Should my husband love me more than he loves his Sister kids?
By deepti15
@deepti15 (1190)
India
March 28, 2008 12:36am CST
Before my sister and her husband met, the most important people in his life were his niece and nephews. Especially his niece. He thinks kids are perfect, wonderful, beautiful, etc. My sister think she's just the typical spoiled blond girl. She think they are okay children, but she does't want to make them her top priority the way he has.
Her husband tells her that he loves them the same as her, but they get unconditional love while she only get conditional love.
Personally, She is offended that her husband loves her the same as he does a spoiled six year old. Actually, due to his constant criticism of her, She is pretty sure he loves Kids a whole lot more than he does her, and that seems dysfunctional. Is she out of line for thinking her husband should love her unconditionally and more than he loves his sister's kids? She is sick of being second priority after little kids!
I'm confused how to support her as I have no idea what to suggest. Can you suggest any good Idea?? 
4 people like this
26 responses
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
28 Mar 08
I think a Wife should be front and Centre of her Hsband's affections,otherwise,why Marry Her? Ok,so He has a lot of Love for his Nieces and Nephews,but in Getting Married,his plans for the future should include a family of his own with Her,and Alienating his new wife doesn't sound like the best way to plan a Family..Is He spending a lot of time with these kids without his wife? I thought Women wanted a Man who Loves Kids..Is She feeling left out? Maybe He should try and involve Her More that She can see He's getting ready for the responsibilities of being a Dad.or is it that He'd really rather be with the kids than Her?
@anujain75 (1059)
• India
28 Mar 08
Told your sister not to discuss the matter with husband.Concentrate on her own life.Don't give importance to her husband.but be sure she should fulfill all her duties perfectly.her husband automattically attract towards her.
@ciades (1623)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
I think it's not a good thing to compet the love of your husband with his relatives or nieces and nephews. And don't make your husband choose whom to love with. Husband will feel pressurement. The love of the husband to his wife is different to his nieces and nephews. There's a saying; if you love someone learn to love those people who've been important to your partner's life.
I remember one of the filipino movie entitled "MADRASTA" lead by one of our famous filipino actress and actor Sharon cuneta and Christopher De Leon. One of the line of Sharon cuneta state that "she never been a partner and never been considerate by her husband coz she thought her husband picture out her as being only a wife". And she blew up that words because of her step daughter who scold the stepbrother by playing her important documents in a CD. The father just being considerate to his daughter temper. So the stepmom just blew up and she feel just rejected her by his husband. Her husband never thought about what she thought and feel sorry if she's thinking that way and didn't mean it.
1 person likes this
@arjun999 (1004)
• India
28 Mar 08
Come on, a husband always loves his wife more than his nieces and nephews. Your sister shouldnot get offended by his showing affection on his nephews. Everybody likes kids and likes to show affection on them. I hope your sister is not the jealous type. Tell her that her husband only criticises her cos he wants her to get better and that no kids can come between a husband-wife relationship.
1 person likes this
@SONIA12MAN (238)
• United States
29 Mar 08
she's not second. it is just that he shows attention to what children need most. guys do that some times a or as often as they want . sometimes say things like son I love you more than mom it is just to make the kids happy and know that they are welcome at all times. i f you hurt a kids feeling really bad it could last the rest of their lives with you having a negative image in their eyes. but He's trying to balance that. your sister needs to understand the definition of love. between husband and wife and love between parents and kids then she will be able to see that her husband still loves her the same. but because she can't understand the differences she thinks she's second place.
@Rasheeda10 (1)
• United States
29 Jan 10
I think the love for your neice,or nephew should be unconditional. Although,previous posts have stated that these two loves are different, I do agree, but, love between a wife and husband should not be broad. It should be open because that then will reassure the wife, and she probably would not have thought the way she did. It should show , as a whole that the reason why I married you is because I love you in all of these ways. Now, his neice was already showed that before they got together and got married and will continue to be showed that forever. When you get married, this person was not around you forever, and you have to prove your love for them now. Acknowledge that you love them also. but not in front of his neice. Reassure your wife and when you do that , when she sees you with your neice she will join in because she now has her own connection with you, and it is real. Now is the time to show your wife how much you love her. Maybe not in front of your neice but alone. One reason why the husband should not have a problem with this is because, he did choose to marry her. He has to consider her feelings . He also should have not said that around his wife that he loves them egually. He wanted to reassure his neice that he loves her but do it alone. I would not get jealous over something like that, however,my husband did tell me that he wanted to get his family away from me because he was mad that I wanted my privacy and they were living with us at the time. However petty the wife may seem, she is a woman who has feelings, and wants to be loved more than what she is receiving. Maybe if she felt love completely, she would not have been jealous. Love is patient,love is kind, love does not offend, love is not harsh. So the husband needs to get to know his wife better, and learn to love her.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
31 Mar 08
Look this can be looked upon from different perspective. Love for the children are totally different than loving the spouse or partner. There are some people who just like children very much.
