My Son
By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
United Kingdom
March 17, 2008 9:53am CST
Most of you will remember I wrote a Discussion not so long back about my Son and his Fiancee
Here is the Link
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1430103.aspx
Well I stayed quiet. My Son told me on Friday Morning before I set of that they had split up, he was crying. It was going to tell me 3 hours to get to him, so I phoned his Sister and their Dad who went straight round to him.
Well I arrived at my Sons and he looked awful, first thing I did is hugged him and held him to me I was in tears to see my Boy like this
He then told me what had been going on, the reason he had not said anything (which I thought was the reason) he was trying to work it out with her
This other Guy was still phoning her every Night and sending Text Messages, they work together all Day so why does he have to message and phone her at Night. Also she was being nasty to my Son, so he knew
She only tried to put all the Blame on my Son, sorry she was one of the reasons I moved out faster then what I was going to
She stopped him seeing his Friends, playing Golf, and she was complaining about his Hobby which is Cars
She is one of these People that always wants to be told she is beautiful and get full attention, she used flirt all the time with others, but if my Son spoke to a Girl she would go mad
My Son started to get under a lot of pressure and he started going quiet and also moody he had so much on his Plate and she was not helping all she would do is have a go
Anyway she decided not to be in the House at the weekend only for my Son to get a call telling him she was out with that Guy, when she is suppose to be thinking about things
She only just started to work again after being out of a Job for nearly a year and now she is always out
I don't know what is going to happen till he sees her today if she goes back to the House
My Son was heartbroken all weekend but he put a brave Face on for his Sister yesterday for her Birthday, my Heart was breaking for him, his Sister gave him a big Hug, they both stood there hugging for a while, everyone at the table was in Tears,
It was hard for me to leave last Night but I had to because of my Scan today, my Girl stayed with her Brother last Night to make sure he is ok.
Why can't I just do what I used to do with them when they little and hurt, hold them close to me and make the hurt go away?
My Son might be going to work abroad now, he asked me if I am ok with that, I told him, he is an Adult now, I would hate to see him go and I would miss him badly, but it is his Life and if it is what he wants to do I will not stand his way and I will always be here for him
My Son held me close and tight last Night before I left and he said "Mum I love you so much, you are the best"
I drove home crying for a while as I do not like seeing my Babies like that
I know he will be ok because he is my Son
22 people like this
42 responses
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
19 Mar 08
Your son has been put through so much because of this. And so have you. It's always hard to see our babies hurting, especially when we know there's not much we can do to help them. That fiancee of his sounds like one very insecure and insensitive person. She needs to wake up and smell the reality. One of these days, what she has been doing to your son will come back to bite her on the butt, and it will be all her own doing. Just keep doing what you're doing and be the awesome mom that you are. That's the best medicine for your son right now, knowing that he has the love and support of his family. Big hugs to you sweetie. And please tell your son that the Auntie Katlady that he doesn't know yet is sending him lots of love and hugs too.
3 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
OH twin dear, I"m so sorry to hear about all this. ANd how you will be feeling right now, because the truth is that when our children hurt, we hurt twice as much.
We know they're adults and have their own life but they are always our babies.
He knows, however , that you are there for him and I'm sure that this can help him feel a bit better.
Big, big hug to you my friend
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (162112)
• United States
22 Mar 08
You will be a good anchor for him, wherever you go, wherever he goes. I hope all the best for him. I know that he has to make changes. I hope that he is firm in his resolve.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
I think you should be glad that your son's fiance broke off with him now rather than wait until they got married, and there would be a divorce coming up not to mention grandchildren who would also be hurt. It is obvious that the two of them were not suited to each other. She wanted to be queen of the earth, while he did not. She was unwilling to see his side of things.
Do not worry. Soon he will meet a nice young lady and you will be proud of your future daughter-in-law and your son will wonder why he ever went out with his former fiance.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
18 Mar 08
You are a wonderful mum, gabs, and you clearly raised your kids the right way!
I was sure your son would come to you when he felt the time was right. It's normal for us to want to protect our kids and keep them safe but I often think of a plaque one of my daughters gave me years ago that said: Give them wings and let them fly.
