Hello Mate
By p1kef1sh
@p1kef1sh (45681)
April 3, 2008 7:55am CST
I was in a store earlier today when the sales assistant came up to me and said "Can I help you mate?" I find the term "mate" grates slightly. It is not a big deal and I certainly don't get cross about it. But there is a slight overfamiliarity that niggles. Like being called by my first name by someone that I have ever met. "Darling, Duck, Sweetie" are all names that I don't mind being called. I am completely irrational I know. Is there a name that bothers you.
12 people like this
29 responses
@nannacroc (4049)
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3 Apr 08
Being old I would have found it very offensive to be called mate by a salesperson. I don't mind 'luv' or 'duck' but don't like darling. This person would have been too familiar for my liking and I would have gone to a different shop.
2 people like this
@nannacroc (4049)
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3 Apr 08
The middle one would disagree with you about me being old. It's her and her sisters that make me feel that way. I am guilty of using 'mate' but it's usually with children I've worked with who's name I've forgotten.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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3 Apr 08
I wonder if these things are gender driven. Would he have called me "mate" if I had been female, I cannot imagine that he would have said "Darling" to me, but women have. My sister works for a large supermarket chain, I shall ask her what they train their staff to say, Probably Sir or Madam. I noticed the "Old" tag you gave yourself. Don't believe a word of it.
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I am so guilty of using endearments, darlin, lock me up and throw away the key! It's just so ingrained in me, I have to make it a point not to do it in some situations. I do it in nearly every response I make here and in every comment I put under the responses too. I know some people don't like it, but I don't think too many of them respond to my discussions or responses. And the rest of you sweetly tolerate this little irritation of mine, bless each and every one of your hearts. For me, being called ma'am can be a bit grating and miss isn't a favorite either. I usually just use "excuse me" and don't add Mister or Miss or whatever. Sometimes I use 'mister' and I seem to get some odd looks when I do, which is probably why I do it. And that is my answer, babydoll.......
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I just love the way you see me, darlin! You touch my heart with your words.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
4 Apr 08
And my words enfold your heart
And hold it close in tender love
To ensure it's beat
Remains constant and at peace.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
4 Apr 08
Nova my love, my sweet, my wet dream - it's all part of your Southern charm and what made me fall in love with you! No one can do it like a Southern lady. It's like a law or something. Now a Yank.....yech! LOL
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
4 Apr 08
I don't like people calling me mate or bab. I don't like "mate" for two reasons. One because I feel it is more of a bloke expression and another because someone calling me "mate" is probably not one. Although, if they are then I don't mind. I have mostly friends or acquaintaces and only consider 2 or 3 people as mates.
And I don't like "bab" because it's over used around here. It's really strange when a 16 year old calls an older person bab. It's just a common one around here!
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
4 Apr 08
I think bab is a very local one. I also dislike being called "honey" or "hun", especially by young ladies (younger than me) I don't mind so much if a man says it for some reason. A friend of mine always calls me honey or hun and it's really annoying!
@gemini_rose (16264)
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3 Apr 08
My hubby calls me duckie or duck, which I do not mind, as I love him so he is allowed to. But duck or duckie is the word around my part and I remember when I first moved here and people would call me duck and I would just look at them and think why are you calling me duck, what am I shaped like one, and feathery. It always grates on my nerves when other people call me duck, or duckie, especially women, I hate it. Yes I have been called mate a few times in shops, I just give them one of my stares or glares, oh and I tell you the other word that really winds me up and that is when someone calls me love, I hate it, for some reason it always sounds so patronising. You alright love, can I help you love, anything else love!!!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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3 Apr 08
Another Midlander? Ruby was makes a similar point later on. My family come from Derbyshire and Leicestershire and I remember "Duck". In fact I think my Grandmother would occasionally say it. Love is a patronising word, a bit like dear. But they are so ingrained into some peoples vocabulary that they don't even notice that they are doing it.
2 people like this
@MichaelJay (1100)
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3 Apr 08
In Stoke, where I live, everybody is called duck. I have even heard men call each other duck, when they weren't thinking about it, it's just an ingrained habit. Great big hard brick-laying men, it sounds strange sometimes.
That 'mate' one does grate with me, too, but not as bad as 'pal'.
That one does get my goat.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Apr 08
Theone that totally gripes me is dude yakety yakety dude can I help you and I want to shout look at me I am a woman not a dude so do not use that term with me. Also people who say to me and my son You guys now I am far from being a guy. But theonethat really blows my cork is Girl Iam an elderly woman who has not been a girl for a long time so when a reference libarain called me one of the girlswho will help you I did tell him I am not a girl do not use that term again thank you. none of us were young enough to be considered girls.
