I discover that he(my father) was cheating... What would i do? How can i forget?
By alexigne
@alexigne (903)
Philippines
March 27, 2008 2:01am CST
I put my father on the pedestal... I admire him so much and wishing that when i get married it should be like him..at the age of 14,few days before turning 15. I discover that my father is cheating. My uncle told me so, because my mother told him about it.I didn't told to my mom that i already know...I was crying the whole night... I feel that my whole life is a big mistakes... i think that all men are like him... Cheaters..In short it ruin my life.I remember when at 2am at the very young age we need to go to the market to sell goods..When we suffer in financial aspects... When i saw my mother crying that night.. I was level on top students at the class then i decided to change my school... There i don't study and even skip my school... When i met my 1st love, i cheat him because i don't want him to do what my father did to my mother...
Then my life began to feel empty...I don't trust men... i don't even give them a chance to hurt me.. i became playful with the relationship before, i realize that it doesn't affect my father... He just disappointed because i stop at 1st year college...
After a year when i stop college, i began to think... i start to think my mother, i realized that i was hurting him the same time.. double the pain from me and my father... I ask her to leave my father and we go away with my brother and sister but she refuse.. She think of her siblings... SHe doesn't want us to live with a broken family...
When my father stay at us... she feel that i am far even i am near... i even cut myself, suicide... i did three times but i failed... My father doesn't know about it...
Now i came back on the real me... i Continue my study...
My father got sick... suffer in cancer for 2 years.. then died...
But still it is in my heart.. I didn't tell me that i can't scape from my past... When i get pregnant, i don't want to marry my husband but they insist... When i get chance i push him away until i know nothing about my ex-husband.. I am still afraid that one day, my love will cheat
me..
I try to forgive and forget but i just lie to myself that i did even though i cannot do...
What will i do now??
1 person likes this
5 responses
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
I know you have been through a lot of hardships having the thought of your perfect father cheating on your mom... it is hard to move on when you still have that in your heart alexigne.
Your father has passed away already, your mom could have already forgiven him, it is only you that has been greatly affected by this whole thing. It is hard to trust when that one person you built your ideals betrayed you... but you have to try and think that not all men are like him. we are different people and we all have different way of thinking. a sin of one is not a sin of all, if i may say...
I guess we are the same in one way... putting our dads in pedestal only to know they are not worthy of it... our difference was that i did not let it break me - i showed him i am better off without him, without men like him and thus i don;t fully give my 100% when it comes to matters of the heart... there is always a distance...
now that you have your baby, you should focus in giving him/her the best future, you are separated now from your husband because of your fears... you should talk with your mom about your dad, her thoughts are important in this situation of yours, and then sort it out with your husband.. do not push those who love you away. always believe that there are people who won't cheat on you and will be true to you.
1 person likes this
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
While reading your message, i was almost cry because it really affect me.. It is always easy to say when someone is not in my situation... I will feed your advice as it is for my sake... It is really helpful for me...
As i say no one know about this feeling and i keep on struggling to move on... I keep it to myself.. I really appreciate it...
By the way my baby inspire me so much and keep me moving... I feel that i was born again and starting all over again... that was the positive results..
1 person likes this
@Starbug32 (38)
•
27 Mar 08
Sometime its hard to accept but as like you and me your parents are just normal people who make mistakes like us all. Im sure you know hundreds of people who have cheated but i doubt it would have changed they way you think of them... its funny how when its when its one of your parents that it does change the way you think of them
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
27 Mar 08
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of that. Please don't ever hurt your self again. Life is short enough as it is and if you cut it even shorter you will only hurt those that are left behind who love you. I have seen what burring a child will do to a parent. It destroys them.
My father was a cheater and it does hurt. My parents divorced when I was 10. It takes a long time to heal. Not all men are cheaters, just like all women are not cheaters. You are not hurting any one but your self by not allowing your self to love. I know because I have been where you are. When the right man comes along you won't be able to help it because love will just happen weather you want it to or not. The trust issues are the hardest to get over even when you fall in love. I have a wonderful husband who is the best thing to ever happen to me and 4 years later I still have times when I have trust issues arise. It has gotten better and I am gaining more and more trust with him each day. Once in a while the trust demon comes out in me.
Just know that eventually you will heal from the past. Let your self love those around you and most of all love your self.
1 person likes this
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
Yes your right... Unconsciously i hurt my mother... a also hurt my brother when he saw my wrist with blood... He just leave and don't want me to see him crying... I just knew because my mother told me so...
I am not losing hope that time will come and forget everything as i forgive my father... I admit it was also my fault because i did not give myself time to think and due to being young... i become so impulsive...
1 person likes this
@ayou82 (3450)
• Philippines
3 Apr 08
Well that is a bit traumatic for a child to see his or her own father cheating behind the scenes. You cannot keep it nor can forget about it because while he is living or even his last breathe you cannot forget about that. So that gives you a lesson.. or have a open talk with your dad why this and why that?? Or do your mum deserves to be treated like that???
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
14 Jun 08
yeah but those daddy's are quite sensitive and doesn't show they are bother. even though we say that we give the same respect and attention, there is still something different that we can't put it back, and that's the genuine respect and love from the bottom of our heart.
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
3 Apr 08
What your father did was inexcusable. And i'm sorry that you're having such a hard time dealing with it. But life goes on my dear,and it's up to you what you do with it.Although you may not believe it now forgivness will come. I'm not gonna tell you that you must forgive him because that's your choice to make. But i am going to ask you not to sabbotage your happiness because your father made some bad dicisions. There are still men out there that wont hurt you the way your father hurt your family. You just have to be willing to take a chance on love and focus on your own happiness... best wishes.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
3 Apr 08
This is the first time that someone doesn't tell me to forgive him, because that was really hard to do when i was there.
I appreciate that you understand. I already forgive him but it is hard to forget especially when there are things that remind me and cause pain. I feel the same when the time that i discovered it.
I am happy with my life now, and i am so thankful for God's blessing. He gave me my daughter and my family are still together. My daughter gives inspiration in my family and happiness. Reason to smile everyday.
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
3 Apr 08
I'm happy to hear that things worked out for you. You're human and i dont think that you'll ever forget, but i'm so glad you forgave him. Continue to be happy and cherish those in your life.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
28 Mar 08
I am just curious... is there any valid reason having a love affair with the other women if you marry the one that you truly love??? If you are the one who insist to take her home even she is not ready and insist the marriage without any document and do some rearrangement with the judge... Philippine culture is too different when it comes to marriage and getting child during 80's.
If there's a reason for that and you will say because of love... answer this..
Is there any valid reason for not giving your family a financial support and going back to your first family when you discover that you had a cancer???
Yeah your right his my father and its my obligation to forgive him no matter what... Give the respect that he need...
Maybe time will come to forget everything like this but for now i need to help my self heal the pain that causes a deep concern...
Please answer me with a yes or no...If yes what it is to help me understand the situation...Thanks....