I was sure your son would come to you when he felt the time was right. It's normal for us to want to protect our kids and keep them safe but I often think of a plaque one of my daughters gave me years ago that said: Give them wings and let them fly.2 people like this
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
19 Mar 08
gabs I am so glad she is out of your sons life. As I said before it is better for it to happen now than later. It will probably do him good to get away too, that will put distance between them too, so if she gets in a jamb she can't come running right back to him. When my sons ex ran around on him, he went ahead and joined the military. It was the best thing that he could have done. It got him past the pain she caused, gave him a stable job and a good base for a high paying job when he came out. I really wish your son and you well. Just keep hugging him, he will get over this and find someone who really loves and respects him.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
19 Mar 08
Thank you Olive
They have talked and talked and they both know their Faults and where they went wrong
They are Friends and will work it out from there and what ever happens that is for them 2 to decide but I know either way it will be for the best
Thank you for your Support on this
1 person likes this
@caramello (4377)
• Australia
18 Mar 08
I have lost count how many times I have shed a tear or three where my children are concerned. And it is a lot easier when they are little as protecting them is number 1 priority, but it really never stops only becomes a little different in how we do things. Someone once told me that they have to learn by their mistakes but I seem to always feel as though I want to take those mistakes away but I do see that things do work through just given some time. My son is very sad at the moment, but he knows I am there for him as your son does and all does work out in the end! Patience of course is not one of my qualities! 1 person likes this
@caramello (4377)
• Australia
18 Mar 08
Not sure what is happening with my smilies as that lol one was meant to be at the end! Sorry if it seems I am making a joke of your story, blame it on the smillie....PLEASE!
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
17 Mar 08
It doesn't matter how old your sons and daughters are I know that mums worry about them, you can't help it, they are whatever age your babies and will remain so. I know that moving abroad will upset you more sweetheart but as you rightly said you have to let him lead his own life but that makes it no less painful. Seems like this would be a good thing for him to get away, clear his head and start afresh help to forget this 'woman' he deserves better and you know that and deep down he knows that and by getting away it will help, time is a great cure but you know that already too sweetheart, stand by him and be there for him, you are a great mum and he's a lucky son to have you supporting him and giving him everything he needs. Hope today went well for you sweetheart, been thinking of you and sending you lots of loving karma xxxx
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
17 Mar 08
I'm so sorry to hear your son had to go through this but better now than later. I went through a similar thing with my oldest son many years ago - both families thought the two would get married but my son found out she was cheating on him (he cleaned up and settled down and she went after another 'bad boy'). Son was devistated but now is happily married to his wife and they have 3 children. I don't like his wife as much as I liked the other but she's good for him and he's happy.
@blackbriar (9075)
• United States
18 Mar 08
From what it sounds like, your son lost the battle with his wife some time ago. She has her mind set on leaving him no matter how badly he wants to work things out. Maybe that's why she was abusive toward him...stopped him seeing his Friends, playing Golf, and she was complaining about his Hobby which is Cars. I truly am sorry it's come to this for your son but that's part of his destiny here on earth.
If not, then his wife would of tried harder to work things out and not talk to that other guy at all. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, Gabs. Hope things work out for the best all around for your son. 
If not, then his wife would of tried harder to work things out and not talk to that other guy at all. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, Gabs. Hope things work out for the best all around for your son. 2 people like this
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
18 Mar 08
gabs8513,
I just came upon your post (2nd) and after reading your previous post I just have some mixed feelings about the whole episode. Here are my views:
As much as I am agreeable on the part of a non interfering mother who does not want her son to be caught in between and allowing your son a free play on the r/s and decision making. To this I am all for you and fully appreciate and support you on this.
However, I am uncomfortable when you started to discover the other side of your son's g/f and you still insist on keeping quiet about it. I think this should not happened as I think you are equally aware with me that this is going to be hurtful and not good for your son. Gabs, I know you do not want to be seen as the interfering party and certainly some part of your doing tells me that you are not willing to become or rather be seen as the "bad" person here. The "bad" person to break the news to your son whom you love so much and hopes that he will always have your good side in his eyes.