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4847)
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3 Apr 08
these greetings can sometimes irk you ..granted...im afraid to say im not a fan of being called `Love`...but here in the midlands ..Duck..or Ducky..is a favourite greeting that everyone uses!!...im not a big fan of them....but they belong to the area i nn which i live...so to complain would be a wee bit churlish!!!
When we first moved here it was very difficult to get used to!!
Another thing that was funny when we first moved was the name used for bread rolls!!!...i went in and said about bread rolls ...to which they said...you mean cobs??!!.....
The one thing i wouldnt ever ever get used to is the slang term they use for their wife....maybe you have heard it..but they often call their wives...wait for it...GERT!!!!!.....now where the heck did that one come from??????
@nannacroc (4049)
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3 Apr 08
Bread rolls are not rolls or cobs, they're batches. I've never heard Gert before. My dad always referred to mum as his better half.
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4847)
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3 Apr 08
Batches..thats a new one!!!..if you are in scotland you would call a small loaf a `halfy`!!!!..
You speak about Derby and the trolley buses....i remember as a child sitting outside the corner shop..with a penny jubbly...they were frozen blocks of orange juice..in triangular packaging...watching the tram go by!!!
We as children were bought up in Thunscoe near Rotherham...and the family used to go to Donny market..Donny being Doncaster....to buy our `spice`....those being sweets!!!
1 person likes this
@dorypanda (1601)
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4 Apr 08
I do get quite cross when someone who I don't know calls me by my first name, I had that happen the other day. Some random bloke rang me and said, "hello, is that 'Dory'", I said, "yes" and assumed he either knew me or that he'd seen one of my adverts for my business and wanted to book a party, I wouldn't have minded so much if it was either of those things, but he wanted to sell me insurance, so I was quite cross. I did one day have someone ring me and say, "is that 'Dory'" and I said, "well, this IS 'Miss Panda'" and made a point of letting them know that I wanted to be referred to by my surname.
One of my nephews seems to hate being called sweetheart for some reason, I call him sweetheart because I forget he doesn't like it and he gets annoyed and tells me off.
Oh, I also get a bit annoyed when people who are younger than me call me bab.
@dorypanda (1601)
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4 Apr 08
Nope, it's short for 'me babby', it is a localism (think that's the word for it).
It goes waaaaaaay back to errrm, well, the time even before my Dad was born!
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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4 Apr 08
That familiarity by strangers irritates me too. I am amazed how many telesales people do it though. I love the sweetheart thing with your nephew. It's the sort of thing that I do, and receive much the same response! I was just sayin to Pumpkin, I haven't come across "Bab" before. Must be a local expression I think. I presume that it is short for "Babe".
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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5 Apr 08
Agh I see. I can understand your objection to being called "Bab" by someone younger in that case. There are local names that get given. Where I come from the locals will sometime refer to men as "boys" as in "Hello Boy". Irrespective of their age or how well they know them. I am not too bothered by that that and have never heard it said by a shop worker..
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
3 Apr 08
You probably wouldn't like Australia then because they say "mate" all the time LOL
Umm I don't think there is any term that bothers me actually.
@anonymili (3138)
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4 Apr 08
That's quite amusing as I don't mind being called "mate" by friends or colleagues but would find it overly familiar like you do if someone in a shop said that to me. I have Aussie and Kiwi colleagues who use "mate" all the time and I use "hun" and "sweetie" quite often but only with people that I know well enough that won't take it the wrong way. Personally the thing that grates most is being called "Ma'am" or "Madam" in a shop. I would rather someone just said "Can I help you?" than add either of those words on the end, it just makes me feel 80 for some reason and I have 40 years to get to that lovely age LOL! When I visit India I get called ma'am or madam a lot and it really grates but I have to grit my teeth and bear it as that's the culture over there in the service industry and people would be upset if I said "Don't call me that!"
@anonymili (3138)
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4 Apr 08
I thought I'd better add here that I'm in the UK like you pal where mate is quite a commonly used expression when referring to friends like pal, and words like buddy or chum are less common these days. It's just not very normal to hear a shop assistant using it...
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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4 Apr 08
Yes I know that you are here - unless you had popped off for a holiday. Thank you for answering the Ma'am question. A lot of people have said that they don't like to be called that, but haven't said what they prefer instead. I don't mind my mates calling me mate. It's others that irritate me.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
I've noticed someone has already stated this, but here in Australia, 'mate' is quite a common form of greeting, only it is more often 'G'day Mate'. I know I have used it a fair bit, both with people I know, and with some I've never met. I can't say I'm fond of the use of it from women to women though, just doesn't sound right.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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4 Apr 08
I think in a country where a phrase is ingrained in to the vocabulary, it is easier to accept. But the use of "mate" in this country to people that aren't your mates has become used, I think, in all sorts of inappropriate places - shops in this instance. But when in Rome...etc.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
3 Apr 08
There are not really any names that bother me anymore. When I moved from Ohio to Mississippi it took me forever to get used to the way people talk to you. Everyone calls everyone else; honey, babe, baby, sugar, sweetie, darlin'...
