Why is it so difficult for a relationship to work out when you have kids!!

I recommend you grab a copy of 7 habits of highly effective people, by steven covey. he explains why we need to have paradigm shift. as adults we argue about things kids do most of the time because it frustrates or embarasses us - but what you really need to do is remember that: 1. they are kids and need to be taught how to behave civilized. 2. allow them to be kids and stop expecting them to behave like responsible adults. 3. should be #1 - lead by example. 4. find creative ways of making your children do as expected. example 1: i got my son to finally eat his food, by commenting that i won because i finished eating first and we've been competing ever since(well at least he is) example 2: i got him to stop wetting the bed by explaining to him that he is becoming a big boy and that big boys don't wet their beds, because the use the bathroom right before bedtime. so try to get the kids to want to do what is required to lessen the arguments. the book also suggests you create role based schedule... 1. list the roles you play - mom, wife, house keeper, employee, little league coach, pastor, etc 2. number the roles 1-7 3. get a weekly schedule and block out time for each role and either color code it or use a number if what you want to write is too long. so you might block out 8 hours per day for your role as an employee, and maybe an hour or two each day for house keeping, then pick a few hours to act like a wife, and a mom. so you could plan to be a mommy on wednesday between 6-8pm by watching 'little nemo' with you child, or saturday from 11am - 3pm to take your child to a petting zoo or theme park, or an arcade. like wise you can plan special time to cook a certain meal you've research online days in advance, a well a quality time with your spouse, etc. the important thing is to cover every role. you don't need to do it exactly as stated but putting them on a schedule allows you to visually see how much time is being allotted. unfortunately it also reminds you that if you are employed that about a 3rd of 'your life' is already blocked out for your employer, lolol. hope this *really* helps you out as i've been there and done that too and got the t-shirt(and sold it). i have 3 kids, 2yr and 3yr old girls and a 7yr old son. and to make matters worse i work shifts that range from 6am up to 9pm, so sheduling is more of a mental thing for me, or i simply don't include my work hours as it changes every week.

Hi there Latina! I think that you both need to compromise. I think that you're right though. He should start thinking of you and the children as his family. I think it's more fun when you all go out together. I think he should enjoy the company of your children first. It won't be difficult if he love them.

In marriage both you and your husband have to help each other especially in this stage as you still in adjusting period. 3 years has still have a lot of adjusting and you will have a lot of things to learn to each other along with your kids as marriage is not always a happy stage like after the wedding. Now you have a kids, both of you had shortcomings and there is a lot changes around you so you have to deal or work with that. In time when you learn all those things it would be very easy for both you, just hang on and never think of ending your marriage as it is forever and not because you just didn't do things you usually do before you will think it would end.Priorities change and now your priority is your kids and your living. It's all in the mind if both of you learn to relax your mind and don't let stress come in your head then it will be cool and then you will learn to think some ways to brighten up your relationship. You might plan to go and have some break just the two of you. you can temporarily get someone to watch your kids while your in vacation or it would be better if you bring the kids and have some vacation as a family in a place which are very relaxing and all of you will enjoy. Hope it help. Goodluck! and have a nice day

I guess you should both try to be more understanding with each other. The children will be part of your lives until they grow up. I think one has to give in to the other every once in a while. That way you don't have to argue about every single thing all the time. Don't pressure each other too much, it will only wear you out. If you do love each other, you would try to work things out between yourselves, so that you can have one happy family.

i feel for you...i think you have to discuss things with your spouse that you are now a FAMILY..meaning you are parents and that you have kids to love and take care for...yeah, having kids may be a little stressful but it doesn't mean you've got to let your relationship as husband and wife be affected just like that... maybe you have to take time to be involved with your children, in that way, you could bond with them and have a wonderful time as a FAMILY... Even though you got kids now, you still have to enjoy yourselves like what you used to when you don't have children yet...have a dinner-out, watch a movie or travel just the two of you.. You know what? Just enjoy your life, your family, your relationship, your kids, and everything will be fine and happy.. blessings...

In my case, it wasn't me who had a kid but my husband. What I did is, I treated the kid as my own. Try to talk to your husband, that he should accept the fact that when you got married it was sort of a package deal. He knows you have kids before you got married so he should adapt himself on that situation. That's what me and my husband did. And that's what keeps our relationship stronger.

Priority will change when marriage couple have kids. Life adjustment as a marriage couple and as parents to your children. It is a trial period in every marriage especially when children are still in tender age. This is where you know how strong your relationship with your husband and as a parent, your commitment for your kids. Plans for outing. Take turns to care for the children. Find time for you and your husband. If you want to go out, make it as a family outing otherwise you can get someone to look after your children when you want to spend time with your husband. Hope that helps.