Is It Possible To Get Addicted To Sympathy?
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
March 24, 2008 1:57pm CST
Each and everyone of us goes through bad times in our lifes and it's our friends, family and loved ones that help get us through, our children can be the reason why we have to remain strong and tenacious to survive and to move on.
We all need sympathy in some shape or form and it's how we deal with sympathy and our views on sympathy that helps us deal with our bad times and problems.
But can you get addicted to sympathy? Do you thrive on it, do you feel sorry for yourself hoping that someone will give you bucketloads of sympathy to make you feel good, like a drug, and then you find yourself needing more and more sympathy?
Or do you hate receiving sympathy or hate giving sympathy wishing you could say oh for gawd sake snap out of it or stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I was told that now I have longterm counseling I would get addictive to it and it's like getting sympathy each week and the only person who could help me in life is myself NO one else. No one should be giving me sympathy I have to be strong enough to deal with life myself
That sounds hard but it's the truth isn't it. All the while I rely on support, sympathy from others I am not getting any better am I?
He also said I was wallowing in my own grief and self pity and said I'll be in the same situation a year or two from now and unless I quit the counselor I will never make any improvement.
So is it possible to get addicted to sympathy
What is your take on sympathy, how does it affect you?
10 people like this
26 responses
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
24 Mar 08
Wolfie, if your therapist is worth his/her salt, they will encourage you to cut back on your therapy, but ONLY WHEN YOU'RE READY! You'll know when that is, and so will they, and probably much before you. There isn't a time limit on healing. But there will come a time when you'll want to be strong enough to stand on your own and you'll feel capable of dealing with your life without your therapy. It will be a bit scary, but you'll be ready for it, and as well as being scary, it'll be exciting too. But clearly, you're not there yet, so keep with your therapy, and talk to him/her about a goal geared towards being able to stop or cut considerably back your therapy. They'll talk to you about it, darlin, they do have your best interests at heart, after all. And you're not addicted to sympathy either. You just need it right now, and it feels right, so go for it, darlin, it helps heal us, sorts us out.
You're so terrific, Wolfie, you just overanalyze stuff too much, I think. Just keep with the therapy and remember you're loved. And with that, I am off to meet my hubs for cocktails. Later, alligator!! XXXXXXXX
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
25 Mar 08
Thank you Wolfie,it's lovely to hear that you think I'm perceptive. I'm definitely empathetic, and I seem to have a good sense for what is behind the words sometimes, but you really express yourself so well, you get your point across quite clearly.
I just want to know that you're going to continue with your therapy. If you're going to be able to stand on your own, you have to be ready to do it and if you leave therapy too early, it will be self-defeating. Please tell me that you're going to continue, Wolfie.
Hey, the next full moon is April 20, which happens to be my 12th wedding anniversary, so I'm expecting a howling good time that night, darlin! I'll be listening for you, too - we'll harmonize. Love ya, Wolfie. Please be as good to yourself as you would be to someone else.
2 people like this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
24 Mar 08
I think we all get addicted to something, dear Wolfie. You don't need sympathy from me because you can have all the attention you want. Just remember I'm the princess here. lol Everyone loves you Wolfie. As far as me I don't like to receive sympathy but I do give a lot of it. I get my attention other ways. My favorite way is by calling attention to people who dont get me attention. lol Hugs to my favorite Wolfie. Dont worry too much about what that big bad mean counselor told you. Everyone here loves you :)
@nannacroc (4049)
•
24 Mar 08
I think some people spend their lives feeling sorry for themselves and trying for sympathy from others. Sympathy rarely does anyone any good. Empathy is what's needed and in some cases honesty from loved ones. We all need help to deal with the things life throws at us but sometimes it helps if someone uses ths 'cruel to be kind' approach.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
24 Mar 08
I am sorry Sweetie I disagree with that
Everyone needs someone and needs sympathy as that will boost the Person and also helps them
I can not see anyone getting addicted to it what he is saying is that you are playing on Peoples emotions and that is rubbish
Sorry Sweetheart a lot might disagree with me but that is my opinion xxx
@mummymo (23706)
•
25 Mar 08
I wish i knew which Genius told you to quit the counseling! Tell him to go fornicate with himself - sorry but that is polite as i can get! i suppose it is possible to satart becoming reliant but EVERYONE needs support and sympathy at some point in their lives! I don;t think either of us are addicted to sympathy and I think the person who told you this must be very self contained and not very sociable! xxx
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Mar 08
People are complex beings Wolfie. They can get addicted to anything. Even sympathy. Any attention is better than none right? Our ego's, our super ego's, our id's, they all play a part in how our brains work and what our reactions to different triggers are. Our sense of ourself comes from our self-esteem and unfortunately that is often lacking. But I know exactly what you are talking about, because really, in the end, the choices we make are ours alone if we are to be successful as individuals. I don't mind sympathy when it's warrented, but too much of it makes me want to reach out and slap someone. I guess I have strong super-ego. lol
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
24 Mar 08
My ego has taken a terrible beating over the last xx years my friend and I analyze stuff too much and what I churn out is negativity and I can't train my brain to absorb positivity like a sponge for a change xxx Complex, you got it right there my friend ;0)
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Mar 08
I think wolfie you have to first convince yourself that you are worth positivity. It takes time to retrain a brain you know. But the first step is convincing yourself you're worth it. I think dear wolfie you have a self esteem problem so it's going to be hard, but I know from experience, it can be done. You have to learn to think outward, analyze less, and not take yourself so seriously. My thoughts are with you dear friend.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
25 Mar 08
I am a counsellor but training and I tell you know I do not believe it is a good thing to have counselling long term.
