marriage problems
@judy_ortega2000 (14)
United States
April 10, 2008 10:06am CST
I just got married on the 23rd of march(2008) and my husbands mom died on the 26th of march. Since then I have been by his side making dinners for his dad and siblings, and comforting him as much as possible. He has yet to shed one tear, he expresses his feelings with pure anger. We have not had one moment together alone since we got married, and he is never home. He comes home from work at 3:00 dropes off his lunch and then leaves until 11:00. By that time I am already sleeping. He called me yesterday at 6:00 from his dads house and said he would be home in 45 minnutes, I waited and had dinner made but he didnt show till 10:50. I cant take being home alone. Am I not being understanding? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
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6 responses
@kjcolmo (24)
• United States
12 Apr 08
Due to the issue of your husband loosing his mom. He could be in a phase of shock,denial,or avoidance. Its also possible that he is trying to deal with it in his way. Though, your now his wife and is suppose to be with you. Him coming home alot later then he says is absolutely rediculous.
I would sit him down, talk to him alone. No one around, no sitraction such as tv etc. Talk to him on things. If he wont give you an answer I would warn him, explaining your feelings, how you feel avoided,not loved, not wanted. Good Luck
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@judy_ortega2000 (14)
• United States
15 Apr 08
awsome advice. Thank you very much.
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@asawanialvin0611 (1877)
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
to understand a man, read Men are from mars, women are from venus
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@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
12 Apr 08
I can understand how you feel, but he just lost his mom. That is very hard for anyone to go through. Just because he didn't cry doesn't mean he isn't hurting. Talk to him and let him know how you feel, but remember he is grieving and right now he needs to be able to grieve. He is probably spending a lot of time with his dad as well to be able to help his dad through this time. I'm sure that things will be fine soon.
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@judy_ortega2000 (14)
• United States
12 Apr 08
Thank you. Its hard. I can understand I lost my mom 4yrs ago. But I was single so I didnt have the pressure that I am putting on him. Thank you for helping me see that. And Im sure in time things will be ok.
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@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I understand your side and its quite hard also for him this moment. Considering what happened. Maybe you accompany him if he wanted to stay more time in his family and be there, you know, maybe he just also wanted to be present in their home to have all the support for every member of the family..There is nothing wrong with you and that is normal, but just support him this time until they will all recover!if you think after his work, he will hang out in his dad's house go there and prepare food for them..That is just my opinion and you can always reject it or maybe another member will give a better idea though!
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@judy_ortega2000 (14)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I think you are right. He probabley stays at his dads house so much because it brings back memories of his mom. And I will take your advice and spend more time with him there. thank you.
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@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
First, I would like to give you my best wishes for your married life.
Second, I would like to send my condolences to you and your husband and his family.
Well, he is going through rough times obviously. For now, be very considerate and understanding. Help him pick up the pieces again. Take care and good luck!
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@judy_ortega2000 (14)
• United States
12 Apr 08
Thank you. We are taking it step by step.
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@elsoft12 (1821)
• India
10 Apr 08
You must be an understanding person now...its never easy to deal with certain losses.Be patient and just be a reponsible person working with his family and taking care of them as well as your husband..Once things settle down..all your efforts will be duely acknowledged.
You should look it as an oppurtunity to show your love to your husband and his family by taking care of them in the troubled times.
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@judy_ortega2000 (14)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Thank you for your response. And I will take your advice.
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