It used to bug me to no end! Then there is the Ma'am. I was like 21 when I moved there, I didn't want people calling me that! They also call you Miss (your firstname) or Mr. (firstname).
Now I live in New Jersey and I miss how much nicer people were down there! People up here are downright rude!
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I don't know. I don't like it at any age. I wasn't raised that way though. The kids down south are raised to say "Yes Ma'am" and "Yes Sir" to everyone that is an adult, and especially to their parents.
My children were raised to say it to their teachers and others; but not to us. I get the respect thing but it is too formal for my liking.
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
I dislike the C word... that's about the only word I refuse to say and it makes my skin crawl when I hear it.
I was called "Darling" once while in bed with a lover. I almost peed myself laughing. Does that mean that name irks me some? lol.
Oh! I know a word that drives me batty.... "SOULMATE". It's a major trigger for me because of the common usage of it from people having extramarital affairs. More often than not, the ones in the affairs refer to their lovers as their "soulmate". It just makes me ill. It doesn't help that I don't think we each have only one soulmate... I believe we have many in this world; it's just a matter of finding one.
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
Darling for tongue and cheek humour is different... and you likely pronounce is "DaHling" too, right? (eek! now I have visions of Billy Crystal doing his "You look MAHvelous!" skit).
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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3 Apr 08
Are we soulmates Canada? Are we? I am not even sure what the words mean. I feel that I am on a similar wavelength as some people that I know, but I don't feel that our souls are entwined. I would never use the C word to someone, but I confess to having thought it about a former employer of mine just today as his latest bullying tactics come to light. Darling is an interesting word. I use it, not in bed I think. A good female friend and I use it all the time, but it is very tongue in cheek.
1 person likes this
@wittyakanksha (436)
• India
3 Apr 08
Oh i understand !!
There are times when you walk into a store and you're the kind of a person who is not too outgoing about everything.I mean I'm ok with a salesperson trying to be nice and casual with me but there has to a line drawn when it comes to catering to customers..
The word that puts me off with strangers is honey..I have nothing against the word it's just taht it puts me off completely!!!And at these times i make it a point to let teh person taht I don't appreciate being called by such names and I have been fortunate enough I must say that my requests have always been heeded for.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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3 Apr 08
When I purchased my item from the same store later the checkout assistance called me Darling. But that didn't bother me. Weird really. I have ben called honey by women, on this site in fact, and I find it rather affectionate. But no on has called me mate thank goodness.
@pinoymouse (28)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
Well all I can say Mate is dont come to Australia cause we call anyone we like mate, even some we dont like. Its a term of endearment like cobber, buddy,chum etc
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
6 Apr 08
My name is Rosie, when people call me Rose or Rosa, it irritates me. My name is not hard to say and I consider it disrespectful when someone calls me anything else, especially, after I have already corrected them.
One of my doctor's calls me babe and that is rather annoying, but I do not think that he means anything by it, he says it to all the females. So I just grin and bear it.
@ElicBxn (63639)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I don't like to be called "ma'am" makes me feel old. Well, I am old now I guess, but still....
I HATE when I someplace like a hospital and they call me Mrs. - I've worked hard to stay single ya now. I can't tell you how many men I've run off in my youth - 4 or 5 anyway....
@ElicBxn (63639)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I'd actually rather be called by my first name. I kind of tread lightly at mom's place. Most of her friends I feel comfortable calling by their first names - now - but some of the ladies are so proper that I only call them by their last names, Mrs. "X" so to speak.
One lady like that has a school named after her near my house, she demanded to know how I knew her name and I told her my mom pointed her out and that I live close to the school - that appeased her - some.
YIKES!
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
3 Apr 08
First, I like the word "niggles". :)LOL...oh the British...
I don't really have a name that grates for the most part. If someone says dear or sweetie in a condescending fashion then I get a little peeved but other than that, I let lots of things go.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Oooh the British a laugh a minute using the Queen's English! I love it! I have to visit there some day!
@dawnmadison (48)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I think that professional people should address you properly. Using a slang term is not professional. She should have said, something similar to, "How may I help you?" or "What can I help you find?" Leave off the slang. It grates on me also.
@completist (54)
• China
4 Apr 08
Yes . I think it happens to many bodies . I have the similar situation . I`m Chinese ; my name is Wang Xiaoqing . You know , in China one`s family name is in the front of his name and my first name is Xiaoqing . There is a famous actress called Liu Xiaoqing . So some people who don`t see me before reading my name often consider me a girl . It`s so embarrassed !
@ThePaintGuru (541)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Over-familiar salespeople bug me a little. They're too pushy. Once, when I was shopping for furniture, the person followed me around the store the whole time, and I must admit it was a bit unnerving. I think there were too many people working there and not enough customers.