beside LOVE,,, what is d next most important foundation of a better relationship
By jairgirl
@jairgirl (2877)
United States
April 14, 2008 10:52am CST
COMMUNICATION,,, for me that is the second most important foundation of a relationship.
i said this because i have seen relationships failed because either one is willing to REALLY (truthfully) communicate to one another.
Some argument starts with lack of communication, why? because some girls will only give HINTS and not fully convey the thoughts and the wants that they want so the guy being the STRAIGHT forward kind of mentality will just accept that maybe she is not really wanting it coz she doesnt say so.
a good example is,
a husband/boyfriend/partner will ask a pissed or upset wife/girlfriend/partner if they are OK or if there is something wrong.
most girls will answer I'M OK or THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, so if the guy doesnt know you well he will just accept what you said and move on to whatever he is doing and the poor girl will continue moping and be upset coz she thinks her partner SHOULD ASK AGAIN AND ASK AGAIN to find out and not just ask ONCE.
there are so many example that i can share that is based on my own experienced and i know it is not easy but once you figure out the key to being COMPLETELY open to your partner such communication will be easy and relationship will be more easy coz both sides will have a better understanding of what the other wants and desire.
also, i feel that a good communication leads to better understanding, trust, respect and friendship.
so to me that is my next vital foundation of my relationship.
what's yours?
takecare!
1 person likes this
7 responses
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
7 Jun 08
Communication is a big part and one of the keys to a good relationship. For me Trust is a huge thing as well...I have to know in my heart that I can trust him. If I can't...there's no point in going any further.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Jun 08
hello,
thanks for being here.
i agree with you completely, i cannot imagine myself being with a man that i will worry all the time, i hate to worry where he is, what he do, who he talked to, who he is chatting and on and on and on.
it will be a sad life and there is no point of having a partner that dont have a trust on it.
trust comes when you love someone and it is always best when you know and you feel secure about the love.
i know someone who is a slaved of worries coz she cannot trust her husband anymore but i am happy that she finally let go of the man coz he is just cheating on her all the time and it is not worth it.
i am happy that you know what you want in life and love, a lot of people dont know it and always settle for a partner just because they are afraid to let go or afraid to be alone.
wish you all the best.
takecare
@monishavakil (1019)
• India
15 Apr 08
hey we can be good friends as we really think alike. these factors such as respect friendship and truth are so very important in any relationship. if you wanna keep it for good these are the most important factors. for me good friendship is everything.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
15 Apr 08
hello monishavakil!
sure i would love to be your good friend., i am not sure how alike we are but i can still be your friend despite our differences.
yes, the factors you mention plays an important part in every relationship it just all depends on how we rank them, to me communication is next to love to some respect comes next to love, and on and on and on.
regardless, as long as the couple have great foundation and true love with each other such relationship will survive despite all the storms that comes around.
thanks for being here.
takecare!
@Carolyn63 (1403)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I agree, communication is the second most important thing in a relationship. It is only through the two that all things can be overcome. Keeping your feelings to yourself, bottling them up until you explode isn't an option. You aren't just hiding them from your spouse/partner, you aren't facing your own truth. I admit, it can be difficult if not handled correctly. People tend to take confrontations as an attack and not listen to what is actually being said. Especially if one has low self esteem in the first place. I feel that in a relationship it is give and take, but that doesn't mean one person gives their all and the other person take advantage. Both must have their ideals and ethics in place in order to fully be able to stand strong when needed and learn and grow when needed. Being stuck in old ideals and patterns only causes misunderstandings. Accepting them, looking at them, and understanding these will help you let go of judgement and open your ears, eyes and heart. If you aren't honest and open with yourself you will find it most difficult to express your true needs.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
15 Apr 08
hello carolyn,
wow! i was in-love with words LOL!
kidding aside, i love how you explain it, it is exactly how i feel.
i grew up not letting ANYBODY knows what's inside me and there are times that i even try to think it is not my thoughts.
then i have him, he open up my world in a manner that NOBODY does, it is a wonderful feeling knowing you can say anything to your partner without worries of being judge or be blame at of what you feel.
communication helps us a lot to see ourselves better and grow with the love we have.
yes, without the learning process, communication is not fully taking it's place coz we are not learning (adjusting, behaving) at all and the real understanding is not there.
again, thanks for such a wonderful post it sure gives me warmth.
takecare!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
16 Apr 08
ohhh, wow!
i am the same way back then, he will ask me many times before i can really open up BUT in our case he dont feel attacked he feels he is not making me happy and blames himself so it makes me feel afraid to open up coz i cant bear seeing him in pain when i know it is my issues, so to make it work for both of us and him not feeling that way is me approaching him this way...