Well, in life not everything is perfect I can understand your doings but sometimes we need to be the "bad" guy and keep our love ones from harm's way. I know that what you know and understand has no concrete proof to be mentioned to your son, but the least you could do was to prepare your son to expect certain issues and things that might occur to him by having him over just u and him - and discuss it as some incident that happened to your friend's acquaintance and see how he will react and to prepare him.
I believe with your experience and wisdom you could have antipcipated and know what is coming.
Anyway, what had to happen had already happened and I just feel for your son as well. I really hope that he will take that overseas job minus his g/f here. Encourage him to take that step and of course without his current g/f. I feel that as a parent (observer) we can see things much clearer and more objectively than the person in the situation and as such we need to be ever vigilant and responsible. I do hope that you will do the needful, you are not the bad person here, because your love and your status as a mother says so. So don't let others' negativity and / or past experience hinder you from doing what is right for your son. I say that because you are an understanding and considerate person (too considerate in fact here). Learn to speak up to your son, it will spare him a tonne of heartache. Don't cower to another's reaction when you know what you are doing is right.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
18 Mar 08
Sky thank you for this comment I really appreciate it
I know that they have had a talk last Night and I will find out today what is happening again my Son as to make that decision he now knows how I feel about it all as we had a good talk at the weekend but that is all I have done is told him how I see it
She is denying it but the rest is up to my Son as I can not say you will not have her back he is 23 but he also knows whatever decision he makes I will be here for him at all times
I have given you best response for this because your Opinion to this is wonderful and I really thank you for this
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
18 Mar 08
Thank you gabs8513, I hope that all will be well with your precious and that things will eventually work out.
Just be ever on the lookout for him as he is still young and inexperience. As the saying goes: "One simply can't wrap fire with paper." So only time will tell if his g/f is speaking the truth, and I hope that besides being there for your son - you will take courage to speak out to him.
Take care and God bless.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 08
What a heartbreaking story Gabs, but what a lucky young man to have such a loving Mum. I don't think parents who practice unconditional love ever run out of tears.
But as you said, he will be ok, because he is your son. What a wonderful tribute.
So chin up mum, you've done your best, he knows it, counts on it and is probably more comforted by it than you realize. It's so hard being a Mum sometimes, isn't it? *sigh* So here's some hugs just for you:((((((((((((Gabs)))))))))))))).
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 08
Coool! I've been hugged by my favortie Gabs. See! I knew you were the best kind of Mum!
1 person likes this
@gunners1886 (73)
• Macedonia
18 Mar 08
gabs8513 this is the best that i have ever read at.It's so that i dont really have a words to explain!
2 people like this
@SONIA12MAN (238)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Many women today are after money. Your son had just met one of those. I don't think he has bad hobbies. When I met my boyfriend it was about cars, dirty bike, mountain vacation, camping. and you name them . I did not know about all of those I started learning to love the things he loved . I think now I'm understanding him better, because I have learn to love the things he loves. YOUR SON SURE HAD DONE GREAT THING TRYING TO HOLD ON TO THE RELATIONSHIP. I'm happy she's gone coz she will never really be able to LOVE AND DATE. He don't have to tell her you are beautiful all the time. AND YOU CAN'T MAKE SOME ONE LOST THEIR HOBBIES JUST BECAUSE OF LOVE. I have learn all the things that make my boyfriend happy and he has also done that to me. We know each other very well. I hope your son has some good luck in future coz he sounds like a real nice kid
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
18 Mar 08
Sonia thank you Sweetie and yes you are right but she has come back
I told my Son if she does and he decides to believe her that nothing happened then he is to put the Ground Rules down
I do not believe her that nothing has happened but it is not up to me but he said it will be on his terms as he will be starting his Hobbies up again
You are a lovely Person as you have accepted your Boyfriend and his Hobbies and that counts a lot
Hugs to you Girl
