Marrying older or not marrying at all...
By lifbrue
@lifbrue (108)
United States
April 10, 2008 7:06am CST
I've heard way too many times recently that it's better to get married later in life when you already have things sorted out and together OR it's better not to get married at all because it just complicates things in a relationship. I can understand getting married when you're older and waiting until you've been your crazy single self and moved to Colorado twenty times on a whim before you "settle down" and commit to someone or something in life. Fine.
But I've heard WAY too many times the advice that goes something like this: "Don't get married, it will wreck your life." Well, those who say that probably were already pretty dysfunctional before they got married and their married relationship just acted in such a way to bring that to the surface. They probably didn't talk out expectations with their lover before taking the plunge. And they probably don't value commitment and loyalty the way that marriage calls for.
My marriage has kept me alive and on two feet. Otherwise, I would have been some sort of ungrounded crazy guy who takes random trips all over the country all the time for little or no reason. I'd be lonely. I will make the claim that anyone who is anywhere near introspective and self-knowing will understand that the only thing really valuable in our short time on earth is relationships. Relationships require stability, loyalty, commitment -- things that make our A.D.D. minds spin just thinking about.
3 people like this
18 responses
@CherBear04 (483)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I am 21 and my husband is 19. We are a young married couple who love each other very much. However, when we were first announced our engagement March 2007, we heard more about how we would probably be divorced in 7-10 years than we did "congratulations!"
People talked to us as if we did not know the type of commitment we were making and that we were heading for heartache and disloyalty - we even had someone say "Do you really think he can be happy with you all that time? He will most likely cheat on you."
My husband and I DID talk about all of our expectations and realize that marriage was a huge decision and big commitment, but we were both willing to make it. Has it been easy? No way, it's been pretty rough trying to get used to being an adult with someone else. But at the end of the day, we still know we have that partner to hug or kiss before we go to bed, and that person that cares about you even if you do some stupid things.
@CherBear04 (483)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Thanks for the best response! I just thought I would also add that we did not meet until a few months before I turned 20, and that he was the first person I ever kissed.
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I personally, am young, at 21. I want to get married by the time I am at most 24. I've been with the same man since I was 15 years old, and he is my first boyfriend. I've never experimented with anyone else in my life. He is 23 right now. We love eachother very much, and I made the decision a long time ago that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. We do pretty much everything together. We have a bank account together, loans, and credit cards, we also live together and have been for the past 3 years. We have our differences, but we always settle them, because it only makes things worse to keep it bottled up inside.
I think it all depends on the person or even the couple itself. Sometimes people aren't mature enough for a lifetime commitment with someone, and others are. I personally think I'm ready, and that I can deal with the struggles in life that relationships bring, and that a relationship can get through.
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Well, we are currently living with my parents because of financial issues. We're trying to get caught up on stuff. He's actually already purchased an engagement ring/wedding ring combo for me, but doesn't want to give it to me at just any old time. He wants to take me out somewhere nice and have it be a memorable time. I told him that whenever he gives it to me, it will be memorable, but he just wants to make it as special as he can. We're actually trying to get a house together also, but again, financial problems are in the way. We are doing fairly well though, getting things taken care of rather quickly. MyLot is helping a little bit, to get little things that we may want, that way we don't have to spend our earnings from our fulltime jobs on stuff we want, rather than stuff that needs to be paid off.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I, personally, do not think that I will ever get married because marriages are complicated. A lot of marriages are filled with nothing but problems. Why put yourself through that torture? If you get married, make sure that you are really in love with the man, I mean make sure that he is everything that you generally want him to be (make sure that it is realistic as well). Do not marry for money. Women who have done this are lonely and miserable. Do not marry because it seems like a good thing at the time. People who do this really end up hurt in the end. Marry for love, marry because that is the person that you really want to be with for the rest of your life. Do not be another statistic. When you get marry, be absolutely sure that that is what you want because there are far too many divorces going on nowadays and it is getting more and more expensives as the years go by. Divorce is not cheap, depending the on circumstances, it can be very costly and painful.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
marriage is not for everyone, but neither is being single, I do agree with you people that say never marry have some serious issues and are projecting them on everyone around them.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
all my friends who are married wishes to be single again, and advices me not to get married too soon... ok so how is that?? im torn with the kind of decision i will make in my future.. to marry or not to marry. I guess only God knows and he is the only one who can guide me on this one.
I am sure it will change my life. but i am sure too that i can also be happy - if i married the right one. so how do i know im marrying the right one? haha that sure is another question that must be answered on a different topic. :)
@worldktty (4)
•
11 Apr 08
yes marrying older is better i did that i know where i stand have accomplised few things in life before committing myself..
@subha12 (18441)
• India
11 Apr 08
i think i depends. but i don't know why, nowadays,still marriage is looked upon a sgreat institution. but the idea to live single is coming up. i think may be some are thinking they are happy to be single and marriage is too much complex thing.
@zxtzxt (214)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
I guess it depends all the time. I see people get married in their teens and live happily until their kids are teens themselves. I also see people get married in their mid twenties but wants to get out and eventually seperated at a couple of years.
Age is not the factor here, its the couple who made decisions about their lives.
@jeaniezheng (229)
• China
11 Apr 08
I have got married with my husband on 2009.9.18. I feel no big changing sfter our marriage.we love each othermore than before.Our affection is deeper.We can share happiness and sadness together.I feel comfortable and relax with each other. Except work time we spent all the time together.And we don't feel tired.I think if you fine this feeling maybe the marriage is here.
@mimm45 (168)
• Australia
11 Apr 08
I got married at a later age. For me it was because I had to take care of things at home. I am very happy. My husband is very loving and gentle. I may not have been 'crazy' when I was single but when I want to do crazy things now my husband understands. He has those moments too so we do it together. It makes it all the more fun! When we decided to get married we were very committed and we even discussed things such as where we want to be 10 years from now or what we will do if certain things come up. We were sort of both immature and mature enough when we started this relationship. I think in marriage you both have to make an effort to make it work.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
I got married at the age of 23. Marriage is a commitment. Before you decide to get married, you must consider things like if you are physically stable, financially stable and the very important thing to consider is you must be emotionally stable...So I prefer that you enjoy being single so when you decide to get married your whole time and your life will focus only on your family...
@rombi001 (941)
•
10 Apr 08
I guess if you want to have a family with children you will want to get married. but if your ultimate goal in life is a successful career then you won't get married. or even if you do you will be too occupied with work. I wouldn't say relationships wget complicated when you marry, I would think that you feel more comfortable with your wife/husband than your partner...
@reeseyj (906)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I met my husband when I was 16 and we have been together for 16 years in August.The way I feel about marriage is that you should either wait until you know who you are and what you want and have stability or get married young and come up together. I think coming up together is better because you have a stronger bond because everything your spouse has been through you went through it with them. You accomplished everything together and I think that makes for a great marriage.
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Ive been divorced and id recommend marriage just make sure you are ready for it. I dont think it matters when you get married as long as its what you want. Be sure it is the right person that will make you happy.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
10 Apr 08
It was meeting and marrying my hubby that got me out of the downward spiral mess I was making in my life. I was not handling life on my own very well at all and meeting him gave me a real purpose in life. People do not realise that you have to put a lot of hard work into making a marriage work, it is not all just sunshine and flowers, it is a lot of give, a lot of compromise, and a lot of everything, and when things get tough it is about sticking it out and finding a way through it and not just giving up and walking away because it is not what you expected.
