In or out of love

Good point. I have not decided yet whether I want to stay with him or not. But I have decided from day one that my kids are the priority. As long as he loves the kids, I can and will have to play my role carefully. If I do leave him, I doubt that I will want to find myself another partner. I be too worried about what will happen to my kids. I hear so much stories about step father etc abusing kids and the kids feeling neglect when their parents remarried and start a new family. I am not ready for another relationship. I just want my space and time. However, when I watch my kids play I realized they are the reason why i am still working hard to make a living and the same reason why I have not left their father yet. I must admit, he is a good provider, he works hard to pay the bills. But he does not feel there is a need to sacrifice for the kids. I prefer to work harder and give the kids a better neighborhood to live in where he does not agree. He prefers to send the kids to school where crime rates are high, I disagree. I want them in a better neighborhood where I don't need to worry day and night about what might happen that day. Am I wrong for feeling this way? This is just one example of the issues we encounter daily that makes me dissapointed. I may be taking my role as a mother too seriously but I cannot help it. they are my kids and they are my everything. (I am pretty sure every mother feels the same way).

Thank you. Yes I agree mutual respect for one another is important. We maybe lacking that. It is difficult to walk out of the relationship because It will affect the kids too. I feel that I have lost all decision powers because I am a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love being their mother. But it sure is a huge price to pay. Maybe because I am so dissapointed in him that over the years I lose any respect I have for him. As I get older, he becomes more immature and what used to be cute is no longer cute because I feel he is not acting his age. But thank you for the advice and yes I will pm you. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. This is great, it is like having a dozen friend to talk to. It feels better talking/ writing about it. I held this feeling inside for so long because I did not want to share this with any of my friends or family.

I used to be pretty silent too. I am a quiet person. Growing up, I was known as the "kid who didn't talk". I try to be peaceful and often sucked things up in hopes of finding peace. thing is by holding it in and putting up with stuff, you are not really finding real peace. My kids were close enough to me to sense that even tho I didn't talk about things and I smiled a lot, I was not really happy. I wasn't. It was a lot of work to put on such a front and I concluded not fair to myself or my kids. I deserved to be happy and my kids deserved a mom that was genuinely happy as well. So do you and yours.

Thank you. Wow, it must be hard to smile and not talk. I will try and keep that in mind. Sometimes my faces tells everyone around me what I am feeling. However, over the years I learned a little bit how to be all smiles yet crying on the inside. Thanks for the advice. I hope you also find peace too and good luck. You are strong and thanks for the advice

Only if the home is peaceful. A very good advice. i will remember that. On average our home is pretty peaceful. We don't fight, I just grief in silence at the things their father does. The annoying things that sets a bad example for the kids. I wish he would see the negative role model he is setting up. Showing the kids that it is ok to watch TV and do homework is bad. Showing the kids it is ok to consider dating a priority compared to school is bad. My son is only 12 and he already encourage dating and no metion of homework. It drives me nuts when I come home from work after a tired day to realize my son did not do his homework because his dad said it was ok to do it tomorrow. Instead my son spent the day playing games and talking on the phone while dad spent his day on the T.V. I understand after a long day at work, he deserve this time to relax. But this the sacrifice i ask for in return. Everyone has to work hard when they have kids. Kids don't raise themselves to be responsible if you don't show them the right from wrong. Sometimes my husand tells me I take life to serious. Maybe I do. I just feel there is only one chance to show my kids what a future they can build for themselves based on the choices they make. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I can finally get some of my silent fustration out. Since we continue to have a peaceful home, I think I shall stay for the sake of the kids.

I'm glad that i could help. I see your problem clearer now,your husband should push for your childrens education all the more seeing that his was limited.I always sress the importance of education to my kids,and no one can deter me from that, that is the biggest demand i put on them. Thing's are not like in my days it's a lot more competitive for them, life is getting harder and a good education can open doors for them that i just can't. That is one area i advise you to stand firm on.Good luck i'm rooting for you.

Dragonfly242 Thanks. It is good to know that I am not the only one expecting education as an important part of them. My husband insist that I am too hard on my kids. But I feel that I need to set a good example. I went back to school in Spring of last year for a while until I had to take a break because my daughter autistic behavior got out of hand. i wanted to show my son that an education is neccesary at any age and essential. I hope to continue my education soon so I can set the good example. However, I am beginning to feel my husband is contributing to irritating my daughter so I can delay going back to school. I attend school via online courses only, but I still need to quiet time to study and do homweork etc. So overall, I am pretty disappointed in him being this way. One obstacle after another.

Dragonfly242, Thank you for the kind support. I agree I resentful because my feelings and thoughts are put aside all the time. Especially when my thoughts and feelings are not for myself but the sake of the kids. I insist on working harder to provide better living for the kids. He believes the kids can be just as happy sitting at home. as a child, I did not have any of the things my friends have. It was horrible, I felt left out all the time. My son seems depressed lately, and I fear peer pressure and the left out feeling is taking over his emotions. I want to be there for my son, but my husband refuse to work more hours so I can be home, part time when they got off from school. To help them with homework etc. Their father does not help with homework at all. he does not feel it is important to be doing homework. He puts education last because he did not have one and it should not matter. I totally disagree, in today's society, education can take a you a long way. Building the kids future when they are young starts with education. I dont know what to do. I thought I married a man, I realized that I married a male (boy). I hope he can be more mature and realized that I am only asking for the best for the kids. Thank you for takin the time to read my post and allowing me to spill my guts out. I feel a little bit better.

Thank you. I will keep it up and for the sake of the children, I will continue to keep fighting for what I believe is best for the children. I sometimes don't understand why he feels living in a neighborhood where there is so much crime is not a bad idea. I prefer to pay more for the rent and be in a safe neighborhood where I can trust that my kids are safe in the backyard or something. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am glad I can share my thoughts and receive so much support and suggestions/ advice in return. Thank you again.