@SONIA12MAN (238)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Thanks it makes relationship better We don't ague over stuff. it was our first rule. he said he does not like head ache so I said if we disagreements on something we should not go banging things around just to make some one like it because it is just opinions We don't have high voices at home. When i tell my son get out o f here it is mostly with a look and he'slike mummy .... tears rolling down his eyes big ones ah ha. two years before i met him his ex girlfriend fake story she was pregnant. then took off to Canada living in his house there. first she said she needed four thousand dollars then she needed two thousand. so my boyfriend decided he will give her four and then take the two up to her himself since he has business in Canada that week. there as he open the door of his bed room she was sleeping with another guying his house on his bed. he called the police and told them to get her out. they got her and the other man out of the place.. he was so low about it another of his friend who picked him up from the air port had to offer to take him to her home coz he could not think. I have met her too and they are so alike in character she comes over often to help with stuff her boyfriend is cool and we just hang out and talk about stuff. I did not know that going to that party would put us together. one day he said I brought my baby home and pulled me to get on and meet his baby. i was thinking did you have another kid. but he said she's outside. I told my self relax be nice. then I got out to meet his baby and it is a new car!!!!!!. I was like is this your baby?uh? he said yep and he was telling me all about this car. that night he won't even sleep just talking about his new car and what his friends at work would have to say . In the morning i slept all the way to school because he offer to drive me to school. HE'S BEEN VERY HELPFUL VERY NICE. I SO PROUD OF HIM AND MY SON
1 person likes this
@KKKBsmom (1092)
• United States
18 Mar 08
You sound like a wonderful mother, and really care for you kids.
Be thankful that you have as close of relationship as you do with them!Our kids grow up and we have to let them go... they learn from their mistakes and that is what makes them better people!I truly feel your son will find the right person for him someday.
Keep a smile on your face... that is all you can do!
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Well it wasnt all that big of a sirprize to you . but then he dont know that.
and I think I told ya befoer you moved out to get rid of her.
but you were to good hearted.
Am so sad for Mike and hoping he gets on ok. Now that it looks like it is over.
and I sure hope it is I just hope he dont take her back.
and where overseas would he go to across the channel or over here?
I know this broke your heart hang in there girl hugs hugs hugs hugs
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
18 Mar 08
I know and letting go is hard.
but ya really dont ya have the phone and comps to keep in touch.
ANd maybe do him good to go and get awaay from her . If I was him I wouldnt talk any more I would just move her clothes out . Let her go stay with the other guy and stop hurting Mike!
1 person likes this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
18 Mar 08
This is one of the hardest parts of being a mom. There just does not seem to be any bandaids big enough to help a broken heart. I am glad to hear that you and your family gathered to help him and to talk with him. I am sure that alone gave him great comfort. (hug)
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Gabs, I am sorry this has taken me so long to respond to.
I am in tears for your son and you. I know your heart is broken for your sons heartache. I know your son is better off without that witch, but why does it hurt so much?
I know you did help your son just knowing you care and love him is a lot to him. As adults we learn how to get over things and this too will pass.
I hope your scan went well and your got the results you needed to find out what is wrong with you.
I know if your son works out of the country you will miss him but you did raise him and I know he is a strong and loving man. He will make good decisions.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
22 Mar 08
Thank you Sweetie I am just letting them sort it out I ring him every other Day to make sure he is ok and he seems fine
I will leave them to sort it themselves as they have to know whether they want to stay together or not
I am still waiting for the results I hope they come soon as it seems the Pain is happening more often and I am doped up with the Pain Killers
Love you Sweet
@Hatley (163773)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Mar 08
It is so hard to see your grown son in emotional pain but you are doing your best and he sees that too.lucky boy he knows how much you care. our grown sons will always be our little boys to some extent and we hurt when they do. i worry for my son and he will be fifty on his birthday it just goes with the territory as we are still their moms. He will be okay as you say because he is your son
1 person likes this
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
18 Mar 08
Hi gabs8513. maybe your son going away to start a new job is a blessing in disguise. it may be just what he needs at this point. there's no doubt that you'll miss him, but this maybe the opportunity that he needs to focuse on his life and career. and anywhere far away from the ex is a good thing for all concerned... and as mothers no matter how old our children get we still want to protect them... i hope that things continue to work out for the best.
1 person likes this
