Why Is It So Hard To Accept A Compliment
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
March 24, 2008 4:59pm CST
Ok here is two different scenarios I want you to tell me HONESTLY which one you thought about more in your response please.
First scenario
After trying to get a guys number you find that the guy has given it to you reluctantly and when you see him again he tells you he's doesn't want you chasing him and that you are unattractive and is very hurtful towards you
Second scenario
You meet a guy who is being friendly to you and you say Hello Richard and he replies Hello beautiful...
Ok, your response please, which will you dwell on analyze or think about more, scenario 1 or 2?
For me I would be dwelling on scenario one and I would be truly hurt, the guy telling me I was unattractive would hurt me and would really upset me because all my life I have been told I am unattractive
However scenario two I wouldn't even accept, it's a compliment it's a positive compliment but why do I find it so hard to swallow, to accept or to make me feel good? I just cast it aside, I don't give it another thought
YET! I will dwell over the negative and the positive is forgotten
So why do we find it sooooooooooooo hard to accept compliments
And so easy to dwell on the negatives?
9 people like this
25 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
24 Mar 08
Sweetie first of all you are not unattractive at all
Like you I would dwell on the first one
People here who have seen my Photo have told me I am beautiful gorgeous you name it but I do not see myself like that at all specially being told for a few Years that no one else would ever have me because I am fat and that my Body is ruined from having my Children i.e Stretch marks I believed the Ex
I do have a great Man now loving caring who says he loves my Body even with the couple of Marks from Childbirth and I always wonder why, he also tells me I am lovely inside and out but how can I be I failed a marriage, Ex Husband always told me I am no one special
So you see like you I have always believed the the bad things about me and it is hard for me now to accept the Compliments
Love you Sweetie xxxx
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
24 Mar 08
The first scenario would stay with me more for sure, I would be gutted if that happened to me, actually it has happened to me, many moons ago though now. It does hurt and it stays with you much longer than when anyone says anything nice. I dont actually know why we do that, but you are very very right in what you say.
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Hey my friend when your constantly being told your ugly or no good we tend to believe it. And your neither of those. You must be positive about yourself. I see you as a very kind caring person. Dont fall into their negative hands. Hugs to you my friend!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
28 Mar 08
I am like you...scenario one would deflate me and I would feel so dreadful. I would assume the second guy was probably going to con me and use me.
I've always wondered about this sort of thing as well.
When I was working as a checkout chick I could be having a fabulous day. Feeling good, strong, not tired, customers happy, friendly. Then it happens. You get one person who is rude then nasty and your whole day falls apart. You've served nearly 150 people all day but this one person has the power to not only take away your happiness but to make you miserable as well, sometimes for hours. What is that about??
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 08
Wow, we are both of the same mind! When I went away for a weekend, I liked 10 of the guys there apart from one, and I let that one horrid man spoil the weekend for me, I couldn't understand why he didn't like me, and yet all the others did, I was more concerned about the one guy than the other ten, weird eh?
1 person likes this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
24 Mar 08
I might ponder the 1st scenario for a while. Aking what I did to recieve such a reaction. But after that I'd drop it and move on. Life is too Very short to dwell on too much negativity. I would be apt to remember the second. Sweetness is in such short supply these days. It would leave me with a happy mark. I think compliments leave people feeling uneasy because they are not given often. NEGATIVE seems to be the flavor of the day. So it is much easier to accept. Manners, kindness are in short supply. We need to be more positive. It could be a good thing.
2 people like this
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
28 Mar 08
Hi there wolfie - great dicsussion topic and I've rated it. Yes, why do we in general always believe the bad stuff and not the good. You are right. When my BF says nice things to me, I can't and don't take it like I should which hurts him yet I accept any bad thing he says (told in a jokingly way) as the truth!! Human beings are so mixed up!
Personally, if someone said something like scenario 1 to me then I would give him short sharp shrift and tell him where to get off. The second scenario, I would think 'huh, chat up line' but if he said it in a nice way then I would go half way to believing it.
I haven't been here long but I like you and your discussions. Don't think too much on the negatives, there a lot of people out here who think very positively about you. Absorb some of our good vibes, please!!
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 08
I want to see you in red that would cheer me up ;0) (star!) I wish I could change my sponge to absorb positivity instead of negativity. Thanks for the good vibes and thanks for making me smile. I guess my discussions and responses reflect my moods, so you can tell when Wolfie is up or down or just plain grouchy!
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
28 Mar 08
Yes, we can tell what mood you are in and you have some great discussion topics.
Try to change the sponge and think happy thoughts, I like to 'see' you in a positive frame of mind, it makes me smile. There is so much sadness in the world, I don't like to think that my friend is a part of it. Happy vibes are coming over.... 
@nannacroc (4049)
•
25 Mar 08
This sounds exactly like me. I think we have to be more sure of ourselves to accept compliments. I would worry about both as I would think the 'hello beautiful' scenario would be the other person being sarcastic.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
25 Mar 08
I really don't think I'd dwell on either, my friend. If any, it would probably be scenario 2, because I have no time for nasty people in my life. It's their problem if they think you're unattractive, when everybody else thinks you're attractive. They certainly don't deserve any friends, and I doubt they have any. Best to just hold your head up and ignore it, and him, and just move on with your life. Spend time with those who appreciate you, sweetie. You're not unattractive to me, and I'm sure a lot of people would tell you that, male or female.
