will you stay in a relationship that has more pain than joy?

Love sometimes forbids people to decide what they ought to do. They see all the wrongs in the relationship, it's flaws, and all, but they choose not see it, they choose to stay. Love is Hope. That is what your friend is feeling right now, I guess she just loves the man so much, that she can't think of leaving him at all. She has a loving heart, hoping that one day, the man will wake up realizing his mistakes, the man- ready to make it up to her and to their child. So I think the answer on your question lies on "HOW MUCH" we can still take the situation. Because for me, if WE CAN STILL BEAR IT, OUT OF LOVE, WE STAY... But if we reach our Heart's saturation point, even if we still LOVE, if we can't bear it anymore, we leave... Soon enough your friend will see her better days, She can suffer for 40 days and 40 nights more, but 1 thing is certain, she will not suffer forever. Tell her that...

The truth is that it is stupid but when one falls into such a situation it seems as if the senses shut down. While I would be strong enough to walk away, as I would not take kindly to being forced to live as a lesser person than I am meant to be, there regretably are those who are not.

love always makes people,esp. women,blind and that is an universal knowledge. when pain overweigh joy,everyone knows it is the high time to give up the relationship,except the one in love. i think it is really complicated and difficult to say something right or do something which will hurt your friend and which you think it is good for her. maybe it's silly to stay in that relationship but i think maybe your friend reckon her husbond will change someday before she's worn out.

Being in that kind of relationship myself I would have to say yes but it is hard to leave because of your wedding vows. Also, if you don't have a good paying job you need his income too. How can she support herself and her child on her own? She certainly wouldn't want to leave her child with him. What if the court says he gets the children cuz he makes more money to take care of the kids? I've stayed this long cuz I'm afraid of what if I have to leave my son with him. But if I was making good money the husband would ask me for alimony. I really want to leave my husband because of everything I put up with and am very unhappy but I don't make enough money to live on my own with my son. My husband would work under the table in order not to have an income to pay me child support or alimony. I would like for all the women wanting to leave their husbands to get together and support each other. Some of us could work to pay the bills and some of us can stay at home with the small babies. The best thing is we wouldn't have to be caregiver to a grown man who acts as irresponsible as one of our own children.

its kinda hard but it worth a relationship. for me loving someone is loving the pain and joy that the 2 of you bring. well i dont read your discussion so i dont relate but i relate on the title. i just dont like reading too much. kinda boring.

I would not call it stupidity, I guess your friend really loves her husband and values the sanctity of their marriage. Maybe she is still hoping that someday her husband would change. Personally after reading her story above, I would say to her, leave your husband because enough is enough. You are right that the children are the losers in this type of relationship. I just hope that your friend's husband would realize his doings and for your friend to be enlightened as well regarding the situation.

If I were you, I would talk to her. Maybe she thinks she has no way out which according to your post she does - staying with you. For myself, I would never stay in that sort of relationship, and I don't understand women or men who do. I was brought up better than that.

I'd like to share with you this quotation from my mentor, President Daisaku Ikeda of SGI. "We can lose ourselves in romantic attachment, but the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. As long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable no matter where or to whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation."

Being in such kind of relationship is truly not worth it as I can say. Being in love doesn't have to be bearing all the hardships and sufferings when it is too much. It always has an exception especially when you're not feeling good about the relationship you're in. I think you should always put into consideration the situation and also if that is still healthy enough for you to stay and save what is still left for the sake of your relationship. perhaps, your friend has her own reason why she can't leave her husband. anyway you look at it, it's still your friend who can do something in order for her situation to get better. she should also try to think of transforming her negative situation into positive. you can always help her through sending prayers and encouraging her to be strong and not lose hope. always stay by her side and give her guidance that she is the only one who can make changes to her life. she can choose to be happy, and if that's the case, she can do it definitely.

It is stupidity to stay with that man, maybe she just dont have anywhere to go or any means to support her kid if she leaves that guy. But she really has to. I won't stay in a relationship that I know that will cause me pain. Pain makes your self-esteem lower and it makes you pathetic, sad and miserable. If abused mentally or emotionally, that's a ground for a divorce, it's to mean to say that but men shouldn't treat their wives like that. And just think what will the effects of him being that way to the kid, it's not good. Tell your friend not to think about it, she needs to leave him.

Love can change people,mostly girls dont care anything,we just continue loving.For me Its better to let that love go than to be hurt always,I know It is very difficult but later on she can move on.And find another guy who loves her morethan she love him.

nope. regardless of how i feel about a person, if theyre going to hurt me? they dont care about me, and nothing i do, say, or feel will change that. and i dont wanna be with someone tht doesnt care. its pointless

nope i wouldn't stay, why take the abuse when i can leave. Personally i think she should consider what is best for her child. i wouldnt want my child to grow up thinking this is the way to treat women plus emotinal and mental problems later on in life. Life is hard without adding unecessary pain to it.

Women always be hurt,so we need more courage to live better than before.

love can make the mind stop thinking. i hope your friend realizes that she owes herself & her kids peace and happiness. although you're right you have no right to meddle, but i guess you'll just have to talk some senses into her, and be by her side during her hard times. maybe then she'll realize that you care about her a lot and is not just plain meddling.

Pain and joy in a relationship are the creation of persons. In any relationship, both persons have to adjust to each other's needs and expectations. Here personal egos should not matter. I am sorry to read about your friend. You call the man her partner. Are they not married? What sort of relationship she is having with him? I do not know what should be my answer as I am confused about their relationship. However, I wish your friend all happiness. May the God be on her side.

If the relationship is becoming unhealthy for both parties and they don't benefit from it then it's better to call it quits. But if both parties are willing to take one and final chance to save the relationship then go ahead. As long as both of you see that there is hope. Otherwise, no need to waste another time and effort.

no i sure wouldnt

Hi there! Really? wow i can't imagine how your friend could survive in that situatio of her marriage. Why not give advices to her and let her know the reality. Discuss to her the results of their situation and of course the most affected person in the end. But shes really strong and martyr i mean she has the guts or the hope to stay in thier relationship hoping that someday, somehow her husband woud change into better person. However, she dont have to hope or wait for that time before anything would happen to her life or her kids life. Anyway, we will just hope and pray that she will discover or wake up into reality of thier marriage but the most important of all are her kids. Hope she could do anything before her kids will suffer the results that her husband made that might brought the kids into something stupid in thier life.

I used to think that women who stayed with that kind of man were stupid, but since I married a man just like that, I can understand why they stay. My husband was a drunk and he was very mean, but I loved him. He offered me the security of marriage (or a relationship) and he was a good guy sometimes. It got to the point, though, that I just couldn't take it anymore. So I left. The funny thing is, when I left, I was driving away and crying so hard I could hardly see the road. I was afraid to go back because he would be furious, but I was also afraid of my life without him. Relationships are funny things, sometimes fear is the basis. That's really sad, but it really is true.