You Can Eat After You Pay Me Back!
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
United States
March 3, 2008 11:38am CST
How do you get people who owe you money to realize that paying you back needs to be on their priority list?
Here is a scenario.
You are great friends with this couple who has 3 kids and they end up losing their electric service and come to stay with you for about a week while they try to get the money together to have their electricity turned back on. But they fall very short of the money they need so one of them asks you if they can borrow it from you. You have a rule about letting anyone borrow money from you but since they are both working at least part time and in an effort to get them out of your house, you lend him the money.
Now keep in mind even though everyone is staying with you and everyone will benefit from you lending them the money it is only ONE of the adults that asks you for it.
So you pay the money they get their electric back on and everyone is happy. But a month after they started paying you back, one of them loses their job and their vehicle breaks down.
So they are down to one part time job, unemployment, and no vehicle to get back and forth to that part time job and to top it all off Christmas is coming and they don't have any money to get their kids presents.
So you make a deal with the same one who asked you for the money to pay their electric that you will wait until they get their tax returns before they have to pay you again AND you sell him your playstation 3 so he could use it to get money to buy their kids presents. Why wouldn't you, they had been paying you back until this new tragedy struck them?
So now THEY owe you for the money for the electric and now He owes you the money for the electric and the playstation.
Tax return time comes around and you find out that he already got his return and spent it and she got her return and bought a new vehicle and with the money left over she went out and bought herself a $1000 entertainment system. And even though they are both WELL AWARE of the money that was owed to you, no one paid you a dime until you called them while you were having an emergency of your own.
So what would you do if your friends completely screwed you over when it came to paying you back money they borrowed?
Do you think it was right for one of them to go out and spend her money on an entertainment system when she was well aware of what was owed to you, even though she wasn't the one who made the deal? After all it was her children that were going to benefit from your generosity as much as his were.
How do you make it known to these people that they NEED to pay you back and AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?
Any suggestions and comments will be appreciated. But please refrain from telling me I shouldn't lend people money, I think I have learned that lesson by now.
7 people like this
24 responses
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
3 Mar 08
Personally, I would count the money as a loss and stop my friendship with them. Odds are you will never see the money based on what you are saying. Since it seems like you need the money, you could write up a promissory not and have them signs it, work out a payment plan and if they don’t stick to it, take them to court. Either way, I wouldn’t be friends with them anymore just because of their lack of respect.
3 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
It's easier to say then to do. I really value the friendship of this woman whereas I can only tolerate her boyfriend in small bursts. So losing her friendship over this would be an issue for me. Him I could care less.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
5 Mar 08
Is there any way that you can resolve this just with her, leave him out of it?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
She feels that she doesn't owe me anything because I made the deal with him and not with her yet it was her and her kids who benefited as much as he did by my generosity.
@creationsbyrobin (3071)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Touchy subject. Personally, if we lend someone money and they are a bit down on their luck and it continues to get even worse, we say (to ourselves--goodbye money)
However, for both of them to get a tax return and buy anything other than the vehicle they needed and pay some of their bills, without paying youback at least half of the money they owe you if very irresponsible on their part and downright rude.
You didn't say what he spent his money on and I can only hope it went for bills, food, etc otherwise I can totally understand your frustration.
They completely took advantage of your generosity and were very selfish to spend money on an entertainment center when you lent them money and gave them a PS3 to sell to for money for bills.
IMO what they did w/o an explanation is very wrong.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I only know what he SAYS he spent his money on though I expect that the amount he got was much HIGHER then what he claims it to be. He is known for his B/S ability that is why I was kind of relying on my friendship and the honesty of his girlfriend to ensure they money was paid back to me.
I agree what she did was completely selfish especially considering how close her and I are.
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
4 Mar 08
couple questions: How good of friends are they to you? And how much money did you lend them in total? Now, answer both of those to yourself and figure if it is worth losing the friendship over. If the amount is a big amount, then you can of course take them to small claims court if desired. I would first try and work it out with them. Like the others have said, make up a promisary note and see if you guys can't come up with an agreement that is agreeable to both parties. Maybe suggest to them in order to pay you back, they should pawn or sell a few of their items. It's hard, I know. I've been there. You just need to ask yourself if it's worth losing a friendship over (if you guys were good friends to begin with). And if not, go get em! :)
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
5 Mar 08
After working in collections for many years I will tell you what it is with them and I can some it up in one word - PRIDE. I am sure it was hard for them to accept the money in the first place. so now, that they have the money, they are going to hoard the money. When we don't have something that we need/want, and then when we get it, what do we do with it? We go nuts with it. We do things (especially money) that we wouldn't normally do with it. It's unfortunate for you that you had to find out the hard way just how someone is (shallow). But then again, when people are desperate they tend to do things they wouldn't normally do. And I am sure you are not basing the whole friendship on just $1000 (I don't mean to sound like $1000 isn't alot of money because Lord knows I know it is). There are also other factors involved like trust. That is HUGE. Now she can't be trusted because she said she would pay you back and hasn't.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I have know him for almost 15 years but I am much closer to her but our friendship is only a little over a year old.
