how do i figure this out

Phew... you do seem to have been through it, my friend, not just in this relationship, but in several before. It sounds to me as though you are working a joint job, but is she pulling her weight, and why would you want to stay at the job if she isn't? You're obviously very upset about the whole situation, and I feel that it's time for you to move on, to perhaps be with your child, and participate in her growing up. You're missing so much of the things a parent enjoys. Ok, back to your wife. She's not satisfied with having you and your daughter. She obviously isn't good for the child, and her promises of these things never happening again, are empty. You're sitting there at home, eating your heart out, away from your daughter, whilst she is off making out with other guys. Thank goodness this last one was sensible enough to tell her a few home truths, but by no means would all men be that way. I'm sorry, but I just can't understand her reasons for being this way. If she loved you, she would never contemplate spending time alone with another guy. She would be loyal and honest with you, and as for developing feelings for them... what about her feelings for you? Did they die? It seems she can manage the honesty part, but loyalty, love and trust have gone out of the window, and once they've gone, you don't have a whole lot left, my friend. If she wanted to "play the field", then perhaps she should have done it before marrying you. The pain would have been a lot less. I would seriously think about leaving her, and spending more time with your daughter. If that means just weekends, because you have to get another job... fair enough, but start working on the bond with her, because she still loves you... believe me. You owe a little to your child, and now's the time to give it. Think of the happiness you'll bring into your life by doing that. It's going to far outweigh what you'll be leaving behind, my friend. If you ever feel a need to talk, then you're quite welcome to IM me. I will listen and try to help in any way I can, but really, you ought to be talking with your wife, don't you think? Don't take empty promises either... try to establish better ground in your relationship. Take her out and show her a good time... show her how much you care, and how much you want your relationship to survive, if that's what you want to do, but do it now, before it's too late. Brightest Blessings. Keep your head up and walk towards the light.

Wow, sounds like my ex. I have 2 kids by him and he was doing the same thing. He did it to me over and over. I had to come to the conclusion that I am worth more than that and we are now divorced. I left everything including my kids, not by choice. To long of a story to get into here. She will continue to do it. My question to you is this...when your daughter is old enough to ask and this is continuing on, what will your response to her be? Also, aren't you worth more as a person not to be treated this way? Only you can make those choices. Thank you for sharing such intimate parts of your life. Aingealicia

I think as you are cheated in your previous relationship, you are feeling more bad. also it is making you feel that you will lose this also. but i do not see any reason why should you hold onto this anymore.she has already cheated you many times, you like it to admit or not. how many times can you can take it for granted?

i'm really sorry about your situation. i would say that you and your wife should have a really serious talk, so you can figure things out whether to continue your relationship or not. i don't mean to be rude, thinking that you two gave up your child for adoption, your wife shouldn't be running around like that. she should (or both of you) should get a good job, then you can get your child back and support her, and be responsible parents/spouse. maybe its a reason why your wife if like that? just remember, you also deserve to be happy, and its not right to wait around till your wife comes to her senses. so just talk and get it done and over with so both of you can move on. i wish you goodluck & God bless.

Well its not a good thing to b in a relation when you get hurt so badly and repeatedly. You said you did talk to her and its just the same so better try counselling taking time out. But i personally say, you can just b a father to your child and still not get hurt so repeatedly, its what you want, whether to b wid her or not ...its ur decision to make, and about your job, i donno what xactly you mean by you dont wanna lose it...y do you have 2 lose it? even if u do, you can always find some thing else that you love....

I am sorry to your situation. But I have a question, don't you and your wife talk? If your wife is not that kind of person who just love people whoever she sees, I think you should find out what she likes about that guy, and figure out whether you could be that kind of guy. No one is perfect. That is why we need to improve ourselves.

I hate to be the one to say this, but people like her are not happy with themselves and they will never change until, they become happy with who they are. My suggestion is to move on some how. They are other jobs in other places and people out there in this world who know who they are and will treat you better. Good luck and Blessed Be...