Brightest Blessings and a big ((((HUGGG))). Shut out the negatives and meet them with two positives. Life is too precious to dwell on a grouch's words. x
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
25 Mar 08
If a guy said that to me I would of turned around and given him the finger and told him it was his loss and moved on. As for the second scenario, I accept it with a big smile :)
I don't dwell on the negatives and don't let it get to me. I do however appreciate a compliment though and it often stays with me throughout the day, even though I know I don't feel beautiful, but to be told I am by a complete stranger is nice [em]w00t[/em
@mummymo (23706)
•
25 Mar 08
The answer to this is easy sweetheart - we find it hard to accept a compliment as we are always putting ourselves down and can believe others think ill of us and that some peoplke are nice to us just because they are nice people and don't want to hurt our feelings! You are a gorgeouss person inside and out my darling and you know I wouldn't lie to you! maybe it is time that you started actually liking yourself and maybe then you will be able to accept that others like you too? I will if you will! xxx
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 08
I think my therapist has an uphill struggle, she asked me last week can I think of the positives and my strengths? Honestly I sat there for ages not coming up with ONE! She said that was so sad because she believed I had a lot of qualities and spent the session trying to prize them out of me. She must have the patience of Job!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
28 Mar 08
Well we can't have you making her life to easy for her can we! Seriously sweety i could rattle off a huge list of your good qualities no problem, you are gorgeous, sweet, kind, supportive, caring, funny , intelligent and extremely lovable - do i need to go on or will you start listening! xxx
1 person likes this
@raydene (9871)
• United States
24 Mar 08
Hi Sweets
I would not give #1 MORE THEN THE TIME IT TOOK TO HAPPEN
BECAUSE everyone will not and does not like/love me.
AND I do not value the oppinion of people that speak to others that way!
#2 the hello beautiful is just something some people say
I know cause I say things like that all the time.
Don't read alot into it..
Just tell yourself yes I am beautiful
oxxoxoxoxoxo
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
24 Mar 08
Scenario one is just rude and impolite. If the person wasn't interested at all they should have made it known right away and not give mixed signals by sharing their phone number. That would be very hurtful for anyone.
In the second scenario, it's a very nice thing and I would be able to accept the compliment. Even if the person was just trying to be nice, it's very polite. It might make me blush, but at least they're being friendly!
1 person likes this
@bluecrystal1982 (235)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
I want an honest person, who accepts me for who I am with no pretensions. If I were the girl on scenario 1, I will be deeply hurt because I thought that he wanted my friendship since he gave his number then suddenly I will be treated that way. It would be better for him not to give the number if he thinks that way, and the how he treated the person is so hurtful. However on scenario number two it depends on how I think of myself as well. If I am not confident about myself, it would be hard for me to accept a positive compliment. What I like, is the person on number 2is being nice and maybe he do find me beautiful and I am the only one who thinks differently. As they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides this person might not really care how do i look and just wants my friendship.
1 person likes this
@jenniferrenee (40)
• United States
25 Mar 08
I am just going to answer the last part. It is hard to accept compliments when we do not love ourselves, when we have been told we are not worthy and then we internalize it. You will never truly believe someone truly loves you until you can love yourself. It can be hard to reprogram your brain to believe you are worth all the good things that come your way, but it can be done, even if you have to tell yourself, "I love myself," every night until you fall asleep until it sinks in.
@cdparazo (5765)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
I would keep on dwelling on the second scenario. It happened to me more than once and I can't even sleep because I kept thinking about it. I am such a sucker of those feeling good scenes that gorge on them whenever I get the chance. The first scenario never happened to me and I guess, I would also think about it too but I can't really say up to what extent that I would let it bother me. I would like to think of myself as a very positive person and though I get criticisms a lot in my work and even personal life, but it never actually bothers me. So maybe, the 1st wont really bother me much.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
25 Mar 08
[b][/b]Hello dear wolfie.
As to the first scenario, I would tell him that he was thinking too much and it was not nice of him to say so as I did not have the least intention to chase him at all. I think that there is need for me to let him know about that to let him know who he was.
As to the second scenario, it is always nice to hear complimentary words. It is a friendly greeting to people that makes people feel good and it is a polite way.
I think that it is very normal not to easily forget about the negative as it really hurts. Our emotion is very crisp and gets hurt easily. That is why it is so easy to dwell on the negatives. Thanks for your discussion, my dear wolfie.
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
25 Mar 08
Well i can only tell you why I myself would not accept this as a compliment. scenario 1. the guy telle me im unnnatractive, yes would hurt my feelings. kinda like a slap in the face but i would get over it..
second scenario, I would not take that as a compliment. BECASUE how could someone else think im beautiful. when i dont even think of myself as beautiful?. i would feel he was lying to me for some reason.
I know how i look all to well and its definatly not what hes saying .lol
thats why i would not take it as a compliment. nothing aginst him. it would all be me and my self asteem.
@chrysz (1602)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
Well the explanation might be the same with doing good to others for a lot of times but just one mistake would ruin our reputation. Just one bad criticism would make us forget all the good things we hear from other people. We tend to always remember that we should and must forget because we have kept in our mind that we were once treated badly by a person.
Maybe its not that we find it hard to accept positive compliments but its just proper that we don't boost it around though i also don;t find nice talking nasty about a person who negatively criticize us. Some people like me bear in my mind positive criticisms, especially those I know are sincerely said, and these are the things I hold on to when people treat me badly.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
25 Mar 08
Well, as to scenario 1, I think it's a infrequence to me. I suppose I seldom do that. If I did make up my mind to take actions, that probably means I do not care about anything else. If that guy say that to me, it will hurt. And then I try my best to become better. Yet, I still believe that I am attractive in some way and I am just not his type. Things like that.
About scenario 2, I do not take that as a compliment. I think it's quite natural for someone to say that to show kindness when saying hello. After that hello, maybe I will shift the topic.
Honestly speaking, I thought of scenrio 1 more. Because recently I have been thinking about scenarios likt that. Yes, it is really hard for me to accept a compliment. It just make you fell uncomfortable. Perhaps I am just not confident enough.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
Just know your self and say thank you to those compliments...
