What make you think you can ALLOW some one to do something?

Maybe allow, let, or giving permission are the wrong words for it..However when your in a marriage or strong relationship its about respect. And Mutual respect. In order to get respect you must show it also. Its a 50/50 resposibility. I say I dont allow my husband to go to a strip club..Well in a certain sense that is true. He can make the decision regardless of what I say, but if he does it knowing full well that I dont approve and it makes me upset and unhappy then he doesnt respect me. And therefore if he doesnt respect me as I respect him then the relationship wont work. Its not like I treat him like a child nor does he treat me that way. I'm not his mother or his maid. But I am his Wife, and the mother of his children. And I DO have a say in what happens in this relationship. Its a partnership, not a dictatorship. If he tells me he doesnt approve of something or something makes him uncomfortable I will do everything I can to make sure that doesnt happen again or ever. So I think basically the words you are seeing in posts are probably misunderstood. Let people explain it a little better if necessary.

My hubby and I just ask one another out of respect. Actually, he will give me a heads up if he will be doing happy hour after work so that I know that I can make other plans for myself or so that I don't bother making dinner for both of us if only one of us will be around to eat it. And, so I won't worry when he isn't home at the usual time. But, I don't "allow" him to go to happy hour. Unless there is something else we had planned that slipped his mind...which hasn't happened yet...he is free to do whatever. We do check in with one another concerning invitations. Like, if someone at work asks him if we are available over the weekend to take in a dinner and movie at their place, he will "check with the boss first", which is the same thing I do, to make sure we don't have any other plans and to make sure we are both up for it. That way, no one catches the other off guard because you never know when your spouse is thinking that they would rather spend the entire weekend at home just doing couple stuff. So, we respectfully talk to one another about plans. It isn't so much asking to be "allowed" as much as just talking about it in advance.

Ugh, when my fiance and I first hooked up I was known as the "warden" because they thought that he needed to get my permission to do anything...including taking a pee. I'm just very honest and upfront about certain things and at the time I was a manager at where we worked (how I met my fiance) and they thought that I was the same way in the relationship. I'm far from! Just as long as you let me know where you are going, then fine!! Have fun, you know!! But to be completely honest, we really don't, or won't, go anywhere without the other.

Like SM was saying I think in SOME cases people dont choose their words carefully. They really mean " I would be deeply hurt and feel disrespected and mostly cry for a couple days" when they say they wouldn't allow husband to do it. Some though I think would use guilt and yell and throw a tantrum to get their way. Of course the sane few are also mistaken on words they use and mean would have to have a serious talk about relationship if this did accur.

That's something that bugs me and that I battle with too. I usually feel like I have to ask permission to do anything just because things are the way they are around here. Like last night, I asked if I could go to my parents, not because s/o cared but because I wasn't planning to take all the kids and didn't want his parents (mom mainly) to get mad about me leaving them. Asking him was like my cover, if anyone else said anything I could be like well he said I could go and leave them here so they were his responsibility so it's his fault if you were put out by them being here.

I ask my husband out of respect for him,just as he asks me out of respect for me.

I know exactly how you feel. I was once in a relationship where I wasn't "allowed" to see my friends. I did have to ask permission to do just about anything - probably even go to the bathroom. Yeah, I let that happen to me, but thankfully I woke up one day and realized that that's not what I wanted! Now, my current husband and I do consult with each other on things to make sure we have no conflicts or how we're going to work things out. But we do what we want.

I can do anything, go anywhere and say anything I want... Hang on a minute, I'll go and just check with my wife it is ok for me to say that. haha. I've had 37 years of practice to learn that we each have limits to which we can go - go over those limits and there will be hell to pay. In fact they are pretty much the same limits that we set our children for good behaviour and to avoid being selfish. So yes, for some things I really would say 'I would never allow my wife to do that'. And she knows it.

My husband stays in the basement and I let him out to go to work, that's what he is here for. Okay, kidding but that is a pet peeve of mine too. It's more like a discussion if want of us wants to go do something. We are comfortable being apart at times, we have different friends and it's all good.

I guess this is what gets to me about relationships, I started off as a single parent, I loved it apart from all the bad comments I used to get over being a single parent. I had my own place, a job and I could come and go as I pleased, did not have to answer or worry about anyone else. When I met my now hubby, I had been on my own for 8 years. When we moved in together I made it clear that we had to live our own lives,still do our own things to a certain degree, that he had to keep his friends and go out when money allowed. I am or was an independant person, I do not want to have to answer anyone else, if my hubby wants to go out and we have the money for him to do so then he goes, simple as that I do not mind. And believe me I have more reasons than some not to allow him to go anywhere without me!!! But I would not dream of saying to him that he could not go out or go anywhere. He does not ask me if he can go out he will just say, some of the lads are going such a place and I will say ok. I cannot go out, (no not because he won't let me!! ) I do not have any friends to go out with, but if I wanted to go somewhere then I would go, I do not need permission. You are still two people in a marriage or relationship, and you should live like two people not like one.

I have seen those too and feel sad that they would be in that situation.My hubbard never had to ask my permission to do antything or go anyplace and I also never asked him permission. we were both adults with a reasonable amount of brains and we also trusted each other.I might have told my husband I was going to do such and such but never eventhought of having to ask him.I grew up with that atmosphere and never would do that to my mate my mom always asked my dad for permission as though he was her father. not me myhusband was no my father and no permission was needed either way.

I agree and disagree. First of all there is a HUGE difference between married couples with kids and those without. Couples without kids have more freedom to be like hey im doing this at the last minute or to do a lot of things away from their partner in general; than those with little ones. My husband and I know that we're not eachothers "mommy and daddy". But if my husband says "babe I'd rather you didn't go out firday night cuz its been a long week and im not up to taking care of melanie" (our daughter) well then i respect his wishes and stay home and go out another time. He does the same for me. Every marriage is different and everyone has their own view of respect and what a marriage should be like. I agree that people should not try to parent and control their spouse. I do think some people use the words "allow" and "permission" in a different way than they come off or can just be joking. My husband and I joke about giving one another permission. I joke with other wives about giving my hubby permission. It is sad that some people try to control their spouses. Really good discussion by the way!