It makes the client dependent upon the counsellor and the role of the counsellor is to help the client become self reliant
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
24 Mar 08
I don't know. I guess you could get addicted to it. Sometimes
you just need someone to listen for awhile. I saw a therapist one time. I got a lot off my chest that I couldn't talk to anyone else about. Then after a session or 2 I was ready to move on.
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
24 Mar 08
sympathy is fine in its place, but I have trouble with those who live there whole life around it , say the kid who had a ruff life growing up so he wants to continue to get sympathy from everyone as an adult instead of makeing things better for himself. I know people who whollow in self pitty and to them I say grow up ,but now if your getting help for your problem your on the right track keep up the good work my friend.
1 person likes this
@LauraElrod (418)
• United States
24 Mar 08
wow great thoughts well yes i would think one can be but don't we all have times when we need someone shoulder? and no i would say don't quit. we all have to work on are selfs.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4344)
• Australia
25 Mar 08
wolfie i can accept sympathy in small doses when you know it is sincere but i definately hate it when its not.i recently lost my ex-husband in october of last year,my sons father,well after a while i got sick of the sympathy wishes as i had to be strong for my son.i would rather some-one tell a funny story about glenn than saying how sorry they were and making me feel more depressed.i suppose i just don't thrive on sympathy that much,i sort to want to get on with life and have pleasant memories.i hope this makes sense.cheers sue
1 person likes this
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
25 Mar 08
When you are feeling down, it feels good to get sympathy, so I guess, yes, you can get addicted to it. There is a disorder (sorry, I forget what it's called) where people actually Create situations to get attention and sympathy from others. I have even heard of people abusing their children, and maybe not even remembering doing it, in order to get sympathy for all the problems they have. It is a very serious illness.
But most people, I think, just like the feeling of someone understanding and showing sympathy. Depending on the situation, and an individual's personality, I would say that 'quitting' the sympathy and 'sucking it up' so to speak, could be a good thing. I don't mean to sound cold, but sometimes that is the best thing. Only you can decide that for you.
@madlees (1377)
• India
25 Mar 08
Dear wolfie,
Sympathy is addictive. I have seen it. I don't know why, I hate sympathies particularly consolation. I always seem to think they are just superfuous and no one means what they say. Or maybe they are my worst experiences.
When you start getting attentions you start getting conscious of them and expect them more and more. I don't want to because Idon't believe them. Sometimes these consolations make me cry, I get more upset from them. That's why I don't like them. Attention is enough for me, neither sympathies!!! nor consolation..
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
10 Oct 10
Well even i was same, but later i realised crying over problems is not going to make any change. Rather, i decided to fight against problems and now i feel great.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Mar 08
If it's possible to get addicted to sympathy then it's possible to get addicted to love and support.
Our loved ones, friends and family, should be there for us and tell us what we need to hear. If they don't then they are ignorant of all the facts or they are not caring enough to give it to you straight. Being needy and feeling sorry for yourself can be a bit of a wake up call and show you who truly cares about you.
Even when we are being at our most unloveable we need people...then more than ever probably. Sometimes when we are lost or drowning we need our friends to hold us up and help us to safety or to help us find the right path. It's up to us then. But sometimes we are actually on our own because our friends don't have a clue or don't really care, they are just patronising us or full of BS to make themselves feel good. Friendship and love are overrated from where I'm sitting mate.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Hi Wolfie I would have to say as long as you are learning from what you get you are doing OK it is when you mood is dependent on you getting sympathy or help or what ever. knowledge feeds the mind sympathy only feeds the heart, and we need more knowledge than a full heart. as for counseling I honesty believe you will gain from that rather than use it to feed a need. This is sort of like the mentally ill believe that only sick people need medication and if you do not use medication you are not ill. As I said as long as you are improving your out look on life that go with it, if it is only filling a need to feel better than re think where you are at
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
Sympathy is a natural feeling for those who have a big heart. Usually, it is just being felt without being conscious about it. Addiction? Maybe if you are the one with a big heart to help and be there for someone for always.
@creative_genius (992)
•
7 Apr 08
It does sound like you have turned a corner in identifying that you are wallowing in your own grief. Now you know that you need to move on, you can now start planning how. I know of people who don't realise that are addicted to sympathy, and carry on doing it and create circumstances to get the attention they crave. You must have heard of parents pretending their child has a terminal illness to gain sympathy.
I totally believe that if you keep yourself busy, fill your life with happy people and do things that make you feel fulfilled than you will feel better. Personally I'd choose empathy and no-nonsense advice over sympathy anyday. I need something constructive to work with to solve my problem rather than someone patting me on the head making me feel more sorry for myself!
