what age difference is exceptable for relationships?
By babiegirl45
@babiegirl45 (227)
United States
March 29, 2008 1:44pm CST
So in another discussion I posted earlier today, I commented that the person that I have interest in and he has interest in me there is a 6 year difference. I am 6 years older than he is. What is an execptable age difference for a couple? Does it differ when the women is older than the man or when the man is older than the women? What do you think? Have you ever dated someone younger or older than you? When I mean older or younger I mean at least a 3 year difference. Because I think a 2 year difference either up or down is exceptable.
5 people like this
14 responses
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
29 Mar 08
My boyfriend is substantially older than I am. I exceed your two year difference by about 14 years. I absolutely adore my BF and wouldn't change anything for the world. We seem to measure everything in life by age. If it doesn't fit within our age specifications we don't want anything to do with it. Instead of measuring your relationships by the difference in age, measure it by interests, how you get along, and what you each bring into the relationship.
My BF has taught me a lot, and I have taught him a lot too. We get great pleasure from doing things together, being together and teaching each other. My BF not only feels younger but looks younger from being with me. He smiles more, gets out with his friends riding motorcycles and takes better care of himself. So, why worry about the age difference? Why not start looking at life in the respect of what the two people are able to achieve together and how well they live their lives together? Age is a relative state anyhow. I've known people in their twenties that were more like they should be 90 and vise versa. To me it doesn't matter if it is acceptable to be with an older man, I enjoy him immensely and that is all that matters to me.
1 person likes this
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
WOW thank you! I never thought about it that way. There has always been this thing taught but not spoken about that it is ok for a man to be older than a women when they are together. And so I think in the back of my mind I thought I might be doing something wrong. But you are RIGHT it is only wrong if the relationship doesnt work between the two people (and not because of the age). You have opened my eyes and made me feel better about this. THANK YOU AGAIN.
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
30 Mar 08
We are taught from birth to worry about what other people think. It seems like you hear it too often "what will the neighbors think?" I had that hammered at me for many years until I realized that what the neighbors or anyone else thought wasn't that important to the functioning of my life.
I have had people decide to tell me who to date, fragrances that I should wear and even the clothes I should wear- I finally got tired of it and started telling these people that if they wanted to tell me what to do then they could start paying my bills, and they had better get five jobs because I planned to get very expensive to keep up...the first thing I would get would be a BMW convertible. It's amazing how fast they butted out of my business.
With the age difference between people, the biggest question is "Does the difference in age really make things any different? Do I love the person any less because they are older or younger than I am?" I am sure people with open minds and hearts would find that that doesn't make the difference in a relationship. What makes the difference is how you feel with each other, are you happy, do you have fun together, do you compliment each other with your strengths and weaknesses. Are you able to be there for each other? I am the luckiest woman on earth! My washer broke down a couple of weeks ago, and being on disability I couldn't afford to replace it until the first. Last night before my boyfriend went home (he lives across the street and two doors up from me) he had me get my laundry for the past week. Today he is busily doing my laundry!!! He doesn't really have to do it, but he is always going that extra mile and doing the special stuff.
I am glad that my response helped. We need to get past worrying about what others think and realize we need to worry about what makes us happy and feeling good. If the only worry we were to have in life was the age difference between boyfriend and girlfriend then I could see the reason to fret about it. But there is so much going on in life that having a partner that is older or younger doesn't matter as much as how you get along and help each other through life. Just keep in mind that age is a relative state-I am 55 and I have days that I feel like I am 19 and then days like today when I hurt so bad from my surgery that I feel like I am 230! I know that my BF will be down in a bit and when I am in his arms the world is right again and I feel like I am 25 and he is 30. So, just quit sweating the small stuff and really enjoy your partner, no matter what the age just as long as you love each other!
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Did you ever worry that you would have nothing in common? Who is older in the relationships and does that matter?
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
29 Mar 08
as long as you are both happy about it then it doesnt matter. I have a friend who is 63 and has a new gf who is 21 lol
blessed be
1 person likes this
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
29 Mar 08
WOW that is a big age difference. What in the world do they have in common except the bedroom?
