Secret

I'm not sure what exactly the situation is. I read this two or three times and I am still confused. I think that it might be necessary to remove yourself from the situation if it really bothers you. I think I would have suggested to the person that she not do that, but I understand what you mean when you say that you wouldn't want to judge her life. I felt the same way when a girl asked me for money so she could get an abortion even though I didn't support that. That is a hard one to call because when you are talking long-term friendships, it may be difficult to decide whether to stay friends or not.

All I can say is good luck. Whenever I have known that spouses were cheating on spouses, even with my friends, I have told. I don't approve of it. I always say I don't do married. And I don't. It's wrong. If you put yourself in that situation, would you want someone to tell you? Now, there was one time that I told and they were still just engaged. Well, she married him anyway. Now they are divorced and we aren't really friends.

Wow that's crazy. On one hand I definitely want to tell but on another I think it's none of my business and wouldn't say anything. Are you willing to lose a friendship because if you do tell "Ann" will know you did and you probably won't be friends anymore. I really wouldn't know what to do.

Whew! That is a tough one. I try not to judge as well but, I hate cheaters! They are one group of people that I can't stomach very well and have a really low tolerance for. If you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, get out of dodge. End it! Period! It is that freaking simple. Don't hurt another person by cheating worse than you would be by ending the dang relationship. Because, in the end, it would hurt more to be cheated on than to have your spouse end a relationship that isn't working. At least, in my opinion. As for whether you should tell your friend or keep it to yourself...that is really tough. I would say you should tell your other friend. Or, go to the cheater and tell her that you don't feel comfortable with this secret anymore and either you tell your friend or she does. A friendship will end but, it is up to you whose friendship means more. If your cheated on friend ever finds out some day and then she also finds out you knew, she will never forgive you and then you will end up losing both friends. So, would you rather lose one friendship, or 2?

I'm sorry but if I were you I would tell this poor woman that her husband is cheating on her with Anne. I mean, first of all, I think to sleep with another woman's husband is low but then to actually know the woman on some level, takes it even lower. In my opinion, if I knew something like this, I would not be able to live with myself if I didn't say anything. As a woman who knows what it would feel like to have this done to her, how could I? Also, who's to say she won't make a play for your boyfriend/husband? She obviously has no type of scruples about it and doesn't even feel any remorse over it. I think you would be much better off without this woman as a friend and you need to come clean with the innocent party in all this. Think how you would feel if your roles were reversed and if it were your husband, wouldn't you want her to tell you? I know I sure in the heck would. Do the right thing and tell this woman of the slime that surrounds her life. You will all be better for it in the end....

That is so sad...I think what you should do now, is talk with your husband and your friend separately. I know it hurts a lot especially the woman involved here is what you thought your true friend. I hope you would get over this.

I have never hear of a situation like yours ending up well. It's tough. You should not have to be in this position. But since you are if you want to stay friends with (Ann) Tell her the relationship with this man is off limits, no discussions. I wouldn't tell the wife, she would resent you. And it would probally breakup the family. If she finds out about the relationship and that you knew all along. Again she will resent you. Besides Some women know about their husbands relations with other women and decide to ignore it. In my opinion better left unsaid.

I wont go and advice Ann, because she is uncared about her behaviour..knowingly well that she is at wrong path.. she continues to do so.. so no point in telling her..nor does i will antagonise with her. But i will slowly reduce my contacts with Ann....and as you thought i will slowly remove them from my life.... Why should one stay as an witness for an unwanted thing.. because as you said, that Anns' lovers son and wife has already started to build a gruel. Play safe Violeta_va.

Always mind your OWN business. Take a minute and ask yourself," Is this my business? if I were them would I want someone else messing about with it?" If the truth makes you sick, think about something else. No one can live An other's life for them. Let it go for now. Nothing stays the same for long. Perhaps the situation will resolve it's self and you will still be friends with these people!

Wow what a situation you are in Violeta. Having two friends involved in a very unpleasant situation. But I think the husband should also be blamed and in the end will just hurt your two friends. Do you know the husband? Well it might be good to talk to the husband first and let him know of what wrong he is doing to your two friends. But you should definitely tell your two girlfriends. On who should be first is very hard to do but I guess it should be the mistress (sorry for the word). If your friend will decide to stay away from the guy, then their marriage may still be saved and the wife may not even know it and may not be hurt in the end. I know, the truth will always be known, so you have to tell them as it may effect your friendship with any one of your friends. Good luck girl!

I think and this is just my own opion that you should tell your friend that she is playing with fire and that she will be hurting two innocent people the wife and child if the wife finds out. suggest to her thatthere are lots of other unmarried fish in the sea and itstime to get going and find one who is free to love her. She is truly being selfish and so is the man involved. If he had any guts he would either break it off with you friend or tell his wife and get a divorce. seems the two of them want all the fun of a relationship without any responsiblity at all. so she does not want to be married or have kids fine but tell her to play house with another unmarried man not make herself up to be a homewrecker. it is time you told her the truth if sheis really your friend be honest with her you know it is wrong.

