Would you go out on a date with someone...
By Artemeis
@artemeis (4194)
China
March 24, 2008 7:41am CST
Would you go out on a date with someone...whom you don't have feelings for?
It is not that you dislike the person, but it's just simply you do not have the feelings for him and that you just have a premonition that things just would not work out for the both of us. Do you have this kind of feeling(s) before? Care to share?
4 people like this
18 responses
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Thank you for your concern.
I am grateful for all the response here. But right now I do not think he will go to the extent of harming me and I hate to imagine if the possibility is true as what you said here.
I suppose we can never know right?
Anyway, thanks again for your response and dropping by.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
25 Mar 08
I have dated many men that I do not have feelings for. They are called blind dates, pay dates, one-time only dates, or pity dates. These kind of dates can be meaningless and are harmless. Quite frankly, you can date anyone, even if you do not have feelings for them, because dates are for meeting someone and just getting to know them, now a romantic date is a date that you go on with someone you love or have a real interest in. Ever since I have met my boyfriend, I go on plenty of romantic dates. We go out for dinner (cheap ones mostly, we do not have money to afford the big stuff), movies, a concert, coffee, the comic books store (we are both kids at heart), and places that mean a lot to the both of us.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
27 Mar 08
Yes, the blind dates, pay dates, one-times only dates, or pity dates, are really just that, one time dates. And they are meant to just meet that person and see if you have any interest in them, but majority of the time, there is no love at all in the one time dates. The romantic dates are where the love is. Another dating method I meant to mention is the speed dates. Those are where you only date the person for 15 minutes or less and move on to another person on the same night, these are the kind of dates that a lot of people in my area (the Los Angeles County Area) go on.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
27 Mar 08
rougue,
Wow, sounds like you are attending those dating agency activities. Seems fun and interesting to me but we do not have them back here where I am. Anyway, my problem is one that is having those individuals from your one time dates coming back and persistently seek your approval to let him further a relationship with him. He is my ex-colleague and not someone I know from a dating agency, just in case you misunderstand my point here. Ha Ha. I am not sure if you have ever encountered such experience or not. If you have I think you will know what I mean. Just like to hear how you dealt with such individual and incident here. ::Pat:: ::Pat::
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
27 Mar 08
I see where you are coming from, and I'd just like to mention here that your blind dates, pay dates, one-time only dates and pity dates are all one time, plainly no string attached and most of the time no continuance type. I do not think that you will have another date with those dates unless you have feelings attached to a certain individual. Like your present boyfriend, which sad to say is not or rather has not happen on my shift (ha ha).
Well, I do wish the both of you well and I thank you for dropping by and response. Take care.
1 person likes this
@rohit0471 (195)
• India
27 Mar 08
date is when you find a person interesting and you would like to know more about him.... so i think some special feelings will be there for the person, before going out on the date itself...
@artemeis (4194)
• China
11 Apr 08
I think all being fair and square, there will definitely be a repeat if we are interested in the other party. However, as my discussion is about when we do not have feelings for the other party but the other party is just persistent with his/her pursuance. I am sure you will definitely want to communicate exactly on the position between the both parties so as there will not be any misunderstanding and misleadings.
Do thank you for dropping by here.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
24 Mar 08
I would not as I would not want to mislead the other party that I have feelings for her. I felt that sometimes we need to be firm and responsible. Humans do have a fragile side and frail feelings. I'd rather make a stance and let the other party understand that I would rather be on casual terms than to convey a wrong message.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Hi Sky,
Thanks for reading and your reassurance.
I know you are with me on this and at this time I will be as persistent as him with my stance. By the way, this is a great site and I am beginning to feel at home already. I am having my hands full now but I will be posting more actively once I get settled down at this new work place. Hope all's well with you at your end, how's that tintin dog of yours? Still chewing on you? I just think he's just getting gibberish probably early meno ha ha.
Anyway, you take care and best wishes.
Thanks for dropping by.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
26 Mar 08
Art,
You know that I will always stand by you - provided you are right of course. Ha Ha. I suppose that is what friends are for, right?
Anyway, I am glad that you are enjoying yourself here on Mylot and I hope that you will be able to earn the money too. I have yet to earn myself here but I think this is not a scam and should be true as what so many members have shared in their posts here.