1 person likes this
@bonansa2008 (219)
• Indonesia
1 Apr 08
Eskarenai,hello!
Wonderful day, yeah for ur friend.
Man in 63 wanna get married with 21 year old girl?
Wow, it is incredible thing I have ever known. He must be a a macho man with complete experience how to make young lady happy in his hands. According to my opinion, this young lady needs a peaceful life, needs a man who could understands her well, a family-man.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
29 Mar 08
This might surprise people, but I am 57 years old and my lovely partner is about to celebrate his 30th birthday. We are both extremely happy, have loads in common and have been together for three years now with never a cross word between us. I willleave you to figure out the age difference :-)
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Good for you! I am glad to hear from others that the age difference doesnt really matter. Hope you have many more years with them.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
29 Mar 08
As long as those involved in the relationship are adults, I don't think it matters what the age difference is. Love doesn't understand age differences and some people are more or less mature than others. Life experience or lack of life experience can also make a person feel younger or older than they really are.
My s/o is nearly 14 years older than me. It seemed like a bigger difference when I was 21 and he was 35 than it is now 7 years later but it never seemed big enough to cause a problem.
1 person likes this
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with you that if they are adults it really shouldnt matter.
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
Well my boyfriend is 19, and I am 16. I find this to be acceptable because we are at the same maturity level (most of the time). I think an accaptable age difference for an adult couple is basically unlimited. Unless its 22 and 70. I just don't see that working well. For younger people it is diference. For those in their teens, 3 years is enough.
1 person likes this
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Hum I never thought about it that way. Thank you for your insight.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Mar 08
Hi babiegirl, There is no such thing as an acceptable age for relationships, unless you mean acceptable to the couple themselves. I know of good relationships where the man is as much as ten and up to twenty years older than the woman. I also know of good relationships with the woman as much as ten years older than the man. What others say or think doesn't matter. Blessings.
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
1 Apr 08
Thank you for you insights. I guess I should have asked does a relationship work with the women being older than the man?
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Mar 08
hi babiegirl45 My husband was six years older than me and our marriage lasted thirtyodd years with no big problems at all.I really think that six year difference either way is no big problem as long as you love each other.
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Thank you Hatley for your encourgement. I hope your relationship is still going strong.
@bonansa2008 (219)
• Indonesia
30 Mar 08
Man should at least 5 years older than his girl's...
If they are at the same ages -- say it both are 20 years old -- man wll find out his partner look older than her real ages when they entering 2nd or 3rd years of their marriage-life. Because of this, no wonder women are no objection to ger married with man 10 years older....
@skyessoycandles (35)
• United States
30 Mar 08
I say as long as you are happy.
My husband is 10 years old than I am.
We are very happy :)
@Roxenne (73)
•
30 Mar 08
I remember a friend of mine saying: The woman has always to be older then the man in a relationship, because the man get old faster then the woman and die younger!!! Well... I think the same, and anyway There is not much difference between you and him!!!
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Yeah I was just talking to my mom about the age difference thing and I said that it would be nice to marry a younger man because men usually die first in a relationship. This way if they are younger you have a better chance of living to be about the same age.
@rock27 (31)
• India
30 Mar 08
Dear babiegirl you are right that 2 years differene doesn't matter in any physical relation.Rlation is depends on physical structure,if both the mate are able to satisfy eachother then age difference is nothing between them.So age dosen't take matter in any physical relation.
@lian3town (21)
• Philippines
30 Mar 08
for me you see, you used the word "acceptable." I think that's a bit different than what is okay with "some" people. Personally, i think as long as you guys have either the same or complementary levels of maturity, you guys will be alright.
However, acceptability depends on which part of the world you live.
Some countries still generally frown upon so called "may-december" affairs or even small age gaps such as yours since the lady is the older party, that it would be quite hard for the couple because they are scrutinized daily.
Hopefully you guys don't live in this type of society.
@babiegirl45 (227)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Wow I didnt know that some countries frown apon this. Do you know which? I am just courious.