I'm sorry for what you're going through jrazor. You say that there will be "no guarantee" that your wife won't do this again... but, I'm sure you've heard the saying that "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior"? Your wife certainly doesn't seem to be respecting her commitment to you. It sounds like she feels free to "speculate" on other men because, when things don't work out, you always take her back (you went to get her when it didn't work out with another man?!). If your job is a main concern, I'd suggest you start looking for another one that is similar, with the conditions that you like best in your current job. Also, give some serious thought to why you are in your relationship. I know you have a child together but staying with someone because of a child is not doing anyone any favors (even though I understand that your child lives elsewhere). You will always be a parent but that is not the same as being a partner and spouse. It's normal to fear being alone or fear the unknown... but, no matter what, people deserve to be happy and to (hopefully) be with someone that respects them and is devoted to the relationship. I wish you luck. You have some decisions to make.

I am sorry to hear that.You seem like a good man. I do hope all men where like you. Anyways, what if you go talk to her and give her an ultimatum or a final warning. Tell her to respect you and not to cheat on you. If she wants to stay with you she better decide once and for all and never go look for another man again.Don't let her get her ways.Let her know and feel you are not happy with what she is doing. I do hope you can get back your daughter so you can be a family. Maybe she is just running away from the pain of her child being adopted by your sister. Hope you'll be both ok soon.

No need to apologize! Does your wife know that you know? I mean that might be the best place to start, talk to her about what she meant by what was said. I can see how it must have hurt you to read that but at the same time it kind of sounds like she may have just been getting closure with this guy. From a woman's perspective, there honestly have been guys that I had strong feelings for at one point and wasn't able to let it go until I knew they'd felt the same way at one point also even though we both knew that a relationship in the present was not even close to an option. (I don't even know if that made sense, I got confused just trying to write it, sorry) My other question is do you know why your wife develops feelings for these other guys? I don't mean to sound like I'm defending her but some people really aren't able to be monogamous, maybe she's one of them? Which then leads to my third question...are you willing to stay with her even though you know there will be other men? There's a lot I could say about that but a lot of it varies depending on her reasons so there's no point getting into all that. Without knowing you two personally, my first thought is that the relationship is hopeless. My second thought is that maybe it's time for you two to look into alternative relationships. You know there really are a lot of people out there (and some here at mylot as well) who are currently involved, have been involved or want to be involved in a relationship between 3 or more people. In your case it would be you and your wife and your wife and the other guy all committed to each other (if you were bi, you and he could have a relationship too but I don't get that from what little you've said). It works for a lot of people so it'd be worth looking into if you want to keep your relationship.. Search polyfidelity and polyamory for more information.

Have you talked to her about this yet? If it were me, I'd just leave. Once the trust is broken then the relationship is pretty much over as far as I'm concerned. Even if it never happened again, you'd always be wondering and you'd always wonder whether or not she really loved you. Would you really be able to be happy and close to her under these circumstances?

first i want to start by saying i am really sorry to hear what you are going through i know it must be tough with your history and they way you found out it was happening again. i always believe in second chances but it seems like you have tried time and time again. you should try counseling and it that doesnt work just be a wonderful father like i am sure you are to your daughter. the most important thing is your happiness and your childs happiness and i know you cant possibly have any peace with whats going on.

it isnt unusual for people to have emotions to others besides their husband/wife, in fact its quite common. however imnot condoning what yer wife is doing.. because she isnt being honest, and has promised it wont happen again, and it is, so she broke her word as well. itll keep happening for as long as you continue to keep taking her back after shes left you and her little flings dont work out, so she uses you as her safety net. youve got some decisions to make. either 1) leave her and be done with it. 2) have a sit down and discuss your discoveries of what shes doing, and work it out or not and ultimately leave her and be done with it or 3) sit down, have a talk, figure out if you can share her with others, and if she can share you as well.. and open your relationship to other partners. it doesnt seem as tho yer wife is capable of monogamy.. not everyone is.