Just take your time, take care and post more!!!
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
24 Mar 08
I've done that; gone out on dates with men I didn't have those "feelings" for. What better way to find out if you do or not, right? 
I wouldn't continue dating someone once I realized I didn't have feelings for them, no matter how well we got along. I tried that recently, and found that I just can't do it. If those "feelings" aren't there from the get go, then for me, they just aren't going to happen. It was a bit of a shame really, because this man and I got along famously, and he would've done good by me, no doubt. But I couldn't keep it up, it wasn't fair to him to continue dating, knowing he had those feelings for me, and I couldn't reciprocate. In our situation, we did not maintain a friendship, because we weren't on the same page at the breakup; not in the same mindset about each other. And as I'd told him from the very beginning, "I already have more than enough friends, I'm not looking for another one".
I wouldn't continue dating someone once I realized I didn't have feelings for them, no matter how well we got along. I tried that recently, and found that I just can't do it. If those "feelings" aren't there from the get go, then for me, they just aren't going to happen. It was a bit of a shame really, because this man and I got along famously, and he would've done good by me, no doubt. But I couldn't keep it up, it wasn't fair to him to continue dating, knowing he had those feelings for me, and I couldn't reciprocate. In our situation, we did not maintain a friendship, because we weren't on the same page at the breakup; not in the same mindset about each other. And as I'd told him from the very beginning, "I already have more than enough friends, I'm not looking for another one".1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
25 Mar 08
I was open with this man from the beginning, telling him that I was trying something new with him, and taking things slow. The relationship I had been in before him was far too speedy, and ended abruptly. So I thought I'd try the other extreme. Turns out that for me, the taking things slow just won't work (as far as seeing if that "spark" and chemistry grows).
Talk to this man, and be honest about where you're at, if you haven't already. If he cannot handle being "just friends" with you, then you are best to end things now. He'll hurt, yes, but he'll hurt more if you prolong it. You already know he's not "the one".
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
27 Mar 08
Thank you for your reassurance.
Your latest response has also given me a slight insight of what is to happen and expect. I suppose that is an awakening fact and possibility which I do not want to happen here. As I have said and advocated strongly that I rather have a friend here than not. However, I must admit that it is not my say alone in certain situations like these and I just can hope for the best now.
Anyway, I am thankful for your response and I am awarding you with the best response here. Take care.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
I sure hope that it would not have to be a drastic conclusion as you had with your former friend. I suppose he was equally as persistent as mine here when the both of you were together. One side wants a more serious relationship and poor plain Jane me just wanna casual relationship.
I simply could not understand men sometimes are they so difficult as to understand the word no and then move on. I mean I feel comfortable being a casual friend with him but other than that I just don't feel like we have the chemistry. I sure hate for this friendship to end but I know that if I do take this drastic action, it will be the better for the both of us.
Thank you so much as your post here had opened my mind towards another perspective on the conclusion between the both of us.
Have a pleasant day.
1 person likes this
@janujennifer (664)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
I would date him, yes, but before we call it a night, I will tell him not to expect too much from the date and I hope that he would understand that I only just wanna be friends with him.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
11 Apr 08
Basically, I do not find a problem communicating my thoughts. It is the receptiveness and perception I am worried about, for such is the complexities of a human heart and mind.
Anyway, I am thankful for your response here and wish you success in your relationship as well.
@tinapay (39)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
i assume you're pertaining to the other person having feelings towards you? well if that's the case, if i were in that situation, my answer will be no. simply because i don't want him to have false hope that eventually we'll develop into something deeper other than friendship. but if he's just a guy friend, no emotional feelings attached, then that will be ok - that is to go on a date. as what they called it, its only a "friendly date".
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Yes, that is what the other party is having now. Even though I had repeatedly told him of my decision. I would not mind being a casual friend with him however, it just doesn't get to him and he is ever persistent.
I do not harbor any hard feelings neither good feelings to go into a relationship with him. I just do not have the feel and wanting to be with him. I do admire his persistence and optimism but I just felt that he is plainly wasting his time if you know what I mean. As a friend, I really hoped that he will be able to find someone else with a chemistry for him.
