Adoption: Can you? Could you? Did you? Would you? Part 2
By amithist
@amithist (72)
Davisburg, Michigan
April 15, 2008 10:04am CST
Just wanted to update this a bit. My son just turned 17 last month. in another year if he so choose he can find out about me and where i am. I have never been so caught in between something so hard to do.
I would love to meet him. and introduce to what family members who would meet him. but i look at my life and since my accident. here i am on disability barely able to walk some days. while i am now living better then most of my family. I am not exactly proud to say hi i am your messed up biological mother and this is all i have accomplished in my life (absolutely nothing but surviving and trying to get on me feet) oh and by the way heres your grandmother her house stinks of animals. and these are your aunts but aunt whoever doesnt want to meet you because of the circumstances of your birth.
and on the other hand what if he doesnt want to meet me. while i dont have to worry about introducing the family i spent my entire life making sure i didnt turn out like. but how will i deal with never seeing the only child i ever gave birth to or ever will. as not only have i been fixed i wouldnt be able to go off my meds to be able to be pregnant without causing alot of problems for myself in the health area.
I dont know why this is hitting me so hard today. most likely because i just asked my mom how my dad spelt his name so i could try to find him online. I know where to find him when i get back to vermont for a visit. i think facing him will be the last thing i need to close the childhood that i had to live threw(still dont know how i did it lol) I hope i dont sound like i am whining i just needed to get this out and off my chest and my mind before it drove me nuts today.
Well i better shut up now or you will have a novel i know that there is a little thing to the left that says more detail the better but i dont think there is enough room for more detail in just one post lol thanks for just listening.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@DaddyOfTheRose (2934)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Sounds like an issue for some reflection under your friendly neighborhood "let things be" tree. Your son may be happy or sad. He may want to see you.. or not. None of these things are in your control. You'll have to find a way to let them be.
If your son does try to find you, you will have to be responsive to what he wants.. not what you need. You are an adult, he is .. well, still a child in some ways. Answer his questions honestly and fairly. If he comes looking for you, he'll want some acceptance and acknowledgment.
You will do fine if you can only keep from obsessing over the idea. Worry won't help anything. But if you want to know his frame of mind when he comes to find you, it might help to imagine your own need to find closure with your father.
You can't expect him to want to be your lifelong friend, but you can express and appreciation that he tried to find you.
2 people like this
@amithist (72)
• Davisburg, Michigan
22 Apr 08
Sorry its taken so long to get back. life decided i need a little mole hill to get over.
I appreciate the insight. i really needed unaffected views and I wasnt getting any from family and friends cause we are all to close to the situation. also reminding me about what i was looking for really flipped a switch for me. i know it sounds daft but i never put the two together. i was to involved in my own self pity to do so.
Thank you for helping me to clear my stupid emotions up enough to see that its really made me feel much better about all of it
@floramwaters (1595)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I think the fact that you put your son up for adoption say a lot of good things about you. You did what you thought was best for your child. Isn't what parenting is all about. When and if your son contacts you I believe the best thing for you to do is to answer his question honestly. I am in a similar place I know who and where my real parents are and I would love to here the honest answer to my question ( that is a whole nother story), but i gave up on that a long time ago. I am sure that he will prepare himself for worse answer that what it seems like you will give him.
@amithist (72)
• Davisburg, Michigan
22 Apr 08
My biggest hope is that the adoption agency has kept their promise and told him about his conception at a time he was surrounded by loving parents and a counselor. His conception was not by consent and i dont know how that would effect him and i would hate to damage him in some way buy not answering it in the right way. I think i am going to actually see a child psychologist about how to handle it if i am the first one to tell him. I dont want to have it mess him up and i would think that could be very heavy information for someone no matter their age. and thank you for the compliment. I did it for his safety as well as my own piece of mind so it wasnt totally selfless. its hard whether your the child the parents or the bio parents.
Just a thought as i was about to hit post. I have actually got ppl mad at me for calling his parents his parents but they are the ones that raised him. in my books that makes them mom and dad. and i am glad he has good parents
