Life or death - have you ever had to make the decision to turn off life support

Don't continue to feel guilty; you followed your father's wishes. I have never had to make that decision...yet. But it is my father's wish that he not be kept alive on life support, and my call to make when the time comes. My husband and I have also agreed that we do not want to be left indefinitely on life support. Almost a year ago, we lost one of our closest friends. He was at our house one day, appeared to be doing okay, and two days later he was in the hospital on life support. He was on chemo and an infection got ahold of him. He was on life support for five days when the doctors told his wife that he had very little chance of recovering. The chemo had totally wiped out his immune system. She made the decision to remove the life support. He lasted about five minutes. It was really hard for all of us to lose him so suddenly, but I know he is in a better place.

I did not have to give the order to discontinue life support for my father when he was on it 2 yrs ago. Like you, I had a conversation with him about it many times over, and knew that to him quality of life was more important than quantity. I knew he would want to be disconnected if there was little chance of survival for him. The closest I came to your situation, was when I had to give the DNR (do not resuscitate) order to the hospital staff, when dad was unable to do so himself. I didn't feel guilty about that at all, because again, I knew it was his wish. I am sorry that you are having difficulty moving on after having given your consent to discontinue life support. That is very touching, knowing that someone else's life was saved with the equipment. Your father would be very proud. :)

Awww Sweets You poor thing.. I can not imagine going through that oxxoxoxoxoxo

What a terrible position and decision to have to make. I really feel for you it must have been a terrible time. I have never been put in that position and really hope I never will be put in that position. I really do not know what I would do, I think that I may be a bit selfish and try and hold on to them in the hope that a miracle would happen, in the hope that it would sort itself out and I did not have to choose to let them go. I think the feelings of guilt are probably normal and I am sure that anyone who has been in the same situation as you would say the same. I really hope you can find a way to get past it, because you have nothing to feel guilty for and you did the right thing and if he stopped breathing when the machine turned off then he had already gone, but I guess that I would still wonder about it. Take care.

Aww hun I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had to decide whether to turn off a life support machine but something similar. My grandad was suffering with heart failuire and was termanly ill with it in hospital. and the doctors asked myself and my mum whether we would give consent to not restart his heart if and when it stopped. It was an awfull decision to have to make and the guilt was horrific i mean how can you make the choice to continue someones life oir to end it, We all hope for a miracle and these things you hear make you more hopeful of one and when you are faced with a decision whether to stop someones suffering or to continue with medical intervention in the hope of a miracle is an awful decision to make in the end hunni, only you can decide and you made the decision and I think your dad would be gratefull that he is no longer suffering thats how i looked at it a few months after the initial grief.

Your father was injured in a road traffic.Also he was cancer patent.You have done your efferts by heart.One of your family member had given co-opration.It was very bad there was no intensive care facility.

well i didnt hav eto have them pull the plug but had to tell them his wishes wa not to be hooked up to any thing. and tho we had talked abouut what we wanted for years I still feel that something else could have been done but it would have kept him pain and thats not what he wanted and nor do I I dont want any tubes to keep me alive if my body has already gone. no life suport here and daughter knows it.

I also did not have to give orders to pull the plug , but my mother was in a nursing home and had been ill for a few years, we had discussed what to do when the time came and she did have a d.n.r. order at the hospital, but when I got a call late one evening from the nursing home i had to make the choice of wether to send her to the er or keep her there and make her as comfortable as possible. it wasnt my choice it was hers and even tho I wasnt ready to let go I had to abide by her wishes. it has been a year and a half since we let her go in body but to this day my mind has never let go, it is a tuff thing to have to do , but i know she wasnt living a quality life and she was suffering to live daily. peace be with you and yours although it is tuff it will get better with time.

We had to do it twice in my family with in a year of each other. 1) My step-father came down with cancer and his organs were shuting down. My mom and my siblings we decided it was time to let him go. It was a little bit easier knowning that he was not going to get better. Although it was really hard because he got sick and a month later we were stopping life support. 2) My father came down with cancer and he had gone through surgery. We were in a different country than him and when we found out that he was in the hospital we left right away. The doctors told us that even though he was alert that he had little brain function. This was really hard to say stop. My older sister and I were the ones he wanted to make the decisions. My grandmother was there also. He had told us he didnt want to be on life support. I had to come home before we got the approval from the country we were in since it was against their laws to do this. But because he was a US citizen we got the ok. When I said good bye to him I SWEAR he knew who I was and he cried as I was leaving. (My father and I were really close and I was his baby.) When my sister put in the orders, my grandmother called her a murderer. This was really hard on my sister since she was only doing what we had promised my father we would do. And all the decisions were made by both of us. I dont know how you make these decisions without feeling guilty. Its like you are the one who is killing that person and that is a really hard decision. I am not saying that the feeling goes away but it does get a little bit easier. I am sooooo sorry for your loss!