i did not expect that my marriage was one of the causes...

This one is touchy and it my is day of rest so from the description you have given I find it hard to ascertain who I would point the blame finger at. Your mother obviously felt that there was a need for her to stay behind and be there for her children and that was very admirable of her but there should also come a time in a mothers life when she should accept that her children are grown adults and have left the nest and that they SHOULD be capable of taking care of themselves. I married young as well. I was 19. And I was the one who moved away. I left my family and all my friends behind and when the time came, more than once, that I needed help a simple phone call to my grandmother was all I had to place to get that help. Whether it was money or just a shoulder to cry on or just the recipe for her famous pumpkin pie, all I had to do was pick up the phone and she gladly gave me what I needed. I would think it was your father who didn't care for his family at all and your mother that cared too much. Regardless of the past you shouldn't worry about this now. You are a grown woman and now taking care of your mother so no matter what happened before or why it happened you have obviously grown into a respectful, responsible woman and I'm sure your mother couldn't be more proud of you and she does not resent the decision she made all those many years ago.

vanities its hard to say whose fault it was but no mom is going to want to leave her child or children It is possible that you did not know all that was going on between your parents. I would just let it go and not worry about the blame now as its all water under the bridge anyway.take care of your mom and love her. Maybe the best thing would be to just ask your mom just like you have told us.ask her these questions in as gentle a way as possible.

Its difficult to say offhand who’s at fault coz no children actually know the relation between their parents. From the outside we may think that everything is OK, we may feel that our parents love each other very much, but that may not actually be the case. The adult world is full of grey areas and since they are our elders, we should not be judgemental about their relations and decisions. Maybe there was little love between them and your mom felt insecure going with her husband to a new land, maybe she did not want to start life afresh and maybe your dad did not forgive her for not being by his side through thick and thin. There are too many ‘maybes’ so you will never know what actually happened and why and you cant probably question a 71yr old lady on her relations with her husband. I don’t think you are doing justice to yourself by thinking that your marriage was a cause for their separation. No, definitely not, your mom may have wanted to stay close to you, but if she really wanted to go with her husband, she would have.

I think what your mom did was great from her part. she thought of her children Your father may be right at that moment, but i think they both should have tried to mend the differences and also the decision taken. Your mother sacrificed a great part of her life for her children. But your dad did not act in good way it seems.

well i cannot make foult of any one . well think here is the problem caome of ur dad he should understand that and he should take u will them selves.

Hello vanities, I don't think that your parents were separated because of your marriage. There is nothing that you told here to show proof that it was because of that. I do believe that your mother is a loving mother and that's why she chose to be with her children instead of her husband. I think your father couldn't take it being alone and decided to find another woman. It wasn't your mom's fault nor did yours or your siblings. She has the responsibilities towards her children and that was why she chose to stay behind. I don't think she is at fault on why both of them are separated now. Your father supposed to tell the truth and instead, he chose to keep quiet and disappeared from your mom's life. That is not fair to all of you.

You were already married at that time. It is your husband's obligation to take care of you. In that situation I think your mother should have gone with your father. Still, your father could have cheated on her even if she was there with him, so we'll never really know that for sure. All we can do is follow our heart when we make decisions.

I also think you are looking for takeing the blame, I think your mother didnt want to go or she would have, maby things were not right between your parents before he left,what your father did was not rght but you should not blame yourself. maby you could talk to your mom and ask her why she didnt go with your father.

Hello dear vanities. I think that both of your mom and dad could have caused this separation between them as they did not reach an agreement in choosing how to make both ends meet. If your mom followed him all the way to Manila or if your dad could have suffered from the loneliness without your mom's staying with him and just waited for one year as your mom had promised, they would have been staying together without any other third party getting interfered. I could see that your mom loves you more as you were only eighteen then and she wanted to take care of you and the other two brothers of yours, which is from the angle of love on the mom's side. Anyway I can see how much your mom loves you the best. Please take good care of your mom the way she takes good care of you. Let bygones be bygones. I just hope that both your parents and your siblings enjoy more of your life. Be blessed.

It is not your fault. Your mom made a choice and so did your dad. Obviously she loves you and did not want to leave you. Also their marriage must not have been as strong as it maybe seemed to you or things would have turned out differently.

First of all, I think you should take yourself away from the picture of your parents' break up. No one will ever know and understand other's decision and choices - be it from all angles. It is totally individual. I believe your mother is right to stay behind for all of you as you are all not completely independent and capable enough. Besides, she loved and trusted your dad to be family minded and true to his commitment to the family and her. Also, it would not be practical to be with him since he is looking for a new job in Manila and there is no certainty if he might be successful. Should he fail then your mom's presence there would be an extra burden to him. I just feel for your mother and I am sure she isn't blaming anyone of you for her break up. Just don't be too harsh on yourself and loose sight of the big picture. It's just that your dad had been unfaithful and heartless - ignoring his responsibilities as a father to your brother and you as well. Just have no words for him. I hope that as you live on to this day, you will not forget your mother who has toiled for you all. Stay bright and positive - God Bless.

Hi vanities, I believe we are from the same country. I am from Cebu. May I know in which part of the Philippines you reside? Going to your question, well I think, it is not your fault at all. We Filipinos always have this strong family ties within us and your mother is just doing what is right. Basically your mother loves you, her children and that is the reason why she decided to stay. I am not in the position to judge your father but from the looks of it, his love for his family is weak. He could have just visited you from time to time and be the father of the family, but instead, he replaced your family with a new one without even saying a word.

Hi vanities! In love, there is no absolute right or wrong! If they have no feelings, so it still opt to divorce!This is good for them!