Is it advice or plain old interfering?

when it comes to in laws, we always perceive it as interfering. but when it comes to our parents, we take it as an advice. maybe it's because we welcome words more from our family? but i think, from a mother's point of view (my son is only nine, i'll be a mother in law hopefully after 20yrs -haha!), parents only want the best for their children and grandchildren. their advice can be followed or can serve as a guide for us to be better parents.

We get along pretty well. I come to her for a lot of advice about the baby, finances stuff like that. But I'm also young I'm 22 so their is a lot that I'm still learning about so I like the helpful advice, at the sametime I can see how this could easisly get on someones nerves, and if you dont like it I think you should stand up for yourself and say you appreciate the nice advice, but to tone it down a notch. I'd tell my husband first that I was going to do that. or maybe the husband could talk to his mother.

Whoever, may it be his mom or my mom, they all sort of like that, teaching us how to do it the way they did it, but it's all up to us. As for me, if I find the thing she's telling me favorable to me, then be it, else, it would be my way. What I don't like is, interfering while I am in the process of teaching my children or correcting their mistakes. The children will think that I am wrong and their grandma is right, then the children will be spoiled by her.

I'm like you in that I don't like others interfering so directly with the way that I do my parenting. I figure that the other person has not been there for all the hard times and has not earned the right to know what's best for my child. Having been there from day one, only I know what she needs most. Like your idea about nodding and agreeing. Still leaves you plenty of room to do what you want later when they are not around.

I am so lucky with my mother in law. She is 67 and I am 27 so she know that the way she did it 33 years ago and now its not the same. She always said you know best you read books you see your doctor and the little one is doing great so you must be doing the right things. And when other people were giving me "advice" she would put them in their places. I love that women.

kezabelle i lucked out as my mother in law lived in another state and I never saw her that much. But my own mom could at times drive me into a hissy fit as she seemed to think I wsas still just a kid and would say, thats not how I taught you or are you sure you should do that, and I would just smile and say yes mom I am sure, and think, things have changed since i was a toddler and yes I do know how to care for my own babies. I loved my mom dearly but sometimes I wanted to say, hey I am all grown up now mom.

It's frustrating sometimes when their "advice" turns into "demands," "commands," and "insults." I just say I'll think about it or say maybe and try to let it go. But sometimes it does get really annoying and frustrating. Hang in there. It's family! Their intentions are hopefully for the best.

I'm lucky, my mil lives on the west coast while I live in Tennessee. Plus she doesn't call all the time, honestly we have to call her. I never really had to deal with the mil types that trys to put their 10 cents in every time something happens. Best thing for you to do is learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. Just say uh huh, every few minutes to show that your listening, eventhough your thinking what are we going to be having for dinner tonight. This works with your partner rambling on about work or something you honestly don't care about. Just remember to say uh huh, yes, I know, and I agree, to let them think your listening, .

My mother in law was not educated and most of the time she was only interfering and her advice was of no use. But since we are brought up with the culture to respect our in- laws, I did let her play on me. now after 25 years with my mother in law, I have realised my mistakes. I could have taken many right decisions in past if I would have used my brains....lol..........it is too late now.......so for girls who are going to get married and will have to live with their mother in laws ....I will advice to use your brains and always make judgment on the basis of what is right and not let go just because you have to respect someone.Nice discussion dear.But now I am angry at myself

It's interfering most of the time. I think some family members do not think they are interfering and mean well. Others think you are flat out wrong if you parent differently. Most of my family knows to not interfere (I'm kind of a witch lol), so they keep out of it. Most of the time they want me to spank (but then comment on how well behaved he is), feed him more junk food (yeah they don't have to deal with mr.hyper), or think he's too spoiled (yet they keep buying him stuff!). I think everyone goes through this. I remember hearing my mom whine about her mom and mother in law!

for me, they really are interfering but to show respect, I just keep quiet and ask my husband his opinion and so he can tell her

I can't say that I am lucky because I don't have my mom-in-law here for I know it would be better if she is with us so I would have someone to help me look after my kids. You mom-in-law might only be power-tripping on you if she would say outright that you are wrong instead of saying that things might be done better in her way. You are right that what they had then to their children, though it did not harm their kids, are proven to be a mistake (such as putting powder or oils to the newborn baby, belting the baby, putting ointment in the afternoon, etc.)

I was very lucky because my motherin law lived in Washington state and we lived in Arizona so had no problems at all. but my dear mom at times made up for it. I guess to her I was not a thirtyone year old mom but her ten year old baby as she gave me a lot more advice than I really needed but she was sweet withit and helped in so many ways I did not have the heart to fight with her at all.

my in laws are not here, they are working abroad. i don't know if im lucky because of that. but when i delivered my son, my mother in law came to help me with my baby. she was not really that fuzzy over things, we get along just fine. i take her all her advices as advices. sometimes i even listen to her than my mom because my was not a full time housewife, while she raised all her son by herself.

I have seen and heard there are lots of intense or argument between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Honestly, I was warned before getting married. But to my surprise, my mother-in-law is a nice lady, who never curious; bossing around or interfering. Sometimes she will advise me what I should do in a nice way, but most of the times she prefer to tell my husband so that I can get the right message via my hubby. And she quite justifies as well. She will criticise her son if it is her son’s fault. For me, she rather keeps quiet. I have been with my hubby for than 9 years, my mother-in-law earns the respect and trust from me and the rest of the family. I know I am quite lucky to have this mother-in-law who keeps the family together happily.

I was like you with my mom in law. I have since divorced her son. It has been over 15 years and she is still a very good friend of mine and a wonderful gram. She has always offered up her advise but never ever has she been pushy.

ITs a little bit interfering coz it seems she faces you that you dont know how to do things for your kids. But its a matter how she delivered it. There are some mother inlaw know how to relate with there daughter inlaw. But im glad she also realized that there also something wrong about what she did. For me i think its normal to feel that way. Especially if you are not that close. ITs had a different feeling.

I never had a problem with our in-laws interfering (May they rest in peace), but our problem is my stepmom. She means well, really she does. But she pushes too far and too hard. She wants to know everything and has advice for everyone. After 13 years she's only just starting to get the clue that my husband and I don't appreciate her prying into our personal or financial lives.

You are not alone. When my son was born his grandma (she's not my in law anymore) had an asnwer for everything! If he cried she magically knew what on earth was wrong with him. Did she read babies minds??? If I was going to go out with him... Make sure this, and make sure that. All I heard was when my son.. and when I had.. and I used to..Lady stop! She would make me soooo mad sometimes. I remember my son was real cranky and I couldn't get him to calm down so guess who comes to the rescue??? you guessed it! She got him to calm down but I was in tears because I thought she was secretly enjoying torturing me. But...as days went by I realized she really was trying to help but unfortunately she made me feel extra small everytime she put her two cents. I know in-laws are older and therefore much wiser, but they should let us make our own mistakes and let us deal with OUR kids. They had their chance let us have ours and enjoy our kids.

It's a funny situation with my mother-in-law. One moment she's brill and understanding, the next minute she's telling me she won't let me feed my child chocolate. I have no intention of feeding my eight month old chocolate but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't need permission from her! I think in-laws are designed to be negative. After all they don't really know you and you're raising their grandchildren, so negative until proven wrong seems the way to go. I can kind of understand it but that doesn't mean I like it! However I do have a very criticising Grandmother and I have to admit I just kind of let her get on with it. If they want to moan let them moan, it's themselves they're making miserble. Just do things your way and ignore it.