My heart broke for my daughter and not sure how to make it better.
By TriciaW
@TriciaW (2441)
United States
April 5, 2008 4:56am CST
My daughter is 13 but seems much younger because she has dwarfism. She is just getting into the whole boy thing now but not in a real big way yet. Well they are having a dance at school next weekend and this boy in her class asked her if she would go with him. That means they meet up there and tell others they are together*L* Well she first said no because she was embarassed. Her older sister told her that was mean because he likes her and it took a lot for him to ask her. Of course then the whole night was filled with boy talk. Well she decided it wasn't a bad thing to go with a boy so she wrote him a note saying she was sorry for how she reacted and then asked if he wanted to go to the dance with her. The boy read the note on the bus in front of everyone. Leaving out the part where he asked her to go. She was so embarassed that when she got in my car she burst into tears and said she was never going back to school. My heart broke for her and it got worse as the night went on. She asked me if she would ever have a boyfriend since she was so small. I told her of course she would. I also told her that boys do silly things and him reading the note and telling her not to give him notes was just a stupid thing boys did. It must have been really bad and embarassing cause 3 girls from the bus called her last night to see if she was ok. I just feel so bad for her but really don't know what to say to make it better. You know it always hurts so much when your child is hurting. What would you say to her?
4 people like this
15 responses
@gavsmomjamie (319)
• United States
5 Apr 08
Sounds like your raising an amazing young lady Tricia! I have a cute, blonde, curly haired boy here ( my son) that would love to be her boyfriend anytime! LOL, save us both the heartache and headaches ;)
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
9 Apr 08
She has sure been put on the spot. People can be so cruel. Most of the time, it is because they don't understand and they don't know how to deal. I hope that she is doing better. I don't have the answers, my son has CP and can't understand why people don't want to make friends with him. It is heart wrenching. I totally understand how hard it is to know what to do. Could you talk with a counselor at school and explain that she is having trouble dealing with her disability, maybe they could intervene an help her feel better about herself.
@TiffanieC (827)
• United States
6 Apr 08
Wow! That's really hard! Boys can do stupid things and I'm sure this had nothing to do with her dwarfism. While reading this the first thing that came to my mind is that he got his feelings hurt when she turned him down so he decided to hurt her. So sad! That makes me so sad for your daughter! The good thing is hopefully she won't have to deal with superficial jerks and the relationships that she does have will be higher quality ones. Sometimes adversity can have many blessings attached.
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
6 Apr 08
Kids can be so cruel. Your poor daughter. The next few days are probably gone to be a struggle for your daughter. The kids in school will be talking about what happened. In a few days time though something else will happen that will be the new gossip with the kids and what happened on the bus will be forgotten. You mentioned her friends called to make sure she was ok, at least you know that when she goes to school that she has people standing by her. My only advice tell her to walk into school with her head held high. Kids can smell weakness and she'll be like a fish in the shark tank if they see she is bothered by what happened. This will all blow over in a few days. All you can do is be there for her to talk and a hug.
@darcyxdaun (78)
• United States
6 Apr 08
I can offer some advice on this as I had a similar incident in middle school! I had my first boyfriend and I was super excited and everything. Things were going good for a little while. I snuck up behind him one day in the gym (we had to sit there until the bell rang) and I was sitting behind him and was fixing to surprise him and I overheard him talking to his buddies. Out of no where he yelled out "We're breaking up TODAY" and he yelled it soooooooo loud the whole gym got quiet (6, 7, 8 graders..). I tapped him on the shoulders and when he turned around the look in his eyes made me bust out in tears. I never told my mom about that because 1 - I was so embarassed and 2 - there wasn't really anything she could do!
__What I did__ Over the course of that year I started to get a little stronger and more cautious towards all of the boys in the school. I spent more time with my girl friends and my family. I'd suggest having a 'girls night out' with your daugthers. Make them feel good about themselves and to teach them you dont need a guy to make you happy. Of course sometimes its nice to have them around though ;0) Best of luck to you.