And in total they owe me a little over $1000.
I don't want to say that is all my friendship with her is worth and that I would willing trade how close we are for what seems like an insignificant amount but I just can't believe she would be so shallow to use her money on an entertainment center knowing that I don't have gobs of cash laying around and 4 kids of my own to take care of.
1 person likes this
@Kaeli72 (1229)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I can answer this discussion from your "friends" point of view because I've been there.
My first husband was someone I found at the bottom of the barel. He was a slacker and a half and the fact he refused to work didn't help matters much. We kept having to borrow money from family and friends. Eventually, he stole money from them just so we could eat. I'm not with that person anymore but when I look back at the lives we've ruined, it breaks my heart.
Yes, even though I had to call my family to borrow the money, with whatever money ex managed to scrape up went to buying things that were so stupid, I wonder why I let him.
The guilt is upon me, even after 14 years...if those people have an ounce of goodness in their hearts, they will carry their guilt with them as well. It's all a matter of time.
2 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I find it hard to believe that either of them feel any kind of quilt over this.
She claims to be guiltless because I didn't make the deal with her and he never had morals the 15 years I have known him I don't suspect he will get any anytime soon.
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I've always heard that you should never lend money with any intention of ever getting it back.
If you do, great! If you don't, well, you didn't expect it anyway.
I know that doesn't do you any good now, but like the others said, what they did is wrong, pure and simple.
2 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I think that is the slap in the face that is adding insult to my injury here. I can understand needing the money for bills and for their kids. I would gladly have waiting forever to get my money if that was what they were spending their tax returns on. But to see how much our friendship means to her that she would rather go out and buy an entertainment center then even think about paying me back at least HALF then that is what is really boiling my blood.
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
5 Mar 08
It's not even about the friendship to me.
Whether it be to you or a finance company, she owed a debt. She chose to put her own WANTS ahead of paying her debt. Period.
I have gone without everything but the absolute essentials to stay alive in order to pay my debts. I may be in that position again soon, but my debts will be paid, at whatever cost.
@star2316 (41)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Well the only thing i can tell ya you cant help people that are not willing to help themselves i would not lend them any money anymore and if they ask you again you are just going to have to tell you cant and that you are sorry if they get mad at you then they really dont care about you and your family. I just do not see myself getting money from my bestfriend and not paying them back that would be #1 on my mind I had to get 200 from one of my friends at the time i told her that i dont know when i would be able to pay her back but i will pay you back and she said that was fine b/c we are best buds and with then 2 weeks i paid her. that was on my mind the whole time i mean if i didnt pay her back i dont thing i could go around her until i paid her. that is so crazy that your friend could go and buy that 1000 set! it seems to me that they could not give a rip about it!
2 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Haha. Good. If we were friends I would have no problem lending you money. It is nice to see that there are still some people who know the meaning of friendship.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I sgree with the others who said you should just count this up as a loss, and cut your ties with these people as friends, and let them know you are doing so, and why. When people take help out of the kindness of someones heart, and then turn around and do something like this, they have no self respect, and often will continue to use people until someone has the chance to step up to them. I am Sorry this had to happen to you, and hope you will be more cautious in the end from now on.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I am very very choosy with my friendship and this woman is closer to me then some of my own family members. It isn't easy for me to throw her or our friendship away even when I am owed of $1000.
I wouldn't be angry about their lack of paying me back so slowly if I had not had an emergency of my own that could have been prevented if they were less selfish people.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
6 Mar 08
This wasn't really a personal loan...it was a loan for the FAMILY. So, it doesn't matter who did the asking. I'm sure the husband and wife would have discussed the issue among themselves before ONE of them asked you for the loan (that's what normal couples do in situations like this one). So, it is the responsibility of both partners to work towards repaying it.
And from what I can make out from the discussion, they were doing their part...till the woman decides to buy herself an entertainment system! That's the part I can't get...when they are in debt and trying to find ways to get by, why would she want to buy an entertainment system? And how come her husband didn't think that the money cold have been put to better use?
That's exactly what I would tell them too....that they need to pay me back and what I think about their new investment...and how they made sure I'll never be able to trust and help THEM or ANYONE ELSE in the future because of the way they handled this one.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
9 Mar 08
She paid me the last of the money she says was her responsibility and he has given me $80 since posting this discussion. So now the total owed is under $900.
Not bad for a week. I'm just really sorry that it had to come to this for them to realize they should have paid me back a long time ago.
I'd hope they know better never to ask me for money again considering how terrible this whole transaction went.
@urbandekay (18278)
•
3 Mar 08
A little gentle stroking - with a brick
all the best urban
2 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I suppose I could always make them sell one of their children into slavery to pay me back. That wouldn't be nearly as painful as a brick ;)
Thanks for the comment I needed the snicker.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Mar 08
I would sit down with them and put your story to them by way of explaining why you expect and need them to pay you back. I would also explain that you are pretty cheesed off. I would explain that I needed to have an answer from them as to when and how they would be returning your kindness and generosity. Also that you are offended to be put into a position of having to go to these lengths to get back what is owed you. If the responses are unsatisfactory, I would let them know that you will sue them for the amount and costs.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
9 Mar 08
My sweetie made it very clear that he will be more than happy to file charges to get the money back and since making the statement I have been paid back $180. Amazing.
