I need advice

Oh, if I had time, I would go back to my discussions around mid to late summer and show you what my daughter was going through..I was in distress because her boyfriend was very abusive and controlling..Fortunately she had a friend who was with her throughout this and one time when the boyfriend called, her friend was here and told him the truth, he was not treating her right.. Then the last straw was when he had called again and she got so upset, she started swearing bad in front of my 5 y/o..She hung up and he called back again, except this time I answered and said he should let her call back later and he asked me in a yelling voice, "why don't you just stay out of it" huh? That was the wrong thing to say to me, so I said I was staying out of it until you got her swearing like a sailor in front of her brother and now I am taking charge.. We had caller id at the time, so he kept trying to call for many days and then he finally stopped..But get this, he is still in contact with a couple of her friends and he wants to get back with her, but refuses to see he did anything wrong,.. In fact he still insists that she was wrong.. If I can find the time, I will sent you the l inks to these discussions, I got a lot of good advice, then again, you may get some here yourself, because I was fortunate that my daughter saw how bad that relationship was...

Whew.. This is a sticky situation. She could really resent the fact that your trying to break them up and want to be with him even more. I was in the exact same situation except it was my mom trying to break apart me and my abusive boyfriend. The more she pushed the more I wanted to be with him. But your daughter is a smart girl, I realized the way he was treating me wasent right and I bet you so does she. Just having a relationship at that age seems imnportant. WHat you might want to do is tell her how strong she is and beautiful. Encourage her to spend more time with friends and less with him, let her know she is fine without him but dont say to her "break it off". Take her to the mall and point out whenever a boy looks her way, letting her know there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I say a good heart to heart will help as long as you dont say that you hate the kis or that you want them to break up. Just let her know the dangers and that you think she is a smart girl and will always make the right decisions. Good luck and I hope that boy leaves the picture soon.

you are doing the right thing. Being in a relationship like that is bad enough but especially when she's only 15. He has got to go for her sake. I have never been in this situation before so I really don't know what to say. Have you talked to his parents about it? Do you think he will retaliate after he learns that he can't see her anymore? Will she sneak around to see him?

I have never had to do this and do not know how well it would work! The kids could meet behind your back! IS it possible to talk with his parents? maybe he needs intervention of some kind.

For me if your daughter really love the boy and doesn't want to lose him,just talk to her boyfriend about this things... Don't try to break them up... They have their own decision and it seems that your daughter is smart and can say no to her boyfriend. I think if the boy is really bad, your daughter will gonna realize it and will be the one to break up with the boy... Talk to the boy and tell him that if he really love your daughter he will stop his bad attitude and in controlling your daughter's life... Tell him that he must change and he must be one of the good influence in your daughter... Tell your daughter that you told this things to her boyfriend and if he doesn't change therefore he doesn't really love her... If this things happen I'm sure that your daughter will be the one to make the decision... Just trust your daughter... She will not make her life misserable... If she really love her boyfriend maybe there were good things that she is the only one who sees.... Just give her advice but never forced him to do things coz it will only make her do more what you don't wanna do... Hope that It will help... Goodluck and Godbless....

This same sort of situation happened with me, except I was the daughter. My parents told me I couldn't see the boy I had been dating for two years, which is a super long time for a sixteen year old. And honestly, I believe that by my parents saying that, it made me want to see him more. I don't know how your daughter is but for me, at sixteen, I thought I knew it all. I didn't see how awful a person he was until much later. I'm telling you this because when my parents said we couldn't see each other anymore, we snuck around, I lied, I ran away with him and eventually ended up in a mental hospital for a short time. I'm not saying that it may go this extreme but you should be really careful. It really tore me apart to not have the support of my parents and with all the stress I was going through, I couldn't handle it and just fell apart. I would say you just need to be open with your daughter and tell her your concerns, rather than saying she can't see him anymore. Let her know how much you love her and want her to be safe. I would say you should have supervised visits rather than say she can't see him anymore which could blow up in your face. I also want to tell you, even going through what I did with my parents, I'm a grown woman now with a child of mine, in a relationship that is not abusive. My mother is now my best friend. I just want you to know there is hope for any course you may choose to go down. I hope this helps in some way.

I know by experience, that forcing her to break up with him, will be a mistake. They will find a way to be together. It sounds like your daughter is open with you, and you do this, she won't be. I would spend my time, discussing the things he does and telling her that all guys are not like this. Make her see that it can be different. Let her make the decision to break up. If not, I think you will be asking for a whole mess of other problems.