"i have something to tell you but it is not caused by you and it is just me and i just want to talk and be heard"
if it involves both of us, i approached him like you do just my words is different LOL (i have something to tell you but dont be upset)
it sure helps coz he focus more on not being upset with what i am about to say and we just talk and figure out what is needed and do something about it.
i didnt realize how wonderful it is till he teach me to open up.
i feel he have learned from his past (he was divorced) and he feels communication failed then. and i am learning from my past too (growing up)
and so we are both freed and happy.
anyway, i love hearing bout your stories, i learn so much from you.
takecare!
@Carolyn63 (1403)
• United States
16 Apr 08
Thank you sweetie. There was a time I had trouble talking with my hubby. We all have baggage. It is sometimes difficult not to take past experiences and expect the same thing on current relationships. He would take things as an attack. I would prefer to bash my head against the wall then to have tried to talk to him. But I tricked him one day. I attacked myself first. Instead of saying that something he was doing bothered me, I first said, let me apologize if I have ever made you feel less or that I am taking advantage of you. I reversed it. From there we were able to talk. He wasn't threatened. We haven't had trouble since. I don't have to go round and about anymore. But I found a way in and once you do that, the way is clear.
Hugs
1 person likes this
@cutesmile_1728 (24)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
communication also for me was one of the important essential to have a better relationship. You need to have constant communication with each other otherwise everything may fade and turn out bad.
1 person likes this
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
14 Apr 08
hello cutesmile_1728,
that's great to know that you feel the same way.
yes, it has a huge effect in once relationship and if you do lack of a good communication with your partner it will be a hard one and often leads to a bad break up.
relationships needs constant nurturing and communication helps a lot to make it through.
thanks a lot and i wish you all the best!
takecare!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Communication is KEY!! Learning and relearning and helping each other do it better is what will help nurture a longterm and healthy relationship. Nobody is a mind reader. Men and women see things differently and have different perspectives on many things. If you are not open and clear about your preferences and expectations, then you will be dissatisfied and let down often. It's important for both partners to spend some time sharing what is most important and how both can help each other with these things.
Another thing about longterm relationships - they take proper care and feeding. I'm not talking about cooking, rather you need to make sure that you keep the relationship on the burner, revisit special times and memories, plan dates and celebrations, choose and research new interests and do them together. Don't let your fire die, don't begin to take each other and the relationship for granted.
1 person likes this
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
14 Apr 08
hello mommyboo,
thanks for coming by!
i agree with you wholeheartedly!
sure both sexes have their own world that no matter how hard we try it will always be different than ours, my husband and most guy friends i have usually tells me that they dont understand the EMOTION that runs in girl's vein LOL, but hey that makes girls special they give the emotion to the stiff straightforward man's personality.
true, we should continue feeding the love no matter how old or new it may be.
i also feel that we should keep the individual for who they are and not try to mold them for the person we want them to be.
i told my hubby that if we have a child i still want to have our OWN quality time together beside the bedtime coz i want to keep the spark and spice in our relationship.
we both know the importance of love and rekindling the love each time so no matter how busy he is at work, weekends is our date days and it is working pretty good to us coz we do stuff that is not only like going to the mall or eating out but as well as going to parks or enjoying stuff we both havent experienced yet.
thanks for sharing your views, you sure sound a happy person in your relationship as you know what is a good foundation of it.
takecare and i wish you all the best!
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
15 Apr 08
After love the most important thing is communication and then trust. They kind of go hand in hand. They are two of the most important things as is honesty. I don't think you have much of a relationship without those things.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
15 Apr 08
hello jezebella,
yes, it's true that communication goes hand in hand with trust as well as honesty, and yes without this the relationship is not as smooth as we want them to be.
some do survive but they are not TRULY happy unlike those who have shared the same respect and openness to one another.
thanks for sharing your views.
takecare!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
15 Apr 08
hello subha12,
welcome back :)
yes, sure communication can make or break a relationship.
i am not sure why you said (as it sounds to ME) that communication do break a relationship as well, in what way?
i can only say that a communication can break a relationship if
1. you are not honest on what you are communicating
2. you are not communicating at all
3. you are communicating but not straight as it is more on hints than a straight forward one.
i kinda understand why you said it harms but i am the kind of person who ask for clarity so your reply is important LOL...
seriously, i would love to hear your side bout this.
takecare!