@getnbuy (1312)
• United States
6 Apr 08
I think all of you are right. There is just one more thing that I think should be considered. I think the boy should be told how badly he hurt the girl. Either a parent , a counselor, or a teacher should talk to him. My son was small for his age and he was bullied a lot. One time a big kid picked him up and scraped his back against a brick wall. I went to the asst. principal. She was horrified. The next day she called the boy in along with the other kids who witnessed it and told them what a bad thing they had done. She challenged them all to apologize to my son. They all apologized with sincerity and he felt much better. Those children never bothered him again. They all became good friends.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
5 Apr 08
Awwwwww, that's a really mean thing for that boy to have done. Well, perhaps you'd like to relate this to your daughter.
There is a "midget" lady who lived in my home town. She still does, but I live a few miles away now. She too went through a bad time, at school, but never did she realise that she was going to grow to be happier than those who scorned her.
She walked with her head in the air and ignored their taunts. Then, when she left school, she secured a good, secretarial job where she has worked ever since. She must be over 40 years old now, and she is great. She's taken all that life's thrown at her and grown to love herself for what she is. Therefore, others love her, for her happy-go-lucky charm. She has a partner... I'm not sure whether they're married but they've been together for many years. He is about 5ft 9ins tall, and she doesn't come much futher up than his waist, if that far, but, it's quite cute to see him pick her up and give her a loving kiss!
I know it's hard, but if your daughter can survive school, by ridding herself of the negatives and applying a positive mental attitude, I'm sure she will come through it like the girl I know... with flying colours, a good job and a caring man. All she has to do is learn to love herself for who she is, and to walk with pride and dignity, and her eyes will attract much love from others.
Brightest Blessings.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
5 Apr 08
That is so sad for your daughter. I am guessing that she hurt the boys pride by telling him no at first, so he was trying to get back at her~ that sounds like a stupid boy thing!
I am so glad that she has great friends on the bus that called to make sure that she was ok after this incident. That is what is important, and I would strss this to your daughter.
I always tell my kid (and I have boys) that they always have their family and friends there for support. The girlfriends( boyfriends in your case) will come and go.
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
5 Apr 08
Oh my heart goes out to your daugher now. I've always and still am self-conscious about my height since i'm onlly 4'11" and 19. But what that boy did was really mean. I would tell her to hold her head up and walk into the school and act like it didn't hurt her. If people see her like that they won't say anything. Tell her to be strong and hang in there because karma is a b#tch. Actually don't say that word but you know what I mean. Kids can be real cruel and don't know how much they have hurt someone until someone does the same thing to them. I hope that your daughter is okay, and she will be. She has to be strong and show those people that she doesn't care what they say.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
5 Apr 08
In 20 years she'll look back at it an laugh. Of course now it seems like the world will end. I'm sure she knows that people can be real jerks. I'd tell her that any boy is lucky to be friends with her but if he wants to be mean about it she needs to ignore him completely and keep on moving because there are boys out there that will treat her a lot better than that jerk.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
5 Apr 08
I am so sorry for your daughter, sometimes boys can be so cruel. I do not know why he would do such a mean thing, maybe he had a reason for it but surely if he wanted to get back at her for saying no the first time, he could have found some other way instead of humiliating her. It upset me to read this, imagining her on the bus. There is not a lot you can say to make it better, just be there for her as you are doing and tell her that he is just a prat and that someday what he did will come back and bite him on the butt, and it is called karma! I strongly believe in the sayings of what you give expect to receive, and what goes around comes around. Hope she feels happier soon x
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
5 Apr 08
She sounds like a beautiful young lady.And it's sad that she had to experience that,let her know that boys can be like that sometimes.He must really like her and felt hurt by her refusal to attend the dance with him.Being the mother of three sons, they even amaze me by the stupid things they do.Tell her that it's his lost.Tell her to hold her head up and never let anyone crush her spirits. Stay beautiful and strong.
@luckycharm00812 (621)
• United States
5 Apr 08
My heart goes out to her. If she doesn't want to go to the dance, I think you should plan an evening just for her. Have her invite some of her friends over for a sleep over, or to a nice dinner at a restaurant. Make the night about her.
Make sure she knows all boys aren't the same, and while they are young, they all eventually grow up and change. Hopefully into good people.
Give her lots of love.
@gavsmomjamie (319)
• United States
5 Apr 08
It sounds like you raising an amazing young girl Tricia. I have a cute, blonde curly haired boy ( my son) that would love to be her boyfriend anytime lol! Same us both some heartache and headaches!