Well, that definitely is not pleasant. I can understand that you are feeling in between your friends. If you speak it out, probably you will lose your friends and break the family. If you don't, somehow you will feel guilty. Worse still, if the wife find out one day that you actually are aware of this, it will also affect the friendship. So, if I were you, I won't say anything first and keep it all secret, pretending not knowing that and noticing how all the things are going. Obviously, this issue has bothered you for some time. You mind is messed up. How about leaving this problem alone. Maybe you can find some solutions then. Do not force yourself that much. After all, being a friend of them does not necessarily mean you are responsible for everything. Besides, if any of your friends need you, you still have to play a role as a friend indeed. Relex youself first, think about it later. May things become better.

I'm in the same sort of situation as you are at the moment. I have just found out that a friend of mine slept with her husband's best friend. I have not told anyone because I know that if my friends husband found out it would devastate him like there's no tomorrow. In this relationship there are also small children involved so I just can't say anything. What I have done though is basically removed myself from the situation, I don't go visit my friend anymore and I only see her if it's one of mine or her children's birthday. Ultimately the decision on what you do is up to you. Ask yourself this "can i live with myself telling them or not saying anything?" You will end up doing what is right for you and your family.

Wow, that is a hard one and one which really has no acceptable answer. You did right to tell your friend 'Ann' that you know and it's up to her to decide what she wants to do but she is playing with fire, that's for sure. If you have found out who is to say that the wife won't find out too? Then what happens? Perhaps you should say something to the husband? Something gentle, just that you know that he is playing around, you are not going to judge him but does he really think it is fair on his wife and child? I don't think he is taking the responsibility of his marriage to heart. If he doesn't want to be married and accept what marriage means and he wants to run around like a single guy, then perhaps he should re-evaluate his life! Good luck, this is a hard one. We're rooting for you!

i just can wish that whatever happens is good for you. its good that you have got to know the truth. now its hurting you knowing who is that person.But better face the life as it comes. All the best

Ok, you said that Ann has been seeing this guy for 7 years. How long has the guy and Sue been married? Did you ever think that maybe Sue knows that her hubby is seeing someone else, but just doesn't know who it is? Some people, not that I agree, have more of an open marriage to see other people. I mean, to keep it a secret for 7 years is a very long time and there has to be some point that Sue has to have a clue. You can't keep it under wraps for that long from the other spouse. I know you are in a hard spot and you want to help, but maybe you just don't know all of it. Ask your friend Ann if she thinks that sue, the wife, knows about them seeing each other. Is Ann happy with the way the relationship is with her and the guy? She has never pressed for the guy to leave his wife? Sue might be happy knowing, but not knowing who it is. A very, very long time ago I was seeing a married man. There was many things involved that thier's was an arranged marriage and they didn't really love each other, let alone like each other. She had an idea about it and what killed me is that I would have to take her shopping because she didn't drive. They had no kids either. He worked all of the time. Well, she went to see her family and told him not to let me sleep on her side of the bed. So she knew, but just never would say anything to me or to him outloud before. It was just how thier marriage was at that time in thier lives. Now they have 4 or 5 kids and thier marriage is great. I broke it off a long time ago and I do have a child with him and broke it off as soon as I found out I was pregnate and found out that she was pregnate. Our kids were born only a month apart. I would not change that time in my life either. My second husband adopted my son when he was 6 months old and now he is 15 and knows who is real father is and has talked to him a few times and has also met his half brother's and sister. Please don't judge me on this. I only said anything because you don't know where Sue's marriage is at right now and they might be happy with the relationship the way it is.

To tell you the truth, I would let them duke it out. You know the secret and now Ann knows you know. Bottom line, tell her how you feel. No one can judge but the man upstairs, so don't feel that you have to. Just be honest. How would she feel if her husband would be cheating on her? How do you feel about infedlity? Point Blank it. If she gets mad at you, take some time to tell her that you care for her, but it isn't right. She should come clean. 7 years is a long time for that kind of CRAP to go on. Good Luck!

I know its a horrible situation to be in but you know if your friend finds out about her husbands affair and then also finds out that you knew about it, then thats an even worse situation and you will end up losing a friendship at the very least. I was the last to know when my hubby was cheating and I mean the last to know. Everyone I knew, knew all about it and not one person said a single word to me, they stood there talking to me acting as my friend and never said one word. I can honestly say that finding out that my so called friends knew and never told me hurt more than finding out that my hubby was having an affair. I already had an idea anyway. Lets just say that I no longer have any friends. I confronted one of my friends and asked her why didnt you tell me, she said it was none of her business. Can you believe that? I said not your business, you knew about it and you were supposed to be my friend, that makes it your business, all the years we have known each other count for nothing? she said I had enough troubles of my own. I had to walk away because I was going to smack her and she was pregnant so I couldnt. But I said to her I would have told you, I wouldnt have dreamed of keeping that from you. This all happened 1 year ago and it still hurts knowing that she could be so callous, and I was so humiliated I didnt go out for a long time, I couldnt look at people I knew without getting so angry for the fact that they all conspired in keeping this dirty little secret. As a result I keep myself to myself I dont have much to do with anyone because I was so ashamed, embarrassed and hurt. This is a situation that can only end with hurt one way or another, there is no easy answer and no easy way out. You now know about the situation, and if you say nothing you go against one friend and if you say something you will lose another, its a hard one.