what is a good listener

After many years of individual and marital therapy, reading, and taking part in relationship discussion groups (with and without therapists present)this is what I have come to know to be true for ME: I am being a good listener when I am wholly, fully present to another, not distracted by anything else, including my internal thoughts. (Of course, I will have thoughts while the other is speaking, but I will do my very best to dismiss them from my mind as quickly as possible. -- Meditation has helped me learn to do this.) Certainly, if I am being a good listener, I will not be DOING anything else but listening with my full presence. I will not interrupt the other person. I will not, even in my head, complete or begin to complete the other's sentences. I will be observant of the other's body language. I will be empathetic -- I will "hear" the pain or fear or whatever emotion is expressed in the other's body language or eyes or facial expression. I will NOT offer advice unless I am explicitly asked to do so. In fact, I will be silent but the other will know by my eye contact, by my silence, by my body language, by my total presence, that I am fully listening. I will only speak without the other's request for me to speak, if I do not understand something the other has said. I will simply say something like: "I'm not sure I understood what you just said. Would you repeat it or say it another way until I'm sure I understand you?" The other will gladly do so. And the fact that I am listening so fully and want to fully understand will be reinforced. Of course, if comments or advice are requested, I will give them, but keep them brief and general and often follow them with something like "It seems that you probably know what is best for you. Perhaps you need to spend some more time thinking about this." Since I have learned this way of listening, almost 100% of the time, people get up afterward and hug me and tell me they have never felt so "heard" before in their lives, that they really did just need to speak and be heard, without being interrupted, and by doing so they were able to come to their own conclusions. They were able to wade through whatever confusion they were feeling. And I felt great joy at having been able to give that gift. And I have been blessed by many who have given me that same gift many times.

A good listener is a good listener no more than that. Giving advice only when he is asked unless you want to make him disappointed. (sorry for my bad english)

I agree with all that, but I think you should be careful how to express yourself, since the "talker" is in a sensitive mood and can easily be angry. Some of my friends gave opinions and advices when I was talking about my problems. They sometimes gave advices that maked me really mad. I really just need a "listener" not more. So, you have to look at the situation, if your friend is really sad or angry you should better just listen; then we he/she is in a better mood; advices are allowed! =)