I hope he sticks to his payment schedule this time because I would hate to have to take this to court over what is now less than $900 and lose a combined total of 15 years of friendship over it.
@jaredlp (418)
• United States
5 Mar 08
are these friends of your married... need to know so can post couple possible senerios
like i said earlier she showing what type friend she really is. her lack of concern at getting you this money that is owed to u by her significant other proves that. you know she sent him to ask you for the money, just so she could try and absolve herself of it when they didnt pay it back. as far as everything being hers, the loan was for the household and esp if married its a community debt.
personally at the moment i have 4 people that owe me money at moment one owes 615 dollars, amoount of there car insurance, that highest amount. when i paid it i did it for her child not for her, i knew i would never see that money again and year later ive been proven right. i only give people one chance to screw me over. if making payment i wont loan more to them till original paid off. i never put my name down for like a phone or something, reason that the pro's wont approve them, why should i.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
4 Mar 08
In the case of that friend, they are going to realize that you got to pay folk back. They could be riding high now, but until they understand the lesson and all is well with them, you may be out of luck. However, don't let it get you down because they will be back again. They usually do come back. I'm not going to sit here and bash you for saying you shouldn't or should have or nothing; You did what any friend would do. They used your friendship and didn't honor it by paying the debt.
2 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
That is exactly what they did. They used my kindness and my soft spot for children knowing that I wouldn't be able to say no.
There is a way for me to get repaid if not by money then by having the sheriff sell off their belongs at an auction. I wonder who they will go to then when they don't have a TV to watch or a game system to occupy their kids with.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I tell them outright that I need that money back and I keep asking for it and bothering them until I get it back. Then I don't ever lend it to them again and I don't care who they are. I went through this as well with my mom and brother in a way. Both of them last year came to stay with me and I never asked them for anything except some babysitting once in awhile and to keep the house tidy basically clean up after themselves. That was all fine but once they left and I needed something they lie and come up with excuses and I only ask them for help once in a great while. They totally took advantage of my kindness and mistaked it for weakness but just wait until they need something again..paybacks are a son of a b...
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
9 Mar 08
I like that line and it holds so true for my family- what a bunch of jerks they are and since I posted this there are even more stories that I can tell!
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
9 Mar 08
You earned the BR. Plainly because you stated "They totally took advantage of my kindness and mistook it for weakness but just wait until they need something again..paybacks are a son of a b..."
Since I already told them out right I needed the money and I have badgered them incessantly almost the whole month of February, it was seeing in print that did it!
I'm pretty sure they got the idea NEVER to ask me for anything ever again.
@steffyhoney (706)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I agree. People owe me money all the time. I give it out being nice and stuff you think they would have the decentcy to just pay you back. And trust me I have learned that lesson too. I dont think Ill ever loan money again unless its a close family member in major needs of certain things.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Don't jump to any conclusions on family. My DAD still owes me $175. lol
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Aargh that would pi$$ me right off. I doubt that you will get paid anytime soon and if you do, then halleluiah, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Sorry no solution here, I think you can kiss those $$ goodbye and next time their electricity goes off or they call for help, tell them to sell their car or entertainment center because you are never lending to them again.
Sorry in a not so good mood at the moment :(
1 person likes this
@crazylady (470)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Have you heard of Judge Judy? Take them to her, and let her yell at them! You helped them out of the goodness of your heart, with the idea to get paid back. It was not a gift!
1 person likes this
@Mamagee (392)
• Malaysia
5 Mar 08
If I'm the one who owe money, i'll pay the money i owe first before i buy anything else. because this is our responsibility. If we want to be trusted, make ourselves trusted person. For the friend you are mentioning, i'l wouldn't trust her anymore. next time when she comes to you for help, make sure you say no. Sometime we need to be a little bit selfish just to teach her a lesson.
@dacavalcante (11)
• Brazil
5 Mar 08
well your friend wasn't really your friend this time..... I don't know any good way to "catch" the person by his/her word....
But you could say something like this before you lend the money: "Hey you know I really need that money, but I'll lend it to you because you're my buddy, as soon as you or your family have some, please, pay me back."
But still it's not granted...
1 person likes this
@julievy (593)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Any time I "loan" money to family or friends, I pretty much consider that it's going to be a gift and I'll never see it again. If I do get it back, I consider it a miracle.
If someone borrows from me twice and never has paid me back or even attempted to make payments, then the next time they ask, I simply say NO.
@deedee30 (432)
• Spain
4 Mar 08
My nan told me a very wise thing many years ago and that was NEVER lend what you cant afford to lose and this is so true, the minute it leaves your hand then it is purely a bonus if it comes back! Weve all been stung by friends who have borrowed money and I wont lend or borrow from friends as it causes to many friendships to break down. Good luck with trying to get it back but I honestly dont think you will.