This is a hard thing but it sounds like if you dont do something about the situation its only going to get harder ..we have all been there with guys like this and want to save our daughters from them and like everyone says ..trying to break them up may make her want to rush and spend that much more time with him..defy you..or even worse he could try to take her away from YOUR FAMILY ..you see it done everyday..what i suggest is its almost summertime..anyway you can plan a long vacation break?? maybe spend a mth or so away from home? get her the heck away from him far far away from him?? (i know its not possible at all times to pick up from jobs and just go away) but would be easier then saying stay away from him..ya know?...otherwise you are going to have to sit down and break out the worst relationship story you have ever heard of (or been through) and help her understand that you are worried that this is headed down that road ..shes a smart girl dont make her chose..help her make a smart choice in the matter ya know?

oh what a difficult thing to do, but it is so necessary... your mother's instincts will guide you. She may be waiting for your to tell her - she probably realizes, in her heart, that this boy is trouble - but does not know how to break it off on her own. I hope only the best for you and your beloved child.

I know that she will probably dislike you for some time, but in the end she will thank you. I do believe you are making the right decision on this. Just stay strong and hold your ground because if you don't and let her just do as she wants things could be much worse and she could be hurt much worse. In my opinion, mothers have the hardest jobs ever. In the end, I think that she will understand as long as you are understanding with her and treat her woman to woman.

What you are trying to do is saving your daughter from something that bad for her future. You're very responsible. Based on the situation you described, I feel it very hard for you to make your daughter understand your valueable point. Please do not give up. You stop and you'll regret for your whole life. I have an advice for you but I don't know whether it is suite you or not, but at least I give you an idea. Okay, to convince your daughter, you need to spend more time with her. If you're working, plan to go for a vacation with your doughter and other members of your family. As long as it giving you a many chances to get close and talk with your daughter, it will be a very great time. Maybe you go fishing? Or maybe you go for a vacation in Sabah, Malaysia! Lol... that's place is where I leave! If you like to go to beach, or sea even for an island, we have it! Try surf for Sipadan Island, or The Lost World: Danum Valley. We have beautiful mountain too: Mount Kinabalu. Sorry, I'm some kind of promoting but my point is: before you plan to go somewhere, make sure your daughter loves it. Then during the discussion, try to understand her, listen to her and gives your point after listening. Don't mad at her or she will hates you and lose respect on you. Think of what will happened to her in the future if she continue to be with the guy. I give you some clue: 1. The guy is always trying to control, if she gonna be with the guy, will she have as much freedom as she likes? 2. When she got bad result in her studies, where will she go? Will she continue for futher studies? Will she get the job she dream of? Okay, now i'm talking too much, but I know you have something now. Good luck and have a happy family!

Yes you have to take that hard step. I have 2 daughters on my own aged 17 & 18. You must know your daughter well first before putting your plan into action. But from the way you relate, you know the boy real well, I suppose. I suggest you to think of what the worst can happen - the worst case scenario. Should your daughter rebel - what is the worst thing she could do to you - run away with the boy ? If that can happen then you have to be prepared..and maybe find a way to avoid that from happening. Well i think i stop here.. for i fear i may give you a wrong advice. Anyway thats how i feel. Will your daughter forgive you ? Or lets put it this way - are you wrong in doing this to her for this is actually for her own good ? To me, sometimes you deserve to be forgiven but sometimes if you are not in the wrong in the 1st place, there is no question of being wrong. All the best. http://url.e-vo.info/networking

I can understand this situation and why it would be hard for you but I would consider her feelings throughout it all. I would make her sit with me and tell me all the things that are bad about him, then I would ask her why are you still with him then? Kind of make her question the whole being with him thing. I mean she could make the decision on her own with the right guidance do you know what I mean? I would try making her feel more better about herself so that she works up the courage to actually do it. I would try to convince her that she is worth more than he is willing to give to her and that she could be missing out on a special person out there who will treat her better because she is wasting time with a big time loser. She also needs to realise that it is not the end of the world if they break up and that it happens to most young people because they don't even know who they are during those times let alone who they want to be with. If she continues to let him control her, that could be very miserable for her later in life when it will be even more harder to leave. She should get out now and enjoy her youth. She should be spending time with friends and not really boys until she has learned to love and respect herself highly to the point where she will not allow any one let alone a boy control her. It is not nice what he is doing and just because he is going down the wrong path does not mean that she needs to do the same. He does not love her if he does not respect her either. She should know this now. Just help her make the decision on her own. Tell her you are concerned for her and that you love her and just need to get some things off your shoulders because they are hurting you inside. Perhaps she will feel with you if you get to her from that angle. I am sure you will get through this and she seems like a smart girl but you must remind her that she is so that she can make the smart decisions in life. She deserves to be happy and live out her youth happy too.

