good listener as well...
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
You got yourself a good man. I hope he knows how lucky he is!
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
2 Mar 08
Perhaps it is because the honeymoon period is already over.
When you were dating, I hope to think that you must have been wowed by his personality somehow. And that he was exactly like the guy you love talking to right now.
After marriage and all, well, things "settle"...
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes things settle even though we won't be married for another couple of months. lol But to my sweeties credit he is exactly the way he is now as he was then. It is just my issues have changed significantly and I find that sometimes he can't offer me advice on what is troubling me now because he doesn't have his own personal experience to draw from.
That's why I am grateful for the friends I have made here.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
3 Mar 08
here we go the grass is greener on the other side of the fence thing. Sorry hun, but I think we always see something that is a little better that we wish that our other halves would have be part of them, but there is something that has originally drawn us to that person. We love different people for different reasons. I love you for you being well Cynical and Outspoken and don't say i said anything But you have a really big heart. You just don't always see it. Now Ryan I love him for him. What can I say when you go from one bad relationship to another and you just don't want anymore surprises and the guy your thinking of dating tells you I'm an a$$whole 99% of the relationship problems will be my fault you kinda are like HUH!!! and then I just thought it was refreshing to know that they admit that they are to blame also ... My friend Eric. I love him for his unconditional Honesty and the fact that he'll be beside me and help me through what ever I go through. Like I said we always wish that our mates had some traits that we find in other. Wether it be kindness,compassion and caring or Loyalty, devotion, and honesty. There is always something that we want to see the other have.I think it's human nature. I'm sorry that you other half was callous and unfeeling about what ever you asked. But at least you know who he is and you love him for it, right? Well enough of my rant .. take care and talk to you later. I will be on less this week than normal I really want to get some things done and worked out. LOL!! Call me if you need to talk.
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
2 Mar 08
I got to know my significant other through an internet chat, and became friends. He still haven't changed a bit since the first time we saw each other, loving and supportive.
I have not found anyone in this site for me to wish that way, but I think I wouldn't wish it.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
2 Mar 08
My sweetie was the "guy I talked to online" too. A year and a half later he is still exactly the same man he was then and I know there isn't anyone out there who could ever measure up to him.
