is it possible to be a good lover and husband/wife too?

In your particular situation, Eskarena, I don't see how it could be possible at all, but your's is a unique marriage, and not subject to the conventional ideas that most of us share about marriage. I think that you and your spouse have a wonderful marriage, from my point of view, and that you care for each other deeply, and share a common goal that centers around your children. But, you have other needs that are being neglected here, and he doesn't share that problem. Your desires need to be addressed. We've spoken at length about this, and you know how I feel about it. I am so in your corner, and have a fervent wish to see you happy. If there were anything I could do to affect that, you know I would. As to the ordinary marriage, well, I think it's very possible to be both a lover and a good spouse, although the two don't necessarily go hand in hand all of the time. They're both something we have to work at and we can expect lulls in both areas at various times during our marriage. But it's the commitment that makes the difference here, I think. If one is commited to making it work, then one will do what it takes. It can be very hard, sometimes, to be patient, and give each other the time we might need, but it's important and worth putting up with. I have issues in my own marriage surrounding this very thing, as we've spoken of, and I'm having a hard time with it. But I'm hanging in there, and sticking it out, 'cause I want this thing to work and last. It's been almost l2 years now, and I'm certainly not about to give up now. Whew! You do post some heavy topics, Eskarena, my sweet friend, don't you? It taxes my brain, but you and what you are asking are well worth any effort I might make, and if anything I say can help you in even a small way, then I am gratified.

i know i'm a good wife, i know my husband is satisfied with our s.e.x lives! so i guess it can be true!

I guess it is possible, anything is! But for me just being a good, honest wife is what matters most and the rest just comes naturally. Maybe those who have said this think of nothing else which is sad with relating to all the failed marriages and relationships these days!

i think ity is true, why we cannot be a good lover of our husband or wife, those people who say is they not realize what is the real love & never feel the real care of thier partner.

How does one become a spouse without being a lover first? To be a spouse is to be a lover. Why would you marry someone who isn't your lover? Why would being a lover immediately dissolve upon marriage? I think people invent these ruts for themselves. People believe such stereotypes to the point of thinking they are abnormal if they don't behave that way which only perpetuates the misconceptions and breeds dissatisfaction.

I guess it is not true.I don't understand why it is said.One can always consider a spouse lover.

I think if you have the right connection with your mate, then it is very possible to be a lover and a spouse. but there are times when you have to separate the two from each other to make it work really well.