I am just at my wits end as to when the idea will finally get across to him as I do not want to be the hard to get here.
Thank you for your reply ::HUGS::
@HawaiiGopher (1009)
• Belgium
24 Mar 08
Wouldn't that defy the whole meaning of the term 'date'? :P
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Well, IMO at least not for me, although I cannot speak for the other party here.
So, I just wish that sometimes people will not be too foolish with their resolve and make a fool of themselves as a result. I am trying to avoid leading him on but he just isn't getting the message into his head at his end.
I am not sure what you will do at your end if you are in my shoes. But for me, I will just resolve in my stance and avoid his invitation till he gets the message.
Anyway, thanks for your response though. ::PAT PAT::
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
24 Mar 08
Personally I feel a date is just that "a date" and you don't have to have any feelings for the person. It's always nice to just go out and have a good time. You never know, you might find something you like in the person.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Sometimes I just do not understand guys, I mean I had already expressed myself that I am only interested on being casual but it just seems like falling on deaf ears.
Here, people's tongues will always start waggling here and there and I just would not like to put him or myself in an unpleasant situation.
Thanks for your response.
@ciades (1623)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
Honestly its hardly for me to go date with someone that i dont like especially to strangers.. Except if it is group date. Its for me and its depend also to the person i have to date with. What i mean is if i can see he has a good intention. But i can feel something bad will be happened. Better not to.
1 person likes this
@sophiasmom911 (1345)
• United States
24 Mar 08
If I'm not interested in the person then it isnt a date , its going out as friends. I've had people want to go out on dates with me but the feeling wasnt mutual or I didnt feel comfortrable so i just didnt go. I think it would be pointless.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
Same as me, I do have that same thinking as you.
Your response is really reassuring for at least I know that there's someone who is on the same side of the fence. But is the other side very persistent like mine here?
Sometimes I can get very frustrated and exhausted with such individual. Nothing seems to get through his head that I would not want to have a serious relationship with him. I am sociable to be able to accept him as a casual friend but he just would not accept. Haizzzz
Anyway, I am grateful to have your response. Thanks and have a nice day.
@Dest274 (100)
• United States
24 Mar 08
you know i have i never really went out on a date in my life but like talk and road in a car chilled at somebody house yeah i have i mean i messed around with a guy that i had no feeling for at all we kicked it you know had a little relations and it ended up bad because we didnt like each other like that and he didnt care about my feeling and i didnt care about his so we ended up bad a disagreement broke out
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
I see, so as you had experienced how it is to be in a relationship with a person whom you do not have feelings for - it is simply painful and certainly a waste of time on both parties. I had always told and encouraged the other half that he has someone more deserving out there waiting for him and to stop wasting his time and efforts on the "false" prospect between the both of us. I just do not have the feel here you see? But it seems like my words have fallen on deaf ears, which brings me to decide not to go out on any date with him - for the time being that is.
I hope that you will be able to have a date soon and with someone whom you will have feelings for. Just be positive that your time will come and take care.
Thanks for sharing here.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
As for me, I already know what is on his mind. So, I just want him to focus his efforts on another girl instead of me. I am just feeling that we can only be casual friends and nothing beyond. It is only the other party isn't picking up the message and is still pursuing blindly.
::Shaking my head::
So what can I do? But to just stay where I am and refuse his invitations for now. Lest you have a better idea.
Thanks again.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
i dont know.. i guess i wont be spending time with someone or try to get to know someone i have no interest at all..
its really a waste of time doing that if i know that it will never work out at all.. of course i wont put efforts in it...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Mar 08
No, I probably would not. Actually, I know that I would not. If I knew someone liked me enough to ask me out then to me accepting would be like leading them on and that is not fair to the other person. The only time I'll go out on anything resembling a "date" with someone that I have no feelings for is if it is established clearly beforehand that we are going just as friends. Even then, I have found that will give some false hope.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
27 Mar 08
Thank you for your reassuring response.
Yours is quite similar with mine. For me I am drawing the line and putting my foot down here as my words are falling on deaf ears to the other party. It is just wishful thinking on his part, I felt that he could have used his effort and time seeking out other women. It is just wasteful of him.
Anyway, it is reassuring here and thank you again for dropping by. ;-)