Your sister should have a talk with him and express that as he does not love her unconditionally, it makes her feeling bad.But there should not be any comparison with love for partner and children.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
1 Apr 08
If she is feeling that she isn't respected, then she should leave. If she feels resentment toward the child things could get worse. It sounds like her husband Does love his daughter more than his wife.All you can do is be there for her. It is her decision to make.I hope she can find happiness.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
29 Mar 08
I've always thought that once a guy gets married, his wife becomes the most important person in his life. I know that is true for me, and nothing will change either my thoughts or feeling for this. I think he needs to accept that things change with marriage, as should priorities. I know I would be feeling at little irritated to think my wife loved someone elses six year old kid more than she loved me.
@youless (112586)
• Guangzhou, China
29 Mar 08
I think sometimes it's hard to measure love. Perhaps you think your husband loves his niece and nephews more than you, but it may not be true. Children are always very adorable and innocent. So we all love them. And I can't see a reason that you shall be jealous in this aspect
@jeanniemay (1798)
• Philippines
30 Mar 08
Ohh, yes, I agree with you. She is sick. She needs to be aware of what she really feels. If you love a man, it doesn't have conditions and you don't have to weigh it or compare it. There is no comparison for both spouses to make on how they put their love on each other. I personally believe that love is centered on sharing. Actions will all speak it out.
Your sister needs to put her awareness and focus not on how much love given her but how much love she can share and show.
Prayers! 
@garthl (37)
• China
1 Apr 08
Okay, the good thing is your sister's husband is a person who loves kids, anyone love kid will be a nice kind person. I think he is easy going. They probably only marriaged short time, your sister is accustomed to be her husband's center like their dating time.
Love wife and love niece,bephew is totally different, your sister needn't jealous. Now what she can do is pay less attention to this and fullfill herself.
@naniglavs (210)
• India
31 Mar 08
Definitely..............BEacause u r half of his life................
@spoiled311 (5500)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
no deep. your sister is not out of line. it is something else for your brother in law to love kids--but it is another thing to love and adore kids over your wife. when people get married, their priority becomes their spouse, all else, apart from God, comes in second, third, etc. the kids (their own kids) should not even become the reason for them not to be more loving to each other. if they have a priority list such as this, then your sister would not feel left out and taken for granted.
maybe she can air out her feelings to her husband? sometimes, telling them would bring them to reality.
i hope for the best.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Love for a child is so completely different than love for ones partner. I think your sister is wrong to even try to compare the two....they can't be compared. I absolutely love and adore all the children in my family so much. If a man came into my life that was jealous of my love for them then I would really have a problem with that. It would make me look at that man differently and would no doubt affect our relationship in a negative way. It would not be that I love the kids more but just different and I think if he made it an issue in our relationship, then I would start to question my feelings towards this man. I know I would. I have been in relationships like that and they are not healthy. I am impressed by a man's love for his children or family not threatened. To me that'd be a green flag. I think your sister has a problem.
@nghaipao (89)
•
28 Mar 08
Love is not a matter of games or something like that But Love is perfect and eternal... There should not be partiality in love and theres no partiality also. what relationship is bigger than a relationship between God and we? Do we possess Love The Love that our God love us or gave us? Yap... A husband should Love His wife with all Hearted as well as the Wife too. Likewise we should also love each other as our God Love us.And I think there is no division in love. Thanks...
@ruthinian (2309)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Do they have kids of their own? If they don't, tell her to get pregnant and have kids... then she will realized that she is more important. If they do, and he still loves his niece and nephew, maybe you brother-in-law is not getting the love he needs from your sister. Jealousy here is out of hand. She has to do something. If she will show that she appreciate the kids too instead of getting jealous of them and taking them as a competition, I hate to think where this will end up.
@JHEZ924 (119)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
Do they have kids already?
I was also in that situation before. During our early months of marriage, I noticed how my husband loves his 3-years old niece. She was actually a daughter of my hubby's cousin but since no kids in their house, they use to make her their baby girl. They even spoil that kid just to give all she wants. So when I came to their house, I noticed that he loves her niece more than me. What bothered me most is the attention he's giving to her over me. At first, I didn't entertain the feeling of jealous where it really hurts me. But it came to the point that I cannot take it anymore so I talked to him and said what I felt. He told me that I was mistaken because he loves me more than that kid. I knew what he means, it's really a different kind of love.
After I talked to him, I feel some changes. He can now manage his time, effort and love to both of us and what's great there is that I can now feel how important I am to him. More now that we already have a 7-month old son. Maybe the big change is because our son came and his attention goes most on our baby and not to his niece anymore.
@alexpuqin (24)
• China
29 Mar 08
in fact. they are different things! why does she have the idea? remember you are families. i think it so stupid to worry about that!
