Bipolar and Me

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Although I pose this discussion as my own rant I do welcome any and all comments that may come forth from this ramble. My grandmother pulls the trigger to the gun that is my bipolar ways. I dislike her for it, I even hate her for it yet that I word I try not utter unless I am in such a foul mood that I can not help but to do so. She has been the trigger puller for as long as I can remember and even so before I was told that I had bipoalar disorder. The next line that I type may be hard for a few of you to believe, I know if I was the recipient of such knowledge I would be hard fast in disbelief of such. My grandmother does it on purpose. How you might ask? why? Are you sure you might even utter. I am also sure that a few "No, your just an awful person" will have been thought or even uttered across this vast internet. Yes,though, she does. She does it for attention, I believe she does it because she herself is bipolar. It wouldn't be hard to believe, those with knowledge in this field understand that it is not uncommon for it to happen. My grandmother is, in my eyes, a bipolar individual. She has been for many years, and I am almost certain that she has been from her own puberty years. I am not in her grasp any longer but the scars that have been left upon me are just as deep and become deeper every time I remember them. It's hard to forget, and hard to wash away day after day. My family has been torn to ruins because of her antics, although I know that they would be hard fast to actual acknowledge it. On to another subject or side note of a subject that I hope to go onto in this long rant that I have. Words trigger me, memories trigger me, things that remind me of my grandmother will trigger the most ferocious of feelings and I can only cry and act out in a manner that I wish not to ever do. I get scared that people may try to seek help for me, but I know in my heart the only help I need is that of which I can obtain myself. Clarity of mind, the act of allowing my every thought to be cleansed by being put out into the world. Has this helped you? I hope so, because I know it has helped me.