to me ,mother's have good intuition, not all but the majority ones who really love and care for there children.i am a past psychiatric nursing student,from my experience i have counsel young girls who have been in abusive relationships that started off like this ,it's heart breaking to know, that young man, what kind of family back ground does he come from? i would really like to know.in my opinion i think you should persuade her to go to domestic violence clinic or centre or get info , about abusive relationships ,let her hear what other young girls her age , went through , its a harsh reality i know , but it is one that we all have to face, i had a friend who was in a similar situation like this, it started of great ,he was kind , loving , understanding she felt like if she was on top of the world , then it started off ,she would meet me and a couple of friends to our favourite liming stop , restuarants , he would get angry for the simple of things for example paying to much attention to her friends , if any of our guy friends sits to close, i remember a time we attended a party , he started to talk to her down , raising his voice , when i came over to ask if everything was okay , he just watched me and told me to mind my own business ,he storms out i ask my friend if she knew what she was getting her self in , she eventually took the advice left him, he started to follow her around , it eventually became a police matter , what became of it she went to canada , and we never heard of him again thank GOD ,complete sickness, i personally admire mothers who take such initative, don't worry about her hating you she is a teenager , she may say it but she loves you , its not healthy , she may tell you that she is happy , it doesn't bother her when he behaves like that, it's all lies ,carry on with your plan , sit and talk to her tell her your concern , try to be her friend , but remember you are her mother keep that in mind,try and talk to her friends see if they can convince her , this is going to be tough , i wish you all the best , take care and i hope all works out smoothly , keep me inform , if any thing changes

Why don’t you give her alternate choices? I mean this situation is sooooooooo very difficult, specially at the crucial age your child is, I am not really having any more saner choices even if I have racked my brains over it. Take her for a vacation if possible (and hope she will meet somebody nice there) , arrange for her boarding school in another city or maybe introduce her to other boys. All three are very risky and full of 'ifs & buts' but you cant just sit cool thru this, I know. Talking to her will not help coz children at this age seldom listen to elders ( I did not) so you will have to forget about her heart and think of her health and future instead. She will hate you for this (maybe forever) but you may also try bullying this boy and threatening him and scaring him real bad in the hope that he might sever all links with her. You can surreptitously dig into his personal life too in the hope of finding something which you can use to blackmail him into submission. One postive thing though is the fact that your daughter told you when he tried to grope her, most girls this age are more than experienced in this. So you still have her trust and confidence. Do let us know what happens.

i think you can never break a relationship without hurting anyone. your daughter will definitely feel bad. talk with her clearly and make her understand that this may not be right for her. also make that boy be conveyed the message that if he can change, well and good otherwise she will not continue. she should look at study first.

The good thing is you have at least three more years that you cn enforce the seperation if you have to. Question is can you keep them apart if you have too? You must be willing to go to great lengths if she is unwilling to see this for herself. I was fortunate that when this happened with my seventeen year old I was able to leave the decision in her hands and though it broke her heart she did the right thing and broke off the relationship. If your daughter is mature and you can reason with her do that instead of forcing her. If not stand your ground mamma, abuse is a horrible place for anyone to live.

You must sit herdown and first tell her you love her, then tell her you are afraid for her safety with this abuser boy friend. tell her why and really empathize it for its for her own good. He has no right choosing her friends or trying to control her in any way. he is not her mate he is simply a seventeen yr old kid who is abusive and people who love each other do not hurt each other or try to control each other.this is not love but a need to control somebody . She is young yet and the world is full of really decent kids she can meet and pal with. eventually she will find the man whom she really loves and who loves her then she will want to get married. but for now she just has to cool it with this abusive kid.

If she's anything like other teenagers, telling her to break up with him might draw her closer to him. Perhaps a good way to get them apart and your daughter safer (and happier because it doesn't sound like she can be too happy with him) is to have a few discussions and prod her in the direction subtly. Let her figure out for herself that he's no good for her. Perhaps if the realization hits her, she might break up with him without you having to tell her to.

i think it's time for you to put your foot down and tell your daughter not to see that boy anymore. clearly, his presence is negatively affecting your daughter. explain to her in the simplest terms why this has to be done. based on how you describe your daughter, i'm sure she will understand but if she doesn't, you can impose a curfew and take away some of her privileages. it is best that you prepare for your daughter's tantrums and this may hurt but in the end, what your doing is for the best. hope everything works out well.